When we fall in love, we want to be with our partners forever.
There’s nothing bad about this wish.
In fact, wanting this is a sign that you truly love your partner.
Sadly, not all relationships last forever.
Relationships are like plants.
They have the potential to be successful if they are nurtured with love, attention, and the right atmosphere to thrive.
However, they also have the tendency to wither away when the conditions are not right.
It’s just normal.
And people need to know how to walk away at the right time to avoid more heartache.
If you keep holding on to a relationship that is already dead with the hope of resurrecting it, you could be setting yourself up for more heartbreak.
While it is not advisable to flee a relationship at the first sight of conflicts, you should be able to discern when there is no more hope for the relationship.
If you’re wondering whether you’re clinging to a relationship that’s already six feet under, here are some undeniable signs.
8 Signs You’re Forcing A Relationship That’s Already Dead
1. Communication is difficult
One of the easiest things to do is to talk to someone you love.
The conversation just flows because you want to know your partner.
You discuss important and unimportant things with ease.
Even when you discuss difficult topics, things still go well compared to when two people who don’t love each other have difficult discussions.
A major sign that you are forcing a relationship is the fact that easy communication between you and your partner feels like a distant memory.
You have experienced it in the past but it is no longer a present reality.
You remember those times when you used to talk to your partner for hours, laughing until your stomach hurt and tears poured out of your eyes.
Those were the good old days.
Now, every conversation feels like a job interview.
Sorry, I think interrogation is a better word for it.
Interviews can still be smooth and pleasant when they occur between two good-natured and gifted conversationalists.
Your conversations are forced, awkward, and punctuated with long periods of uncomfortable silence.
And you are the one always trying to raise a conversation.
Your partner doesn’t really care about talking to you about anything.
In fact, it feels like pulling teeth is much more preferable to having a conversation with your partner.
It’s torture but you feel like you have to try in order to save the relationship.
Well, I have news for you.
If your partner is more interested in their phone all the time than having a conversation with you, your relationship may actually just be living on borrowed time.
And the only thing still keeping it is that you haven’t realized that you are now the only one in the relationship.
2. You are the only one making an effort
Successful relationships don’t just happen.
Behind every successful relationship are two people who are mutually investing efforts into nurturing the relationship.
A successful relationship feels like two people working together to improve their relationship while enjoying themselves.
You want to know what a dead relationship feels like?
Well, it feels like you are bearing all the burden of the world while your partner just idles away.
If your relationship has begun to feel like a weight weighing you down, it is a sign that you are still forcing a relationship that is dead.
Your partner doesn’t do anything to lighten the weight.
You call all the time, but they ignore your calls sometimes.
You text all the time.
You celebrate their special days while they don’t even seem to think you have any special day.
You are always initiating dates while they act busy all the time.
When there is conflict, you always apologize.
Even when you are right, you apologize for being right.
It is a sign that you are forcing that relationship.
Trust me, your partner has already checked out.
And for men, who have normalized saying things like “Women don’t like to apologize”, you are wrong.
Those women who don’t apologize even when they are clearly wrong don’t love their man.
If they do, apologizing won’t be such a difficult thing to do.
This behavior is a red flag.
Love shouldn’t feel like you are flying solo.
Everyone has a role to play in a successful relationship.
If you feel like you are the only one playing a role in your relationship, that relationship is dead and you are just forcing things.
3. The future is uncertain
I think many people find themselves in this situation.
They have been in a relationship for a long time yet every time they think about the future, it feels foggy.
It is sad and this is why I always advocate that expectations should be clearly defined before anyone gets into a relationship.
If you are looking for a sign that you are forcing a relationship that is dead, consider the future of the relationship.
How do you see the future of the relationship?
If you have a clear idea of where your relationship will be in a year, then you are in a good situation.
However, if you see nothing when you consider the future, it is a sign of trouble.
It gets even worse when you feel dread instead of excitement when you think of the future.
It is a sign that deep within, you know that the relationship is dead.
You are just not ready to accept it yet.
A dying relationship lacks forward momentum.
It is not progressive, and so it is usually very hard to envisage the future.
4. You are more nostalgic than happy
Nostalgia isn’t bad.
I am an adult and sometimes I am nostalgic for my childhood days when things were just so simple and I didn’t have any responsibilities.
The reason I am doing this is because adulthood doesn’t feel like what I had envisaged.
Similarly, when your relationship stops looking like what you envisaged, you start feeling more nostalgic than happy.
Living in the present can be very tough and so, you would rather remember the good old days when things were better.
You can’t enjoy the present, so you spend your time reminiscing and hoping that things get back to what they used to be.
A relationship cannot be built on memories alone.
You have to continue making happy memories or you start living in the past.
If you find yourself living more in the past than in the present in your relationship, it is a sign that you are forcing a relationship that is already dead.
5. Physical intimacy feels like a chore
Physical intimacy is meant to be a pleasurable expression of love between two people in love.
But when the relationship is dead, it starts to feel like a chore.
The physical touch is a powerful connector between couples only when it is natural and wanted.
But if hugs feel stiff, kisses are rare and intimacy feels more like a task than something you enjoy, your relationship might be running on fumes.
For married couples, a dead bedroom isn’t always the end.
You can reignite that spark in your marriage.
However, when love totally disappears from your relationship and all you can feel is coldness emanating from your partner, it could be a sign of a deeper disconnect.
For those in romantic relationships who are experiencing stuff hugs and even outright avoidance of physical touch, it may just be a sign of the end of the relationship.
Don’t push it.
If you have tried your best and that relationship still feels dead, you need to exit the relationship.
6. You feel lonely when you are with them
As a kid, I changed schools a couple of times.
I understood what it meant to be “alone even in a crowd” each of those times.
Usually, this only happened on the first day and after a week, I had many friends.
One of the saddest things ever about being in a dead relationship is that lonely feeling you have when you are with your partner.
At that point, being single is far better than being in a relationship because when you are alone, it’s just silence you experience without any of the tension you presently feel in your relationship.
You have not had any meaningful conversations in quite some time.
In fact, it feels like your partner no longer sees you.
They ignore your needs and feelings.
They are indifferent and would rather spend time away from you.
If this is what you are experiencing in your relationship, then you need to ask yourself an important question;
“Am I staying because I love them or because I am afraid to leave?”
Answer this question honestly and then you will know what to do next.
7. You keep making excuses for them
It is normal to make excuses for people we love sometimes when they behave strangely.
However, if you always make excuses for your partner’s actions, you may just be excusing their true nature.
“He is just stressed.”
“She is stressed.”
“Maybe, it’s just a phase.”
“Things will surely get better.”
All these are examples of the excuses we make for the people we love.
When this becomes a constant practice, you need to consider the truth you are trying to avoid.
Your relationship is dead and your partner is intentionally behaving that way.
If you are constantly justifying their lack of effort or emotional absence, you are not fixing the relationship—you are lying to yourself.
Yes, that’s what the constant excuses are for: to convince yourself that you are right to stay in a dead relationship.
8. You think of breaking up all the time
Sometimes, the biggest sign that you are forcing a relationship is the fact that you are always thinking about breaking up.
It is a thought that never leaves your head, even when you try to invest effort in the relationship.
This is especially true when the thought of leaving doesn’t hurt half as much as the thought of staying.
If the thought of staying is exhausting, it could be a sign that your heart has already checked out of the relationship.
When a relationship is dead, the best thing to do is to let go.
Letting go may be painful but holding on is even more painful and dangerous.
Forcing something that’s already dead only prolongs the pain.
Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is admit it’s over, grieve, and make space for something real.
You deserve more than a love that only exists in memories.
You deserve to enjoy love in the present.