When I was a child and used to steal what was equivalent to a nickel from my mother’s purse, I had many justifications for it.
I grew up and discovered I was wrong; no matter how justified I thought I was, it was still wrong.
Unfortunately, some of us grow up and still lack the awareness that there’s no justification for doing something wrong.
The saddest part, though, is that the person they are lying to might even eat it up because it may sound convincing, in this case, women who are married to cheating men.
If you are such a woman, reading this will open your eyes to some of the things your husband is probably saying to justify his affair.
However, like I said, there is no justification because ultimately, having an affair is a choice.
Without further ado, let’s look at those things a cheating married man might say to justify his affair.
10 Things Married Men Say To Justify An Affair
1. “My Needs Weren’t Getting Fulfilled.”
This one is a classic.
Men who cheat are known to claim they did it because they felt “neglected”.
Some might say their emotional needs weren’t met – perhaps they had expectations that their wife wasn’t meeting, or she used to meet them but stopped because life got busier.
For instance, if she used to prepare his favorite food that took hours to prepare every week when they were just two, it becomes harder to do that when they now have kids.
But cheaters are unreasonable, so it doesn’t matter.
He may also allude to the fact that his physical needs weren’t being fulfilled.
Bear in mind that he could communicate that and be patient with her until she learnt it.
But for such a man, cheating is easier than having those tough conversations.
You need to understand that marriage isn’t a free pass to cheat just because things get tough.
If something is missing, the mature thing to do is to communicate, not look for a side fling.
Blaming an affair on unmet needs is just a way to dodge accountability.
Many couples go through rough patches without seeking outside help, so he doesn’t have an excuse.
2. “You Are Never Home.”
Who doesn’t know that work can be demanding sometimes or that people have additional responsibilities that steal into their time?
But a cheat will use your absence as an excuse.
He may say something like, “You were always busy, so I had no choice.”
Before you think he has a point, let’s flip that around; if he were the one constantly unavailable, would that justify you having an affair?
No, right?
Exactly.
A strong marriage needs effort from both sides.
So, instead of straying, he could have used the time apart to appreciate you more or even work on reconnecting with you.
3. “You No Longer Care About Me.”
Emotional guilt trip is another classic.
He’ll say he felt unloved, unnoticed, or unimportant, so he had no choice but to seek validation elsewhere.
But ask yourself: if he truly felt that way, why not address it with you?
Why not try therapy, open conversations, or more quality time?
Something!
Try something!
Why is the solution an affair when there are many more things he could have done?
That shows that it wasn’t about care.
In fact, he may be projecting because his betrayal proves he wasn’t considering your feelings either.
4. “We Were Drifting Apart.”
Every couple has moments when they don’t feel connected.
However, that’s not a reason to cheat; it just means the couple need to work harder to reconnect.
So, saying, “We drifted apart” is just a way to justify stepping outside the marriage instead of trying to fix what’s broken.
Did he put in the effort to rekindle things?
Did he communicate his concerns?
No.
Instead, he took the easy route and looked for excitement elsewhere.
So, he has no excuse.
If he really wanted to fix things, he’d have tried before breaking your trust.
5. “You Let Yourself Go.”
This is one of the cruelest excuses out there.
As a big girl myself, I don’t know what I would do if my husband no longer found me attractive or broke my trust because of my weight.
It reminds me of Sheila and her philandering husband, Mike, in the movie “Why Did I Get Married?”
Thankfully, she found Clay, who supported her and helped her through her weight loss journey.
This is why we need to be people who fall in love with our souls, not just our bodies.
I am not saying you shouldn’t be attracted to your partner or that your partner should intentionally let themselves go.
However, life happens, which can make someone look different.
Also, expecting someone to look exactly as they did years ago is unrealistic.
Meanwhile, he may not even be hitting the gym regularly, but here he is, expecting you to look like you did ten years ago, as though you’re not allowed to age.
So, you see that the excuse isn’t about attraction but entitlement.
If he truly cared, he’d encourage, not criticize you or cheat on you.
6. “You Are Not The Woman I Married.”
Again, what was he expecting?
That you remain exactly the same through the years?
No one stays the same forever; people evolve, especially in a long-term marriage.
You have probably grown stronger and become more independent, or had your priorities shift.
And that’s not an issue, because he has, too.
So, he should appreciate your new version rather than see it as a reason to stray.
Even if you changed for the worse, which could happen, I must admit – did he try other things?
Like a conversation or counseling?
This excuse is just a way to hide his unwillingness to put in effort; it’s not about you changing.
7. “It Was Only One Time.”
If I hear anybody say this again, I will scream – I mean it.
Do people really expect that a one-time betrayal hurts less than a long-term affair?
That logic doesn’t add up.
Whether it happened once or a hundred times, the trust is broken.
So, saying, “It was only one time,” is him downplaying the cheating as if that makes it more forgivable.
Yes, it may seem easier to handle a one-time fling, but the guilty party shouldn’t use that as an excuse; they should rather accept that they broke your trust, period!
Because cheating hurts no matter the number of times.
8. “It Was Only Physical; She Means Nothing To Me.”
If she meant nothing, then why risk everything?
This excuse is meant to make you feel like the affair wasn’t serious and, therefore, shouldn’t matter.
But the fact that the cheating was just physical doesn’t reduce the weight of it.
The disrespect, secrecy,, and betrayal are also weighty.
So, whether he had deep feelings for her or not is inconsequential; he still made the conscious decision to break his vows.
9. “You Pushed Me To Do It.”
This one is infuriating because it shifts all the blame onto you.
When a man says this, you are dealing with someone who doesn’t take responsibility for his actions.
He wants you to believe that his actions were a reaction to something you did or didn’t do.
However, this is a simple fact – no one can force someone into cheating; they choose to do it.
If there were issues in the marriage, the right response would have been to communicate, not to cheat.
This excuse is just a way to avoid responsibility.
Instead of owning up to his actions, he’s playing the victim, so you can take the blame, and he can feel better about himself.
Don’t fall for it.
10. “It Just Happened; I Didn’t Plan It.”
Nothing just happens.
Affairs aren’t accidents; they’re choices made in moments where he could have said no.
He could have walked away, shut down inappropriate conversations, or refused temptation, but he didn’t.
Saying “it just happened” is a way to make it seem like he had no control, when in reality, he had plenty of opportunities to stop.
Cheating isn’t spontaneous; it takes secrecy, effort, and deception.
If he didn’t plan it, he certainly didn’t do much to prevent it.