Some people believe in the honeymoon stage, while some don’t.
The first school of thought believes there is a time when everything seems sweet in a relationship before reality sets in.
The other believes the honeymoon stage can last forever if you want it to.
However, I say it doesn’t matter whether you belong to any of the schools of thought; what matters is the truth – which is that sometimes, relationships go through challenges.
If you don’t identify them easily, they may pose a bigger problem.
One of such challenges is a relationship being in a rut.
For those who may not know what it means, it refers to a situation in which the relationship is dreary and lethargic, lacking spice or excitement.
You and your partner are still very much together, but it just seems like you are because it has become a habit; there is no real romance involved anymore.
Now, while this doesn’t always spell doom for a relationship, it could if nothing changes after a while.
That’s why knowing your relationship is in a rut early is vital.
That said, let’s look at the ways to know.
8 Signs Your Relationship Is In A Rut
1. Your intimacy has decreased
The difference between a romantic relationship and a friendship is that there is intimacy involved in the former.
Even for celibate couples, there is still a level of intimacy they have that is not found in a friendship.
This reminds me of a Christian lady who shared her celibacy journey with her boyfriend on social media.
According to her, they haven’t even kissed, and many people found that hard to believe.
A particular comment said she and her boyfriend are just friends, and she said if he treated a female friend the way he treated her, they would have a problem lol.
This basically means that a romantic relationship—with or without physical intimacy—always includes a level of intimacy that should be present when things are normal.
However, when that spark has faded, and intimacy feels more like a chore, your relationship might be in a rut.
If you no longer have those little sparks that light up your world or ruffle the butterflies in your tummy, you are losing your connection, which is one sign of a relationship in a rut.
2. You no longer talk
It’s one thing to have comfortable silence, but when silence is now the norm, there’s a problem.
Even though a couple can enjoy comfortable silence, they talk a lot—about their business and that of their friends.
In fact, everybody is fair game when a couple sits together.
So, when you are no longer doing that or your conversations are stiff, you are likely stuck in a rut.
A relationship that is still thriving will not only talk about routine things like “What did you eat?” or “How’s your day?”
You will have much more to talk about – meaningful conversations, inside jokes, and other random discussions.
The absence shows you are in a rut.
3. The relationship lacks spice
If every day with your partner feels like a repeat of the day before, you’re probably in a relationship rut.
A relationship with the same dates, same routines, same conversations will soon lose its excitement if they are not already there.
So, if you can relate to this, you are either there or on your way there because relationships need a little spontaneity to stay fresh.
If you both do not actively include a little excitement or adventure in your relationship and everything just feels dry, you are basically acquaintances—not even friends.
4. You no longer discuss the future
A relationship that is thriving and bubbling will always look forward to the future.
You will constantly dream about the future and make plans for it together.
This is because having something to look forward to keeps you both invested.
That’s why even married couples plan for the future – their children’s college fund, trips, buying their own house, retirement – you name it.
So, it is not normal if that’s missing in a relationship that’s not even burdened by the responsibilities of marriage.
Not looking forward to or planning the future is a sign you’ve either grown too comfortable or are unsure about where things are headed.
5. You fight harshly
Disagreements are normal in a relationship; you and your partner are different individuals, so you will not see eye to eye on every issue.
However, your relationship could be in trouble when every argument feels like a battle to win instead of an opportunity to understand each other.
I heard from a married friend that arguments should be about the issue at hand, not an avenue to hurt each other.
This means that the couple should see the problem they are trying to resolve as the enemy to tackle, not each other.
This is because harsh words, personal attacks, or even bringing up past mistakes can create resentment.
And I believe that although a couple might be ignorant of the consequence of some of their actions, when we love people, that love keeps us in check even in disagreements.
Therefore, when you are going off without any care in the world at each other, your relationship is likely already crossing from being in a rut to being in trouble.
6. You no longer fight
On the flip side, if you’ve stopped fighting altogether, that’s not necessarily a good thing.
Sure, constant arguments aren’t ideal, but a complete lack of conflict might not be ideal either.
Now, I am not saying you should trigger imaginary fights with your partner because of this.
I am saying you need to ask yourself if you’ve stopped fighting because you have achieved a level of cohesion that is just a dream for most couples.
Maybe you have gotten to that stage where you accept and understand each other so much that there is no need for disagreement.
If that’s it, that’s great.
On the other hand, are you not fighting because you’ve both stopped caring enough to address issues?
If it’s the latter, you need to check it because when couples avoid disagreements, it could be because they feel disconnected or indifferent.
If you find yourself letting things slide just to avoid talking about them, it’s worth asking why.
Healthy relationships involve open discussions—even when they’re uncomfortable.
7. You fantasize about others
It’s normal to find other people attractive even if you are in a relationship – yes, it is; you didn’t become blind when you got into a relationship.
However, if you’re constantly imagining life with someone else, that’s a red flag.
When your mind starts wandering to “what if” scenarios too often, it usually means something is missing in your current relationship.
As someone who has experienced this, I will be the first to tell you that it is a huge sign that something is wrong.
You may not need to break up with your partner like I had to because mine were bigger issues, but it is clear you need to have a discussion.
If you were enjoying your relationship – except you are a perpetual cheat or a jerk – you wouldn’t escape into daydreams.
8. You don’t engage in shared activities
Couples are advised not to lose their individuality even in a relationship.
That means you should still have your work, goals, dreams, and friends.
However, they also shouldn’t be completely independent of each other – that’s unhealthy.
So, if you are both always flying solo, something is wrong.
Ask yourself – when was the last time you actually did something together?
And I’m not talking about sitting on opposite sides of the couch, scrolling on your phones.
If that’s your idea of spending time together, that’s a problem.
You should have several shared experiences – meaningful and for fun.
For example, you should cook together, play a game, exercise together, support each other to win in life, and watch out for each other.
If you’ve stopped trying to bond through activities or you no longer feel a sense of partnership, you are likely in a rut.