As a child, I always dreamed of meeting my beautiful soulmate and living happily ever after with her and our three children.
No hassles.
I never even thought of anything else apart from that vague promise of forever happiness.
Well, I am older, and now I understand that there are other factors that can help build a successful marriage.
Maturity is realizing that there are no happily ever afters.
Maturity is realizing that a man can get tired of his marriage.
Maturity is also knowing that a man can also be dedicated to his marriage and determined to love his wife every single day.
Even on the days he doesn’t feel like it.
The longer you stay married, the more responsibilities you get.
You start thinking of getting an actual home for your family, finances, and your children.
Marriage begins to feel like a chore at this point.
This is the point that couples are supposed to even be more intentional about their marriage, but most of the time, it is at this point that they give in to the pressure of their responsibilities.
They are so carried away by these responsibilities that they forget how to be friends with each other.
The marriage begins to gradually lose its spark.
It is possible for a man to lose interest in his wife in this kind of situation.
So, banish every thought of happily ever afters from your mind and stay with me as we explore the various ways men show they have lost interest in their wives.
As a bonus, we will also look at simple tips that can help such wives regain their husbands’ interest.
9 Ways Men Show They’ve Lost Interest In Their Wives
1. He stops spending quality time with you
I was the kind of kid who wasn’t fascinated by the things other kids loved.
I had different interests from the kids around me, which made it difficult for me to connect with them.
By the teenage stage, while my mates were already dating, I was still struggling with talking to most ladies.
Not because they didn’t like me.
It was more of a “it’s not you, it’s me” situation.
Until I met a girl that took my breath away.
I experienced what it felt like to wish that you could just talk to someone forever.
I wanted to spend time with her all the time.
I didn’t understand what I felt then, but now I know.
I think I fell in love for the first time then.
Well, I won’t bore you with the story of my first love.
My point is I wanted to spend quality time with her because I was interested in her.
When a man is interested in you, he spends quality time with you.
You don’t have to ask him before he does.
However, if you notice that your husband has gradually reduced the amount of time he spends with you, it is a sign that something is wrong.
Typically, the responsibilities of adulthood and marriage could contribute to the reduction of quality time spent with you.
However, when a man is still interested in his wife, he spends his free time with her.
There are many men who don’t go home straight after work.
They spend hours hanging out at bars and clubs with their friends.
They return home late at night frequently and sleep instantly.
When I see men like this, I realize that they actually don’t want to spend time with their wives.
It’s not the pressures and responsibilities that are keeping them away.
It is a disinterest in spending quality time with their wives.
One major way a man shows his disinterest in his wife is by spending as little time as possible with her.
2. He avoids long conversations
I know a man who only calls his wife when he wants to ask for something.
He calls her, asks for what he wants, and ends the call instantly.
He doesn’t ask her, “How is your day going?” or “How are you?”
I understand that many people may not really want to talk on the phone when they know they will still see each other at the end of the day.
However, if a man starts behaving this way with his wife, even at home, it could be a sign that he has lost interest in her.
Communication is the lifeline of any relationship.
Conversations about your day and your partner’s are the most basic things married people should discuss in marriage.
Remember the early days of your relationship?
Those days when you had long conversations about dreams, goals, fears, and other things you considered important.
What has changed since then?
Those meaningful conversations are not meant to stop just because you are married and now have some kids.
But it stops for many couples.
Their discussions are now like business transactions.
They talk about bills, the children, and the house but never about themselves.
If you try your best not to end up like these couples, but your husband seems disinterested in talking to you, it could feel like you are on an impossible mission.
This reflects indifference and disinterest on his part and is usually a sign that the relationship is steadily deteriorating.
It needs an intervention.
3. He avoids physical intimacy
Physical intimacy is the pillar of romantic relationships.
We can talk of emotional intimacy like it is more important, but physical intimacy is equally important.
Physical intimacy goes beyond the bedroom.
It encompasses those other small gestures of affection that make you feel loved.
The hugs, holding each other’s hands, the kisses, and cuddles are all important aspects of physical intimacy.
When a man loses interest in his wife, those affectionate gestures become extinct in your relationship.
Those stolen kisses and warm hugs that defined your marriage become non-existent.
Even casual physical contact is a rare occurrence.
It feels like he is avoiding her in just about every way you can think of.
Even the few times he touches her, his touch feels quite cold and impersonal– the way you’d touch a stranger.
If this is happening in your marriage, and it feels like your husband is making every effort to rebuff you, it is a sign that he has lost interest in you.
4. He is emotionally distant
Lack of physical intimacy and emotional distance usually walk hand in hand.
An emotional disconnect is a clear sign that your man’s interest in you is waning.
It just feels like your husband couldn’t care less about whatever you are doing with your life.
He is no longer your confidant because it feels like he doesn’t listen to you whenever you speak to him.
If he is a rude person, he perhaps even cuts you off.
If he is polite, he pretends to listen while, in actuality, he is far away.
It feels like you are talking to a wall because he doesn’t seem to be listening or empathetic enough to support you through tough times.
When you start getting that feeling that your husband doesn’t want you to confide in him, it is a sign of disinterest.
Ideally, your husband is supposed to be your safe space, but if you realize that whenever you talk to him, the burden never lightens.
Instead, it becomes heavier, and it is a sign that he has lost interest in you.
5. He is over-critical
You know how I said a man who has lost interest in you has no interest in communicating?
Well, I forgot to add something important.
He has no interest in communicating with you except when he wants to complain about something you didn’t do well.
Then, he talks to you.
When interest turns into disinterest, it is a sign that admiration has turned into disdain.
What this simply means is that your man’s loss of interest in you is synonymous with his loss of admiration for you.
In its place, he starts nursing disdain, which manifests in unnecessary criticism.
He starts finding fault in almost everything you do.
He starts complaining about everything from how you dress to how you cook.
It feels like nothing you can do can ever satisfy him.
He stops appreciating your efforts and starts criticizing them.
Nothing is ever enough for him.
He is not being a perfectionist.
He is just no longer interested in you.
Once, a man who lived on my street years ago told me he wanted to end his relationship with his girlfriend because he no longer liked her.
He wanted someone new but didn’t have the guts to end things the usual and most honorable way.
So, he went about it in this diabolical fashion.
He started criticizing everything she did.
If she cooked, she didn’t cook well.
If she didn’t cook, she was a lazy female that no one would marry.
He continued for weeks until, one day, the lady shouted, “I am done!” right back at him.
He told me that it was all he could do to keep the smile of triumph from his face.
She walked out of the relationship, and he was free to move on to his next victim.
I told him he was a coward and an evil person, and that was the last time he spoke to me before leaving the area.
When men start constantly criticizing you, it may be a way to drive you away because they are no longer interested in you.
6. He no longer plans for the future with his wife
A man who has lost interest in his wife may show a marked reluctance to plan for the future with her.
He is at that point where he is questioning his relationship with her and probably wishing for the days when he was a free bachelor.
In the past, there were discussions about the future.
Talks about vacations, home improvements, what school to send the kids and other important things filled your home.
Now, it feels like it is hard to get him involved in any plan at all.
Not even something as simple as what to prepare for dinner.
It feels like he just wants to avoid anything that involves planning with you.
Well, this is a sign that he has lost interest in you and is not so concerned about the future with you.
7. He is focused on his phone
With how rapidly digital the world is becoming and the numerous benefits, there has been this negative side effect on families.
In the past, people spent festive periods like Christmas hanging out with family members, talking, and catching up on each other’s lives.
Now, most people spend their Christmas in a big room with family members who are just like strangers, and the saddest part is that they still don’t make an effort to connect.
Everyone just seems so interested in their phones, tablets, and laptops.
If this is how your husband behaves the few times he stays at home, it is a sign that something is wrong.
No one is saying it is wrong to use your phone, but if everyone spends all their free time on their phones, we will miss out on truly connecting with each other.
If your husband is constantly engrossed in his phone, computer, or gaming console, preferring virtual interactions over spending quality time with you, it’s a sign that he is disinterested in you.
8. He gets angry over little things
Arguments are normal in relationships.
It is not possible to be in a relationship with someone for a long time, and you haven’t even had one disagreement.
But when small disagreements escalate into full-blown, intense fights constantly, it raises the question: What on earth is happening in that relationship?
If your partner seems angry all the time, it is a sign that there are deep-seated issues in the relationship.
You feel like you are walking on eggshells around your husband, and any small misstep could lead to an explosion.
Every minor inconvenience doesn’t have to turn into a fight, but if that’s how things are in your relationship, it could be a sign that your husband no longer wants to be in the relationship.
He is disinterested and hence seizes every opportunity to display his dissatisfaction and frustration in the relationship.
9. He blames you for everything
A man who’s losing interest might project his guilt by blaming you for his disengagement.
Once, a female friend contacted me after a long period of inactivity, asking, “What’s happening to us? It feels like I don’t even know what’s happening in your life anymore.”
I had to tell her that if she had replied to my last two messages, she wouldn’t be asking.
The truth is that sometimes people ask these questions or make statements to project their guilt onto you.
Statements like “You’ve changed” or “You don’t make me happy anymore” are not just unfair; they’re attempts to justify his own emotional withdrawal.
If your husband says things like this after disappearing on you for months and hardly communicating, refuse to be gaslit into thinking you are at fault.
However, this doesn’t mean you should throw the blame back at him.
Take the opportunity to address the issues you have been facing in the relationship.
Communicate your thoughts and ask for his perspective on things.
Let him know you are ready to work at reigniting the spark in the relationship.
Open communication, couples therapy, or simply reconnecting through shared activities can sometimes reignite the spark.
Dear couples, there are times you will feel bored in your marriage.
Remind yourself of how you felt while taking your vows and renew them to yourself.
Boredom is the least of the challenges you will face in marriage.
But with determination and intentionality from both partners, you will enjoy a more fulfilling and healthy marriage.
Remember that love is a journey, not a destination, and every marriage has ups and downs.
Even the most successful ones.