These are the words of a standard marriage vow.
Marriage is usually seen as a lifetime commitment, and rightfully so, if the words “till death do us part” mean anything to you.
Those words are vows to stay together through the most terrible and most pleasant times in life.
Yet, even the strongest of vows can unravel sometimes.
Sometimes, situations may make you wonder if you were in the right senses when you made your vows.
Just a few days ago, I watched a childhood friend say her vows.
I felt so proud at that moment.
I totally loved love that very moment.
However, later that night, I waxed philosophical and pondered how people exchange their vows with so much love and determination without knowing what the future may bring.
At that moment, no one was thinking about the things that could make them reconsider their vows.
I also thought about those things that could make a man reconsider his marriage vows.
I thought long and hard, and I came to a sad conclusion: there are actually many things that can make a man want to walk away from his marriage and forget about his vows.
Let’s look into these things; perhaps we can find a solution to the increasing rate of divorce in our generation.
Come along!
7 Things That Make A Man Want To Walk Away From His Marriage
1. Feeling unappreciated
Where I come from, we have a proverb that speaks of the importance of appreciation.
It goes thus: “If you are thankful for yesterday’s favors, you will get more.”
This simple proverb highlights how a simple “thank you” could get you much more favor.
People love to be appreciated.
While I like to say that I do things for people because I want to help them, hearing them thank me usually makes me feel good.
It makes me feel that I haven’t wasted my efforts.
This is similar to what a husband expects in his marriage.
He knows he is performing his duties as a husband when he does things in the relationship.
However, he still likes to know that his efforts are not going unnoticed in the relationship.
Apart from the fact that thanking him makes it easy for you to get more from him, it also shows that you value him.
It may seem very small, but when a man realizes that his efforts are going unnoticed in the relationship, he starts to get resentful.
He feels a deep sense of dissatisfaction in the marriage because it seems like nothing he does is good enough to deserve his wife’s appreciation.
Over time, this resentment and dissatisfaction may build up to threaten the relationship’s very foundations.
When you don’t appreciate your husband, you are steadily eroding the foundation of your relationship.
You are gradually making him forget those things that motivated him to make a lifelong vow to remain by your side.
You are leaving him memories of all those things that he has come to dislike about you.
Lack of appreciation in marriage is one of the things that can make a man want to walk away from his marriage.
2. Frequent arguments
I have met people who love fighting, so I wouldn’t generalize and say, “No one loves fighting all the time.”
Personally, I dislike arguments and fights.
The whole drama saps my energy, and if it continues for some time, I may end up losing weight because I am in a hostile environment.
Well, disagreements can occur in marriages.
In fact, if they don’t, you should be worried.
However, there’s another extreme.
Some couples fight all the time.
Leave them together in a room for one hour, and they would have started fighting.
That’s a really exhausting environment to live in.
One time, I lived in a house with neighbors who were always fighting.
They were married and lived upstairs while I stayed in the flat downstairs.
This couple fought almost every night.
There was one particular night that the wife got so angry that she picked up his television and threw it over the balcony.
I wasn’t in their marriage, but I was always tense because they could start fighting at any time, and their fights could endanger my welfare.
I wasn’t even living with them and was still exhausted by their marriage.
If every conversation leads to an argument, it is not so farfetched that the man may begin to consider exiting the marriage.
This is especially true if he actually is an easygoing person and the arguments always originate with his wife.
When the marriage begins to feel more like a warfront than a relationship, a man may decide to seek peace outside the marriage.
“If you can’t stand the heat, leave the kitchen.”
He takes this quote really seriously and may decide to exit the marriage since he can’t bear the constant fighting and tension.
3. Sexual dissatisfaction
In a bid to prove that marriage is about more than sex, many people make the mistake of treating sexual intimacy like it’s not so important.
That’s a big mistake because while a building may have many pillars, if one is weak or missing, the building becomes shaky.
This doesn’t just apply to buildings alone.
It also applies to relationships.
Imagine you are in a beautiful relationship, emotional intimacy is top-notch, love and trust are also one hundred percent, and sexual intimacy is great too.
Then, imagine that sexual intimacy begins to reduce until it is non-existent.
This lack of sexual intimacy takes a toll on every other aspect of the marriage.
Emotional intimacy drops, love becomes a memory that is increasingly difficult to remember, and trust flies out the window, especially if one of the partners begins to cheat.
The fact is that sexual intimacy deserves more credit than we give it in marriages.
When a man is sexually dissatisfied in the marriage, it gradually sucks out the pleasure of the marriage from him.
He is totally unhappy being in the marriage because it feels like his needs are not being met.
This usually creates a gulf between the couples.
Their marriage may begin to take on the appearance of strangers who don’t like each other sharing a house.
When a man has consistently lived with this situation over time, he may decide to actually walk away from the marriage or just find satisfaction out there with another woman.
Either way, he has already mentally checked out of the marriage.
4. Infidelity
While many people have shown the inclination to forgive infidelity, I still consider it a deal breaker.
It is a betrayal of trust that leaves wounds so deep that even time may not be able to heal.
Based on my personal experiences in Nigeria, I have come to the conclusion that women forgive infidelity more than men.
While I have seen a few cases where the man remains in the marriage after discovering his wife’s infidelity, this doesn’t actually mean that he has forgiven her.
He may refer to it sometimes and lash out at her because of it.
I have seen this happen in my environment.
Infidelity can shatter the trust and security that a marriage is built on.
Once a man loses his trust in his wife, it is usually hard to regain that trust.
In fact, for most men, infidelity is the breaking point for whatever hopes they may have for their marriage.
Infidelity is a major reason many men want to walk away from their marriages.
A little side note:
While I may have written mostly about a man leaving his marriage because his wife cheated on him, there are also examples of other men who walk away from their marriages because they are having affairs with other women.
It is not odd to see a man leave his wife to be with his mistress.
The fact remains that whether it’s his actions or his wife’s, the betrayal of infidelity can be a breaking point of any marriage.
5. Different life goals
“Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.“–
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Airman’s Odyssey
In his book “Airman’s Odyssey,” Antoine de Saint-Exupéry made this statement to show that love isn’t just about attraction between two people.
More than anything else, it involved a unity in purpose and the idea of working towards similar goals.
Well, they always say that change is the only constant thing in life.
People evolve all the time, and while it is good to evolve into a better version of yourself, sometimes evolving has this way of changing your priorities.
If a man finds out that his goals are now different from his wife’s, it may galvanize him to walk away from his marriage.
The thing is that when your goals no longer align in marriage, it may create a sense of incompatibility.
It may feel like you are trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.
When dreams and ambitions diverge significantly, he might feel that the marriage is holding him back from pursuing his true path.
Recently, my uncle almost divorced his wife.
It took a lot of advice, therapy, and counseling to keep the marriage together.
The simple reason for this was that they had gotten to a point in their marriage where it seemed like his wife was more concerned about her career than the marriage and the children.
In this case, all it took was some gentle nudges in the right direction.
She needed to rediscover those things that used to be important to her and why they were important.
Dear men, evolving is not a good enough reason to leave your marriage.
Sometimes, all you need to do is take some time to refocus on the things that truly matter.
6. Financial burden
Money issues can cause a lot of trouble in relationships.
Sometimes, people tell me I need to get married, and it’s just so funny to me because the way these people talk about marriage makes it look so easy.
Well, marriage isn’t as easy as people make it out to be.
And while love is a major part of marriage, other things matter as well.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of marital strife.
Financial burdens can create a constant undercurrent of tension and anxiety in a marriage.
Some women feel that their husbands have to take care of all the bills in the house.
You may have heard women say, “My money is my money, but my husband’s money is our money.”
This kind of mentality is not helpful and should be discontinued.
There is only so much one man can do.
That’s why a wife is there to help.
If a man feels that financial pressures are insurmountable or that his partner is not supportive in managing these challenges, it can drive a wedge between them, leading him to consider leaving.
Constant nagging because of finances and a reluctance to help him out are some of the things that can make a man walk away from his marriage.
His reasoning is that if he can’t get support from his partner, he is better off without one.
7. Personal issues
When we speak about the reasons a man may walk away from his relationship, we mustn’t discount personal issues.
It is possible that your husband may still want out of the marriage even when you are doing nothing wrong in your relationship.
Sometimes, the things that makes a man walk away from his marriage have little to do with the marriage.
Personal struggles such as stress, anxiety, or unresolved trauma can weigh heavily on a man.
If he feels overwhelmed by his issues, he might believe that stepping away from the marriage is necessary to regain his balance.
Also, there’s the fact that some men have personal issues with being committed.
After getting into the marriage and seeing the level of responsibility it requires, he may bail out on you.
This type of man needs to grow up.
He must learn that what defines a man isn’t his physical features.
Rather, it is his ability to handle responsibilities.
Here we have them!
These are the things that make a man want to walk away from his marriage.
The reason we have many divorces in our generation is simple.
We believe love to be an emotion, a feeling that wells up inside and gives goosebumps.
We are so consumed by this belief that we are not prepared for when the goosebumps disappear.
Love is also a decision; it is more of a decision than a feeling.
When we come to accept this, our marriages will be more successful.
We would realize that even when the goosebumps are no longer there, our decision to love should still stand.
By sharing this and the things that make a man want to walk away from his marriage, I am happy that we would address these issues proactively in our marriages and relationships.
If things are done rightly, we will be able to ensure that our marriages are successful and sources of happiness instead of regret and thoughts of quitting.