Sometimes, we talk about toxic relationships like we are describing something abstract.
It is real, and just a single toxic relationship can leave a person bruised and scarred.
It is not abstract.
It is very important, and I believe everyone should do their utmost best to avoid being in a toxic relationship.
When we talk about it, we make it seem like all a person has to do is break free from the toxic relationship.
Well, it is true that discovering that you are in a toxic relationship and breaking free from the relationship is a huge step in the right direction.
However, this doesn’t mean that the entire battle has been won.
Breaking free from a toxic relationship is like stepping out of a warzone after a long time of traumatic experience.
Your body is safe, but your mind is still on high alert.
You still suffer from the traumatic effects of that relationship, and while exiting the relationship is great, the battle is won when you can truly rediscover who you are.
It may sound easy, but it is not.
If you are wondering what happens to a woman after she exits a toxic relationship, there are many things that can happen.
Some are negative outcomes that will require a lot of work, while others are positive changes that help her become a more empathetic woman.
Here’s what really happens to a woman after she leaves a toxic relationship.
9 Things That Happen To A Woman After A Toxic Relationship
1. She questions her sanity
The fact that she has left a relationship with a manipulative man doesn’t mean that the effects of his gaslighting do not linger in her mind.
She leaves the relationship with so much determination at first.
But after some time, she may start doubting her recollection of the events of her relationship.
“Was he really that bad, or did I just overreact?”
“I don’t think things were as bad as I seem to remember it?”
At this point, he is no longer around to gaslight her, so she does it for him.
She starts doubting her memory of things.
The human mind is really complex, and so it begins to play tricks on her.
She may even start wondering if she was the problem.
If you have ever related to women who are victims of abuse, you will recognize this pattern.
They leave the relationship, convinced that they don’t deserve to be treated terribly, but later on, they start wondering if they were somehow at fault.
“I think I am the reason why he hits me. I annoy him so much.”
It is sad to see this happen, but it could just be a temporary phase, especially if she has a strong support system to help her through this period.
2. She relearns how to trust
This is very natural for someone who has experienced a traumatic relationship.
It is really hard to get yourself to trust other people.
In fact, it is difficult to even trust yourself.
Toxic relationship erodes your ability to trust.
Even your ability to trust is not left untouched.
It is a really sad thing, not being able to trust your own judgment.
It gets even worse because if you can’t trust yourself, you can’t trust others, and that limits your interactions with people.
When a woman leaves a toxic relationship, she begins a tough journey of learning how to trust herself.
She second-guesses her instincts, her choices, and even her feelings.
She mulls over every minor decision again and again because she is trying to avoid another toxic relationship.
The crazy part is that she may also display a lack of trust in men who show interest in her afterward.
This could make having successful relationships really difficult for her.
But it is not impossible.
Healing means learning to trust herself again and, by extension, others.
3. She becomes hyper-independent
I have seen many ladies become extra independent after exiting a toxic relationship.
Now, don’t get me wrong.
Being independent is a great trait in a woman.
However, we can’t just go through life alone.
We need people around us; people in our corner.
One of the sad outcomes of being in a toxic relationship is the resolute desire to never be under anyone’s control again.
After being controlled or betrayed in a relationship, a woman may decide never to rely on anyone again because she fears that it will be a repeat of her previous experience.
She fears getting close to anyone new, especially guys, because she may start thinking that all guys are the same.
Sometimes, when I see ladies say things like “All men just want to control and isolate the woman they claim to love”, I can feel their pain.
They are speaking from a place of trauma.
Even when it is unfair to generalize, I understand that a lady who has experienced a series of toxic relationships will think that all men are toxic.
It’s not true.
Some men may have these terrible characteristics, but it is not a general trait of men.
And many women who leave toxic relationships later start realizing this fact.
This is when they begin to attain a degree of balance between their fear of being controlled by men and the realization that not all men want to control and manipulate a woman.
Sadly, there are also some who may never attain this balance.
The scars of the toxic relationship never heal for these ones, and several years later, they may still be reeling from the effects of that toxic relationship.
It is a bleak picture, I know.
This is why it is advisable to flee a relationship at the first sign of toxicity.
The effects of a toxic relationship can sometimes mar a person for life.
4. The right kind of love feels strange
I would never have believed that people could complain or act surprised about being treated decently until I saw a story of a lady.
This lady had not just been in one toxic relationship.
She had been in several.
In fact, at some point, she just believed that the relationship had to be toxic.
“But he that dares not grasp the thorn Should never crave the rose.”
Anne Brontë’s quote wasn’t even intended to suggest that true love can be painful, but I have seen many people interpret it that way.
Well, this lady was one of them, and you can’t blame her.
Her experiences had conditioned her to believe that love and pain worked hand in hand.
In her last relationship, the guy left her because he had found someone else.
She was downtrodden, but when she finally decided to move on, she met a guy who was everything all the men she had dated weren’t.
He was gentle, kind, respectful, and communicative.
She couldn’t believe he was real.
It all felt so weird for her.
At the time she sent the anonymous message, she said she was still trying to adapt to being actually loved.
When a woman leaves a toxic relationship and encounters the right kind of love, it all feels so strange to her.
When someone treats her with respect, it is almost unsettling.
“Why are you being so nice? What’s the catch?”
Unlearning toxicity means accepting that love shouldn’t hurt.
And that lesson takes a while to sink in after enduring all the unpleasantness of a toxic relationship.
5. Small freedoms feel like a revolution
There are little things that people in loving relationships take for granted.
The ability to eat whatever they want without criticism.
Being able to watch their favorite shows without anyone making them feel terrible for doing so.
Being free from backhanded compliments like “That dress would have looked good on you if your belly wasn’t so big. Anyway, you look okay”.
All of these are things people in successful relationships usually don’t experience.
They take it for granted, but when a woman leaves a toxic relationship, she celebrates these freedoms like they are important milestones in her life.
In a way, they actually are.
These little actions now become acts of rebellion and symbols of self-love to her.
I remember a woman who was physically assaulted by her husband because “she greeted another man outside”.
After several years of enduring that toxic relationship, she is out of that marriage and enjoying every single freedom she was starved of by her ex-husband.
When a woman leaves a toxic relationship, these little things begin to feel like treats to her.
6. She mourns the person she thought he was
I have seen ladies come out of toxic relationships, and most of the time, they don’t come out laughing and celebrating their freedom.
That laughter and celebration would come later.
First, they mourn the loss of their relationship.
Toxic as it may have been, they were attached to their partners and usually would mourn the loss of that attachment.
It may be hard to understand because you are expecting them to be happy.
But it happens.
Even if he was totally cruel to her, she still grieves the man she believed he was before he unveiled his “true colors” to her.
The love bombing, the occasional expression of care, and the nice future she may have envisaged; all of these are lost, and she may mourn them for a moment.
7. She finds strength she didn’t know she had
Toxic relationships are terrible.
When a woman leaves one, she has escaped a lot of future stress and trauma.
However, she has also been put through the emotional wringer.
Surviving toxicity is like discovering some hidden strength she didn’t think she had.
One day, she will wake up and realize that she has walked through fire already.
Then, she will rationalize and say, “If I have survived that, what can’t I survive?”
Tough ordeals usually reveal inner strength.
Leaving a toxic relationship can reveal to a woman how strong she is.
This knowledge will prove to be very useful in the future.
8. She redefines herself
Now, this is one good thing that can happen to a woman after leaving a toxic relationship.
When she discovers how strong she is, she decides to live life on her own terms.
She decides that she will no longer be someone’s emotional punching bag or perhaps, a physical punching bag as well.
She rebuilds her life.
She takes stock of all that has gone on in her life and moves on.
Maybe she cuts her hair (just the way she had always wanted), takes a solo trip, applies for that job, or starts that business.
It doesn’t really matter exactly what she chooses to do, but she picks herself up and moves on.
She’s not who she was before.
She is stronger.
Don’t get me wrong; this doesn’t happen for all women who have walked away from toxic relationships.
Some still walk back into toxic relationships in the future.
It is sad, but it is just a reality of life.
9. Healing isn’t instant
When a woman leaves a toxic relationship, she leaves with scars and open wounds.
She has to heal from all the pain.
No matter how strong she is, healing from such traumatic relationships takes a lot of time.
And after some time, she will get better.
As long as she does things that are healthy for her and stays away from toxic relationships.
Even then, there are some days that she will wake up feeling unstoppable, while on other days, the memories hit her like a brick aimed at her face.
But she learns that every step away from that toxic relationship is progress, and all she needs to do is to trust the process.
Leaving a toxic relationship is like ending a particularly ugly chapter of her life.
And it is also the beginning of a new chapter where she is free to decide what happens.
It can be the beginning of that woman reclaiming herself back, one piece at a time, until one day, she realizes that she is whole again.
Or it could be the beginning of another venture into more toxic relationships.
The outcomes all depend on the choices she makes.