No matter how sudden a divorce or separation is, the day it was vocalized or agreed on was never the day it was conceived in the heart of one or both of the partners.
It started way before then.
Many people who leave their partners do it in their minds long before they summon the courage to communicate it or pack their bags and leave.
Nobody just ups and leaves, especially not in marriage.
They must have thought about it and even expressed it subconsciously in their actions, but their partner just didn’t pick up on the silent cues.
That is why they’re usually met with shock when the person eventually says it verbally or disappears one morning.
Nobody deserves to be dealt such a heavy blow by their partner; this is why recognizing the signs early is crucial.
Taking it to the side of the husbands today, what actions of theirs sell them out when they’re planning to walk away?
8 Things Men Do When They’re Planning To Leave Their Wives
1. Incessant complaints
Today, “The tea is too hot.” Tomorrow, “It’s not hot enough.”
Every waking day, he has something negative to say about the things his wife does and her behavior.
You know it’s not about the wife or her actions because the complaints become too frequent and are often unreasonable.
A man who once admired his wife’s personality is now criticizing her every move; how she talks, dresses, cooks, or even the way she laughs.
A lady in my church once shared that she knew her husband was tired of her and wanted to leave, as evidenced by his complaint that she breathed too loudly.
Breathing?
Was she meant to cease her airflow?
Before then, she had already suspected, through his constant, bitter criticisms, that he wanted to leave her, but that comment confirmed her suspicion.
I’m not sure if it’s because they’re trying to push the wife to a point where she equally wants to leave or if they’re just angry and see her as an irritant, hence the constant complaining.
However, it’s usually very exhausting, which can cause the wife to doubt herself and feel lost.
Not knowing that the man is simply planning his exit.
2. Checking out emotionally
This is a glaring sign, but many still miss it.
When the emotional side of the man seemingly dies or disappears, it could be because he has invested it elsewhere.
A husband who once shared his thoughts and feelings with his wife without holding back may have become distant, offering only short or vague responses when he’s asked questions.
He’s physically present but mentally absent, barely hearing when she talks.
Before now, he’d text his wife during the day just to say, “Thinking of you,” but now even a simple “Good morning” feels forced; that’s a sign.
A man who’s planning to leave his wife gradually withdraws his emotions from the marriage, that is, if the absence of the emotions is not even the reason for his wanting to leave in the first place.
You know a man who has emotionally checked out through his actions; he’s now unbothered by issues in his marriage and is indifferent to resolving them.
He’s conveniently extra busy with work and other urgent matters all the time, especially when he’s supposed to be with his wife.
Expecting to “I love you” from such a man becomes an impossibility.
It’s because, although he’s physically present, he’s no longer a part of the marriage.
And he’ll soon be physically absent, too.
3. Randomly talking about divorce
“I wonder what life would be like if we weren’t together.”
Some people simply aren’t meant to stay married forever.
These aren’t random statements that hold no meaning.
They’re said to test the waters before making a big move.
They may not say it directly or make it about their marriage, but they’ll say it somehow.
Perhaps by casually mentioning a celebrity couple that is getting divorced.
Or some distant acquaintances whose lives seemed to have gotten better since they parted ways.
He’s thinking about separation or divorce but probably doesn’t know how to bring it up.
So he dilly-dallies around the subject, perhaps in an attempt to prepare his wife’s mind for what’s to come.
I’m not saying that if he talks about divorced people, it automatically means he’s planning to leave.
But again, someone who doesn’t want a divorce won’t be directing his mind and every conversation in that direction all the time.
4. Cheating
Cheating happens in different ways, for different motives, and for different purposes.
One of the reasons it happens is that the cheat no longer sees themselves as loyal to their primary partner.
Many times, people tell side chicks things like, “Don’t listen to a married man when he tells you he’ll leave his wife, he won’t, he’s just trying to use you.”
While I understand where they’re coming from and believe that that statement is valid to a large extent, it’s not always the case.
Sometimes, when a man cheats, it’s because he really plans to leave his wife.
Maybe he thinks he’s found someone better, or perhaps he’s already planned to leave the marriage long before, but the cheating happened.
But the cheating is still related to the fact that he has given up on his marriage.
This may be expressed in other ways; he stops being intimate with his wife, starts flinching at her touch, dodges her kisses, and stops initiating sex.
These are further signs that he might already be mentally detaching.
5. Picking baseless fights
Small issues that never used to bother him suddenly turn into full-blown arguments.
If he gets annoyed because she left the toothpaste cap off, something he used to find amusing before, he might be looking for reasons to justify his departure.
When you hear some of the ridiculous reasons some people give for their divorce, you just know that it’s definitely deeper than that.
Or that they just wanted out and looked for the closest thing possible to use as an excuse.
6. Stop making plans
Well, they don’t altogether stop planning.
They just stop doing it with their wives.
They start thinking and acting solo.
A man who used to talk about relocating, building a house, and going on vacations as a family suddenly begins to keep mum.
And when the wife brings them up, he either directly cuts the conversation short or gives a dismissive “Let’s see” or “I don’t know yet” response.
It implies that he may already be envisioning a future without her.
7. Secrets become the order of the day
A man planning to leave his wife has numerous plans underway about where he’s headed.
So, he’ll be texting and making calls to that effect.
The heartbreaking part is that the wife might not even be aware.
This is why he’ll become extra secretive.
He might suddenly develop a deep attachment to his phone, changing his passwords and all that, stepping out to take calls, and never leaving his phone unattended.
He once used to play music from his phone on speaker, but now he wears AirPods 24/7; something is off.
Or perhaps he has suddenly acquired new close friends with whom he spends a lot of time, and his wife is unaware of who they are.
Or he acts sneaky about money, making unexplained withdrawals and acting all funny.
If a wife had a joint account with such a man, that is the time for her to shine her eyes (be very alert), or else when he suddenly disappears one day, she’ll have a lot more to cry about than just his absence.
8. They’re extra kind
The signs are not always negative.
It can be positive.
Some men overcompensate out of guilt when they know they’re about to break their wives’ hearts.
If he becomes unusually agreeable or starts bringing home flowers when he hasn’t done so in years, it may not necessarily be a reason to rejoice and be glad that he has repented.
He may be trying to soften the blow before dropping the bomb.
You have to be sensitive and investigate to know why.
Sometimes, the signs are subtle and barely noticeable, but other times, they’re glaring.
But they’re always there.
It might even be something as negligible as a change in the man’s habits and appearance.
Maybe he never cared about fitness, but now he hits the gym religiously or is making other big personal changes that exclude his wife.
That man might be preparing for a single life or a life with someone else.
I must mention, however, that these behaviors don’t always mean a man is planning to leave, but when several of them show up together, it’s worth paying attention, and it’s in the wife’s best interest to look more closely.