At the risk of sounding like a prophet of doom, many people are in relationships heading towards disaster.
That’s just the sad reality of things.
Sometimes, I wonder how many of these people can already sense that their relationships have no future.
How many of them feel like things can get better?
After all, the future is not carved in stone, right?
The truth is that even if you have only been in the relationship for a few months, you can always tell if there is a future in it.
Except you are not paying attention to the signs.
The saddest part is that many people don’t pay attention to the signs.
They see the signs but don’t register them as warning signs of storms ahead.
And so, they find themselves caught unawares by storms that have been brewing for quite some time.
Of course, there are also those who see the signs and know what they are but just want to have fun.
“A relationship doesn’t need to last decades. Let me enjoy what we have while it lasts”.
This is their rationale for staying in a relationship despite knowing that the relationship is not going to end well.
I won’t pass judgment, but if you are more focused on your well-being, you should know that it is best to exit such a relationship as soon as you can.
Let’s look into the warning signs that you are in a relationship that’s headed for disaster.
9 Signs You’re In A Relationship That’s Headed For Disaster
1. There is a breakdown in communication
Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship.
It is not just speaking and listening – it is also about understanding the message.
It is only when understanding is attained that communication is truly completed.
Communication in a relationship should be like a well-choreographed dance—smooth and synchronized.
So, if trying to communicate with your partner is beginning to feel like dancing with a clumsy partner who always steps on your toes, then there is a problem.
This means that if you find out that almost everything you say to your partner is misunderstood, it could be a sign that your relationship is heading towards disaster.
It now feels like you can’t have a simple conversation with your partner without encountering difficulties.
Communication between partners in a healthy relationship is usually a free-flowing affair.
They are intentional about it, but there are no difficulties in discussing even the tough topics.
But this is not the case in a relationship headed towards disaster.
In fact, some couples totally avoid communicating with each other.
They do this because anything that goes deeper than casual or surface-level conversations can lead to a mini-crisis in the relationship.
When “How was your day?” turns into “Why are you always so nosy?”, it’s time to reassess that relationship and consider your other options.
2. You are always arguing
I had a neighbor in university who lived with his girlfriend.
These guys were supposed to be lovers, but trust me, if you were a stranger, you would be more likely to think they were archenemies.
They were always arguing over one thing or the other.
The truth is I have never ever seen a more antagonistic couple in my entire life.
But they claimed to be in love with each other.
And they kept at their relationship even if they fought each other almost every day.
After some time, they moved out of the house, and we lost touch.
Recently, I met the lady, and she told me they had broken up.
She said the quarrels were getting too much, and one day, he slapped her.
That was the last straw that broke the camel’s back.
I didn’t say anything, but I thought in my head that the camel’s back must have been ridiculously strong because it should have broken a long time ago.
Anyway, I think they are a good example of couples who didn’t take heed of the warning signs that their relationship was heading toward disaster.
Conflicts are normal in relationships, but you can’t always have conflicts with your partner.
If you do, then it is a sign that the relationship is not a happy one, and you are basically enduring each other instead of enjoying the relationship.
Daily fights and arguments are an obvious sign that your relationship is headed toward disaster.
3. The future feels uncertain
Now, I know that we can’t always know for certain what the future holds.
However, in a successful relationship, partners are usually reasonably certain about the future of the relationship.
When you ask a partner in a successful relationship to tell you where they see themselves in the next few years, they can always give a confident response.
But when you try to envisage your future with your partner, it feels like you are staring into a void.
Nothing is clear.
Nothing is certain except the moment, and the momentary feeling you have is not an optimistic one.
Your partner avoids discussions about long-term plans for the relationship, or you can’t seem to align on big life goals.
Your career goals and views about having kids are just like parallel lines– they never meet.
You are not going in the same direction.
A relationship without a shared vision is like a ship without a compass.
There is no clear destination in mind, and that’s a problem because it is a sign of the turbulence to come.
If you don’t see a future for that relationship, you shouldn’t be in the relationship.
It’s that simple.
4. You are keeping scores
One time, I came across two friends who were having an argument.
They were going through a rough patch in their friendship, and one was accusing the other of never reaching out while the other was defending herself.
Soon, they started checking who called last and who texted last to determine the truth.
They didn’t realize it, but once things like this start, that friendship may be on its way to being terminated prematurely.
Relationships aren’t a competition.
No one should be keeping scores of things in the relationship.
When you start doing things like these, the odds are that you won’t enjoy your relationship.
But if you find yourself tallying up who did what, who apologized last, or who’s “winning” the argument, you’re in trouble.
Keeping scores creates resentment, and resentment is the iceberg waiting to sink your relationship.
It is quite similar to holding grudges against your partner.
If grudges and resentment have taken root in your relationship, it is a sign that your relationship is heading towards disaster.
5. You are lonely even when you are together
When you think about your life and relationship recently, only one word can sum it up – Lonely.
This is one of the most heartbreaking signs of a relationship heading toward disaster.
You feel lonely even when you are with your partner.
I used to love using the “lonely even in a crowd” quote because I could totally relate to it.
There were many times I felt more lonely around people than when I was alone.
This usually happened when I was hanging out with people who didn’t understand me.
You could be in the same room, sitting side by side, and yet be a whole world apart.
When “quality time” spent together has degenerated into time spent scrolling through your phones in silence, it is a sign that something is terribly wrong in that relationship.
The connection is fading, and the sooner you realize it, the better it is for you.
Perhaps, you and your partner can resolve what’s wrong and if it proves to be unresolvable, then you can always exit before things get really terrible.
Because if nothing is done, things will get worse in that relationship.
6. There is no trust in the relationship
What’s a relationship without trust?
Nothing!
It is empty.
I see people in relationships with partners who don’t trust them, and I wonder how they enjoy their relationships.
Trust in your partner is what gives you security.
You are so sure that your partner is committed to the relationship.
Hence, you are not so bothered when they don’t call or return home early.
I was with my lecturer one time, and as soon as it was closing hours, his wife called him to start coming home.
When he still hadn’t gotten home thirty minutes later, she called again, and he said he was discussing with some students.
She had to talk to me before she believed the student he was talking to wasn’t a female student.
It made me wonder how he enjoys his marriage with that level of mistrust from his wife.
I know I wouldn’t even be able to endure it if I were in his shoes.
Then again, I don’t know if he cheated on her once, and that’s why she didn’t trust him.
My point is that if you constantly question your partner’s honesty, snoop through their phone, or feel uneasy about their interactions with others, trust is already eroding.
And without trust, your relationship is just a shipwreck waiting to happen.
When distrust reigns in a relationship, it causes chaos in the marriage.
7. You are the only one trying to fix the relationship
Just like it takes two to tango, a relationship needs two people who are willing to put in the work.
If it feels like you are the only one trying to fix the relationship, it could be a sign that you are already in a relationship with yourself.
You are the only one trying to resolve conflicts.
You are still the only one making compromises just to keep up the appearance that you are in a relationship.
This is a lot of work for one person, and the truth is that no matter how strong you are, you are fighting a losing battle.
Your partner has already left the relationship, and you are probably just holding on with your fingertips.
You want to hear the truth?
You can try, but you most probably can’t save a sinking relationship on your own.
You need a willing partner.
And if your partner isn’t willing, it is a sign that you are in a relationship that is heading towards disaster despite your best efforts.
8. You’re living parallel lives
It’s crazy how partners can turn into strangers.
It happens, and it can be such a painful experience.
When this happens in relationships, it is usually a sign that things are coming to an end.
If your lives are so disconnected that you feel like roommates rather than partners, it’s a sign the relationship is in trouble.
When you stop being vulnerable with each other and start avoiding discussions, this is the endpoint – a relationship between two people who no longer even know each other.
When you stop sharing experiences, dreams, and even mundane daily moments with your partner, it creates an emotional distance that can keep on growing by the day.
9. You no longer argue anymore
Wait, isn’t not fighting a good thing?
Not necessarily.
A complete lack of conflict can be a sign that one or both of you have stopped caring.
Healthy relationships involve disagreements and resolutions.
If you’ve stopped fighting, it might be because you’ve stopped investing in the relationship altogether.
That’s a bad sign.
The relationship is headed for the rocks, and you and your partner have given up on getting things back on track.
Well, you can do more than just wait for the inevitable.
Here’s what you can do…
If you’ve spotted some of these signs in your relationship, don’t panic.
Not every red flag means it’s time to abandon the relationship.
We all have flaws, and if those flaws can be worked on, I think you can give the relationship a chance.
Some relationships can be saved with open communication, therapy, and a willingness to work through the issues.
But if you’ve tried everything and you can still see the warning signs, it might be time to exit while you still can without enduring any harm.
Don’t stay in a relationship heading towards disaster just because you’ve already invested time and energy.
So, is your relationship headed for disaster, or is it just hitting a rough patch?
Only you can decide.
But whatever you do, don’t ignore the warning signs.