Cheating is a painful betrayal of trust, and cheaters usually go to great lengths to keep their infidelity under wraps.
This is because, on some levels, they are aware of the hurtful nature of their behavior and are afraid of their partner’s reaction to such a revelation.
No one lies, gaslights, and manipulates better than a cheating man ( or woman, because cheating isn’t gender specific).
I have seen cheaters look their partner in the eye and calmly insist that they have never even thought of cheating in their lives, only for their partners to later discover that they have been lied to.
Well, the truth is you can’t just expect a cheater to confess his infidelity to you unless you have solid proof.
So, if you have ever had the gut feeling that your partner may be cheating, you are not alone.
Several other people have experienced this.
However, instead of challenging him without any proof, you need to pay closer attention to things.
Here are the common, subtle tactics that men use to conceal their affairs, along with the red flags to watch out for.
6 Sneaky Ways Men Hide Their Cheating
1. He suddenly becomes a workaholic
Work is great.
Most of us have to work to survive.
There are times when work can get really busy for us, and we can hardly get any free time to spend with those we love.
It is understandable.
It is at those times that some of us may wonder if the whole struggle to make ends meet is worth it.
While work can be hectic sometimes, it has become a cover for some men’s sinister activities.
Cheaters have always seen “work” as a go-to excuse for their absence from home and their abandonment of their partners.
It could be difficult to tell when a man is using work to cover up his extramarital affairs, but if you pay close attention to details, you should be able to catch him at his game.
The first thing to look out for is that he “suddenly” becomes busy at work.
“Suddenly” is the keyword here.
In the past, his work was stressful, but never so demanding that he had to work late into the night and even on weekends.
But suddenly, everything has changed.
He appears to be assuming more responsibilities at work and taking on additional tasks.
Well, it is possible that he was promoted at work, but it could also be a sign of something more sinister.
A cheating man uses work as an excuse for his absence.
It is the perfect excuse.
After all, you can ask him to stop working just to stay at home with you.
The red flags that would show you if this excuse is false are obvious.
You don’t just know what to look for yet.
When he works so hard at work, even dedicating weekends to work, and his salary doesn’t change, it could be a red flag.
Increased responsibility at work should translate into high remuneration, especially with all the efforts he puts into working.
Another important thing to note is that when a man is using work to cover up his cheating, he is usually vague about the details.
Just “Honey, I’ll be working late today.”
No additional details.
Or “Just a meeting with… uh, the team.”
And the most important sign is that when you ask further questions, he gets very defensive and flares up.
All these are suspicious red flags you should notice if your man is trying to hide his cheating with work.
2. He guards his phone closely
Technology has made many things so easy, even cheating.
I wonder how hard it would have been to cheat back in the days when people had to send letters.
Anyway, cheaters use their phones to contact their mistresses.
And one of the first signs of this is the number of secret phone calls he has to make.
Back then in secondary school, dating was taboo, but of course, teenagers love to break the rules.
So, we would date each other, and since communication is key, we would call each other frequently.
What characterized most of these calls was the fact that they were usually made from the toilet or a closet in the house.
When a grown man starts acting in this manner, it is suspicious.
I personally think that any call you can’t take in front of your spouse is suspicious.
Anyway, when a man cheats, he guards his phone closely to hide his affair.
His phones have more password protection, and they are usually locked tighter than Fort Knox.
When he chats on his phone, he angles his phone away from you to prevent you from seeing the content of his conversations.
He picks up certain calls in another room and spends a long time on those calls.
The last thing he does to hide his tracks on his phone is to constantly clear his chats and also delete his browsing history.
I have a standing rule.
The moment we see a phone with a nearly empty browsing history, I know something strange is going on.
One of the red flags you will notice when a man is trying to hide his cheating by guarding his phone is you would notice the way he freaks out if you just glance at his phone’s screen.
He also never leaves his phone unattended.
In fact, he acts like it is an appendage.
It follows him everywhere, even into the shower.
I know phones are private, but this level of guardedness is very suspicious.
3. “The Innocent Friend” cover
Almost every woman who has complained about her husband’s relationship with a female has gotten the “she is just a friend” reply.
And the truth is that she could actually just be a friend in some of those cases.
However, it has become a cover many men use to hide their cheating from their wives.
It’s a simple but very pivotal move.
He claims to have met this new friend recently.
Either at work, the gym, or any other place.
The main point is that he meets a female, and unlike many other men who may try to hide this “friend” from you, he even introduces her to you.
So, he seems really transparent at this point.
I mean, what else could you ask for when you have such a transparent husband?
I have seen this happen before.
When I was a kid, we had this couple as neighbors.
The wife used to travel sometimes for a few days.
In the beginning, things were alright until they stopped being alright.
Her husband introduced a lady to his wife as a student from the university where he worked as a lecturer, and the lady became very close to them.
The wife took her as a friend, but what she didn’t know was that whenever she traveled for days, the lady would come and stay with her husband for days.
This went on for quite some time until the lady herself got married.
A classic way to hide an affair is to be “transparent” with you about their friendship while keeping things inappropriate behind your back.
It is harder to notice the red flags here, but if you are attentive enough, you will see them.
You could notice that he seems to talk about her too much, but downplays their closeness.
That’s an old trick boys used to hide their schoolboy crush on girls.
They seem to talk frequently, but he doesn’t like sharing much about their conversations.
He even gets overly defensive when you express discomfort about how often he communicates with her and mentions her name around the house.
4. Massive gaslighting
No one gaslights better than a man trying to hide an affair.
This is because manipulation naturally accompanies cheating.
No cheater wants to admit that they have cheated.
So, unless you have concrete proof, prepare to be gaslit to the point that you may even start questioning your judgment.
You can see white, and an experienced cheat will make you think you saw black if it suits his purposes.
When you express your suspicion because usually, no one can hide cheating without slipping and showing some signs, he turns it around on you.
He attempts to make you feel guilty for being suspicious of him.
“Why are you so insecure?” or “I can’t believe you don’t trust me!” are common lines to shut down the conversation.
And it works, almost all the time.
You start questioning yourself, wondering if you truly saw what you thought you saw.
The cycle continues until you get concrete proof that can not be manipulated.
Gaslighting is so subtle, and that’s why so many people don’t even know when they are victims of it.
The first red flag you should notice is how he always twists every argument to make you feel guilty.
It doesn’t matter what he did; you just end up apologizing for making him feel bad.
Another sign that you have suffered major gaslighting from your partner is that you now question your judgment.
The truth is that when you confront a cheater with your concerns, he only dismisses them without giving you any form of reassurance.
He tosses your concerns out and proceeds to manipulate you into feeling sorry for confronting him.
5. He uses friends as his alibi
There is something guys refer to as “bro code”.
The first rule of the bro code is to always support a brother, even in his lies.
I have always hated this, and so many of my male friends know I won’t be part of a cover-up for them.
Friends are usually tools that cheaters use to cover up their cheating.
They use them as alibis for their misadventures.
If a cheater’s absence at home is noticed, he conveniently says he was visiting a close friend.
Some wives just take their husbands’ word for it, but others may take it a step further and try to confirm from the friend in question.
Trust male friends, they are always ready to say whatever their friend wants them to.
Some friends do it without having knowledge of the infidelity, while some others have full knowledge and still help their cheating friend hide his affair.
6. He still acts like he is invested in the relationship
Some cheaters hide their affairs by pretending to be totally committed to their partners.
They invest a lot of effort into ensuring that there is no noticeable change in their behavior.
They will continue to maintain the same behavior at home and show affection to you as if you were their world.
This type totally scares me.
It could take a very long time before you discover their cheating.
However, if you are still attentive, you will observe some little changes here and there.
There may be periods when he stays away from home.
Sometimes, you could notice a forced quality about him during intimacy.
Physical intimacy is mechanical, and he may feel like he is just enduring it instead of enjoying it.
Also, you may notice a slight reluctance to spend time with you occasionally.
Finally, I must state that not every late-night or secretive text means cheating, but consistent shady behavior is a problem.
If something feels off, pay attention.
A trustworthy partner will reassure you, not make you feel crazy for asking questions.
He will reassure with not just his words, but his actions as well.
However, if he keeps on giving you cause to doubt him, then he is most likely doing something he doesn’t want you to know about.