I have seen many husbands do things to intentionally kill their wives’ confidence, and I really don’t understand why any man who claims to love his wife would want to do that.
This action reeks of insecurity, and only irresponsible husbands intentionally try to kill their wives’ confidence.
Marriage is supposed to be a safe space, full of love, trust, and mutual respect.
In its ideal form, marriage is supposed to be a beautiful union.
But even a responsible husband may unintentionally do things that kill his wife’s confidence.
When this happens consistently in a marriage, it ceases to be a beautiful union.
It’s no longer a safe space, and that’s a problem.
When you start feeling unsafe in your marriage, it is a sign that something has gone terribly wrong with the marriage.
These actions that chip away at their wives’ self-esteem are not always dramatic occurrences.
Most times, they are the subtle, everyday babies that accumulate over time.
They may seem so inconsequential, but when a wife is on the receiving end consistently, they start to quietly destroy her confidence, making her question her worth, intelligence, and even her sanity.
Here are those things husbands do that slowly erode their wives’ confidence.
9 Things Husbands Do That Slowly Kill A Woman’s Confidence
1. Listening to them passively
This is one behavior that can shake anyone’s confidence if they are on the receiving end frequently.
Listening is an action that should be done with total attention, especially when the person you are listening to is a loved one.
Personally, I prefer to talk to people who listen attentively and make eye contact while at it.
Many husbands don’t.
And when a wife complains about it, their usual retort is somewhere along the line of “The ears are for listening, not the eyes”.
I am not saying you must look at the person you are listening to, but it usually gives them the impression that they have your undivided attention.
A husband may nod along while his wife speaks, but his mind might be elsewhere.
He could be scrolling through his phone, thinking about work or even watching a game on TV.
He can nod along for a long time, but the truth is that it doesn’t fool his wife.
After some time, she could stop talking about herself or attempting to share things with him.
True listening requires eye contact and engagement.
That’s what encourages her to share more with you.
Yeah, I get it.
It can be tough to take your eyes off a football game when you know any moment can create magic, but you shouldn’t be too busy to listen to your wife all the time.
When this happens frequently, she may even start wondering if the reason you don’t listen is because you think she is boring.
Try listening to your partner more actively today.
Set your phone aside if you are not doing anything important and listen to her.
If you are doing something that can’t wait, ask her to give you a moment to wrap up what you are doing so she can have your full attention.
It’s not so difficult.
Try it sometimes.
2. Withholding compliments while criticizing frequently
Sometimes, I see some couples and I wonder how the woman copes.
I mean, criticism is good for the relationship when it is constructive, but must you always criticize?
The weirdest aspect is that people who are generous with criticism usually hoard compliments.
If you can criticize when someone makes a mistake, you should be able to compliment them when they do the right thing.
If you don’t apportion compliments as much as you criticize, then you are the problem in your relationship.
If a husband rarely acknowledges his wife’s strengths but is always quick to point out her flaws, she will soon start believing that she’s never going to be good enough.
This is a terrible message to pass across to your wife.
Apart from the fact that it erodes her confidence, she may start feeling like there is no use trying to improve because you will just find something else to criticize.
Over time, she just stops trying.
She stops putting effort into her appearance or personal growth because no matter what she does, it seems like you always find new things to complain about.
Personally, I believe that a man who has never complimented his wife has forfeited his right to criticize her.
So, start complimenting your wife.
Don’t hoard compliments!
Stop being overly generous with criticisms.
3. Making her feel like an afterthought
In marriage, your partner is meant to be your priority.
There is no situation or scenario that can occur in a marriage that justifies treating your partner like an afterthought.
Many men don’t know this.
They let their responsibilities occupy them so much that they have so little time for their wives.
Don’t get me wrong; I understand the massive responsibilities men have to carry.
But they shouldn’t make you lose sight of the things that matter.
When a husband consistently prioritizes work, hobbies, and friends over his wife, she begins to feel invisible.
Now, I can understand a man who is driven by work.
He is probably trying his best to ensure that his family has a good life.
All he needs is a little reorientation.
The value of a husband is not just in what he provides.
It is in his presence.
Be present in the lives of your wife and children.
For those who prioritize hobbies and friends over their wives, I am totally shocked.
You are a grown man, not a little kid playing with his toys.
Your wife and family should be your main priorities.
No one is saying you shouldn’t enjoy your hobbies or hang out with friends.
But you and your friends are no longer boys, and you need to start acting like it.
4. Using humor as a weapon
If you have ever been laughed at, you will know how humor can be used as a weapon.
Humor is good in marriage when couples laugh together.
There is a huge difference between laughing with your wife and laughing at her.
The former indicates that she gets the joke, while the latter indicates that she is the joke.
The former is great while the latter is bad for your relationship and her self-esteem.
Sarcasm, teasing, or “jokes” at her expense, especially in front of others, can be deeply humiliating.
Of course, it is normal to tease your wife, but here’s a little litmus test to know when she doesn’t like the teasing…
She protests about it.
Here’s where many husbands kill their wives’ confidence.
Instead of apologizing, they say things like, “You are too sensitive” and “You don’t have a good sense of humor.”
Over time, this behavior may make her start questioning her reaction to you.
She starts losing her confidence, and when she even resents your teasing, she stifles her emotions and gets even more resentful of you.
So, learn to apologize when your teasing goes too far.
And get your acts together.
5. Comparing her to other women
Comparing your partner to another person is a surefire way of causing trouble in your relationship.
Take this from me: never compare your partner to someone else.
It has no positive effect on the relationship.
Some husbands compare their wives to other women.
Sometimes, they do this unintentionally, but whether it is intentional or not, it affects their wives’ confidence.
If your wife begins to feel like she is constantly measured against other women, she may start believing that she is lacking.
She starts thinking she can never measure up, and that’s a problem.
She doesn’t need to measure up.
She just needs to be the best version of herself, but comparing her to other women makes it difficult for her to do this.
Dear husbands, don’t compare your wife to another woman.
Whatever you do, don’t ever do this.
Criticize her constructively, but make sure you don’t point out another woman’s conduct to her.
I am sure you wouldn’t love it if she compared you to other men, would you?
I saw a funny post about parents comparing their kids’ performance to others.
It goes somewhere along these lines, “My father keeps on comparing me with my successful mates and asking me if they have two heads. I wish I could ask him why he isn’t as rich as Elon Musk. They are mates, after all.”
So, here’s the lesson you need to learn.
Stop comparing your wife to others.
You won’t like to be on the receiving end.
6. Undermining her dreams
I don’t understand why any loving husband would want to undermine his wife’s dreams.
What is his gain?
I know insecure husbands do this to keep their wives under their control, but that’s usually intentional.
I guess even husbands who do this unintentionally are subconsciously doing it to keep their wives under their control as well.
Well, it’s the wrong thing to do.
Being her husband doesn’t make you the controller general of her life, and undermining her dreams is not a sign of love.
If your wife shares an ambition, such as starting a business, going back to school, or pursuing a creative passion, and you respond with skepticism, it can make her begin to doubt herself.
If you question her capacity to fulfill her dreams every time she shares them, you are gradually eroding her confidence in herself.
If this continues consistently, she may totally abandon her dreams because she believes she is not capable.
Instead of being the devil’s advocate all the time, you need to encourage your wife to achieve her goals.
Stop being skeptical about her capacity.
Instead of skepticism, advise her on how to go about attaining her dreams.
The beauty of marriage is the fact that couples are supposed to support each other.
So, do that for her.
7. Making her feel like a burden
Being a husband can be a lot of responsibility.
That’s understandable, but you should never treat your wife like she is a burden to you.
No reasonable wife can ever be a burden to her husband.
If you sigh heavily every time your wife asks for help, she may start feeling like a burden.
I know that you may be busy sometimes or under a lot of stress, but if you act inconvenienced all the time when your wife asks you for help, it shouldn’t surprise you when she stops approaching you for help.
When you do all of these to your wife, she learns to suppress her feelings in the relationship.
She tries not to ask for help if she can avoid doing it, and it affects the quality of your relationship.
You should treat your wife like she is valued, not an annoyance.
8. Blaming her for everything that goes wrong
In struggling marriages, it is not so uncommon for husbands to shut down and withdraw emotionally from their wives while blaming them for the changes in them.
Conflicts are a normal aspect of relationships, but couples must address the root causes of these conflicts together.
At least, that’s how successful marriages become successful.
If this is not the case in your relationship, something is wrong.
If your first reaction every time things are not working in your relationship is to start blaming your wife, you could be slowly killing her confidence.
You are never at fault.
Everything bad that happens is somehow always her fault.
When this starts happening consistently, she may start believing that she is the problem.
She starts doubting her own perception of things.
This is gaslighting, and I doubt anyone gaslights their wives intentionally.
Anyway, my advice is that you should stop it instantly.
Blame games are for immature people.
A man who wants to have a successful marriage must learn to act maturely.
Resolve issues that may occur in your marriage constructively.
Even when she is at fault, resist the urge to point a finger.
It could be really counterproductive.
9. Withholding affection as punishment
Silent treatments, cold shoulders, or withdrawing physical touch after an argument can be emotionally devastating.
They have a way of affecting wives psychologically.
They start dreading anything that will make their husbands angry at them.
This is a bad thing.
They start walking on eggshells around their husbands.
It shouldn’t be so.
If affection is conditional and is only given when she behaves “correctly”, your wife will start to believe that love must be earned through perfection.
When she is anything less than perfect, she may start believing that she deserves to be treated coldly.
This is not what marriage should look like.
However, the good news is that awareness of how your actions may have been killing your wife’s confidence is a step in the right direction.
Now, you must make a decision to do things differently.
Instead of being cold and grumpy, communicate with your wife.
You should have honest and constructive conversations with her.
You should also prioritize intimacy.
I don’t mean just sex.
Small gestures like a hug or a “How was your day?” can help rebuild a connection.
You should make complimenting her a habit.
Tell her those things you admire about her.
You can seek therapy if it is needed.
A confident wife is a happy woman.
She’s a strong partner and a great mother.
In fact, she is a better individual all-round.
When couples value and respect each other, they share a love that lasts and withstands the storms of life.