Marriage is beautiful.
I love being married (it’s been a decade), and I wouldn’t trade my husband for anything in the world.
But really, there are some things about marriage that would’ve made me think twice if someone had sat me down before my wedding and laid them out clearly.
Because they’re hard truths you’re not warned about when you’re picking out wedding dresses and tasting cakes.
Everyone talks about the romance, the sex, the cute babies alert!…and all.
But nobody talks about the uncomfortable realities that come with tying your life to another human being forever.
So let me be the one to tell you what nobody told me:
1. You’ll Sometimes Genuinely Dislike Your Spouse
Not just annoyed or frustrated.
I’m talking about actual dislike.
No kidding.
I had one of those moments some days ago, and I said to myself out loud, ”How did I end up with someone like this!?”
I’ve learned from experience that it’s better to say these things to yourself than to say them to your spouse. 😂
Words are irrevocable and once spoken, cannot be retrieved, so better to say them to yourself.
So, there will be moments, days, even weeks, where you look at this person you married, and you genuinely don’t like them.
And it’s terrifying the first time it happens because you think, “Oh God, I made a mistake. I married the wrong person.”
But this is normal.
I mean, 24 hours after the moment I mentioned earlier, my husband and I became besties again.
We communicated our feelings, settled the fight, said our sorrys, played our favorite board game, and did the most intimate thing that married couples do. 😘
So it’s very normal to dislike your spouse temporarily.
You’re living with another human being who has their own habits, moods, opinions, and ways of doing things.
And sometimes, those things will irritate you so much that you can’t stand to be around them.
The difference between a marriage that survives and one that doesn’t isn’t whether you have these moments.
It’s whether you can push through them knowing that this feeling will pass.
Because it does pass. Always.
The person you dislike on Tuesday becomes the person you’re laughing with by Friday.
But if someone had told me before marriage, “There will be times you genuinely don’t like your husband,” I would’ve been shook.
2. Your Sex Life Will Require Intentionality
If anybody had told me as a single woman that one day I would have to schedule sex, I would have laughed in their face.
Schedule?
Are we booking dentist appointments or what?
Back then, desire was automatic.
You see each other, sparks fly.
End of story.
But marriage, just like life, will humble you.
Between work, children, bills, fatigue, hormones, stress, and just life being life, you will realize very quickly that physical intimacy does not maintain itself.
It must be protected, prioritized, and sometimes planned.
And the first time you both look at each other and say, “Okay, maybe Friday night?” it feels so unromantic you want to cry.
But the truth is, it’s easy to be spontaneous when you don’t share responsibility.
When you’re dating, you’re not discussing school fees, in-laws, leaking taps, kids, or school runs.
You meet, miss each other, you part, and that tension fuels desire.
In marriage, you see each other every day.
Desire must now coexist with familiarity.
And familiarity can either deepen intimacy or dull it.
Remember what they say about familiarity bringing contempt?
That’s where intentionality comes in; otherwise, you’d not know the way to each other’s private parts anymore.
And if nobody warned you, you’ll panic and think something is wrong.
Nothing is wrong, dear.
You’re just married. 😂
3. You’ll Carry Resentment You Never Expected
Resentment sneaks up on you in marriage.
You don’t wake up one day furious.
You wake up one day and realize you’ve been keeping score for months or even years.
I remember telling my husband what he did that hurt me when we had our daughter.
I resented the fact that he let me feed our baby at night all by myself while I was in pain (I had CS for both of our children).
In his defense, he said he had to get a good night’s sleep because he needed to drive to work the following day.
Yes, I understand, but it still hurts.
I told him this when our daughter clocked 7.
I didn’t even realise how much it hurt until I said it out loud.
He was even shocked himself.
So, resentment can build up silently for years.
You resent that he gets to sleep in on weekends while you’re up with the kids.
You resent that his career always seems to take priority over yours.
You resent that you’re the one who has to remember everything: birthdays, appointments, what groceries we need, and when bills are due.
You resent that he can just relax after work while you have to cook for the family.
Small things, things you don’t even realize you’re tallying until suddenly you’re exploding over something minor because you’ve been holding in months of resentment.
So, nobody tells you that even in a good marriage, resentment will build if you’re not actively addressing things.
You can love someone deeply and still resent them for things they don’t even know they’re doing.
And you have to learn to speak up before the resentment becomes poison because unchecked resentment kills marriages faster than almost anything else.
4. There’s No Escape When Things Get Hard
I always tell people that it’s not over until it’s over.
You’re not married until you’re married.
Relationship, no matter how long it is, is not marriage.
So, it’s easier to break up a relationship than leave a marriage.
When you’re dating, and things get tough, you can take a break or even break up.
But when you’re married and living together, it’s more complicated.
You now share a life.
There’s no real escape when you’re going through a hard time.
You have to face it and work through it, and that’s terrifying if you’re not prepared for it.
Because there will be times when your marriage is hard and you’re tired and you just want to run away from it all.
But you can’t because you made a commitment.
“For better and for worse. In sickness and in health. For richer and for poorer.”
Those are vows, and they’re not just mere words; they’re sacred.
So you stay, and work through it, and some days, that feels impossible.
And that forced proximity during hard times is both the blessing and the curse of marriage.
It’s a blessing because it forces you to work through things instead of running.
It’s a curse because sometimes you genuinely need space, and you don’t get it. 😔
Nobody tells you that marriage will sometimes feel claustrophobic, and that you’ll feel trapped even though you love this person.
I’m not scaring you away from marriage.
Marriage is still one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
But I wish someone had told me these hard truths before I walked down the aisle to prepare me, not to discourage me.
Marriage is beautiful, but it’s also hard.
It’s the best thing and the hardest thing all at once.
And if you go into it expecting fairytales and happily-ever-after without any struggle, you’re going to be shocked when reality hits.
So yeah, these things would’ve scared me if I’d known them before my wedding.
But they wouldn’t have stopped me from marrying my husband.
They would’ve just helped me understand that marriage is a choice you make every single day, not just on your wedding day.
And some days, that choice is harder than others.
But it’s still worth it.
I’m rooting for you!