I wrote 7 things men want in bed but are too shy to say, and it’s been one of our top posts.
It’s only fair that I write for the women too.
And as a woman, I’m so excited to be writing this because I know I’ll echo the thoughts of every woman and make you feel validated.
6 Things Women Want in Bed But Are Too Shy To Say
1. We Want You to Take Your Time
Of course, life is busy, and even busier when you have kids.
Sometimes you’ll be lucky to even get a quickie, let alone a full romantic evening with candles and music.
But then there are those times when you have the house to yourselves, when the kids are at grandma’s, or you’ve finally got a free Saturday morning, and we’re hoping you’ll slow down and savor the moment with us.
Instead, you’re still operating in quickie mode like someone’s about to knock on the door any second.
When there’s a luxury of time, we want you to use it.
We want you to explore, to take your time with every part of us, to act like you have all day to appreciate what’s happening.
I don’t just mean longer foreplay, though that’s part of it.
I mean the whole experience moving at a pace that lets us both be fully present instead of rushing toward the finish line.
When you take your time, it tells us that being with us is something you want to enjoy, not just something you want to get done.
It makes us feel like we’re worth slowing down for in this busy world.
When we feel you savoring the experience with us, we get more into it too.
We stop thinking about our to-do lists and start focusing on what’s happening between us.
So when you have the gift of time and privacy, don’t waste it by treating physical intimacy like you’re still on a ten-minute timer.
Use those moments to reconnect with your wife, rediscover her body, and remember why you fell in love with her in the first place.
Those unhurried moments are when the best intimacy happens, when you both feel like you have permission to be present with each other without watching the clock.
2. We Want More Foreplay, And We Want It to Be Creative
Yes, we know you know about foreplay, but how creative are you with it?
Most men think foreplay is just a few minutes of the same routine touches before moving on to the main event.
Kiss, touch here, touch there, okay, ready? Let’s go.
But that’s not foreplay.
That’s a warm-up, and we need more than a warm-up.
We need time and variety.
We need you to enjoy the process of building anticipation instead of treating it like a mandatory checkpoint you have to pass before the real thing starts.
We want creative foreplay, one that surprises us and doesn’t follow the same script every single time.
We want you to explore, try different things, and pay attention to what makes us respond and then do more of that.
And we want it to last longer than five minutes because women’s bodies don’t work like men’s.
We don’t go from zero to ready in seconds.
We need time to get out of our heads and into our bodies and time to want what’s about to happen.
3. We Want to Try New Things
Men are not the only ones who want variety and adventure in the bedroom.
Women want to try new things too.
We get curious, we have fantasies, we see or read things that make us think, “I wonder what that would be like.”
But we don’t always say it because we’re scared you’ll think we’re weird.
Scared you’ll judge us and make us feel embarrassed for wanting something different.
You might even question where we got the idea from.
So we keep our curiosity to ourselves and stick to the same routine.
But know that we want to step outside the usual script and discover new ways to experience pleasure with our husbands.
4. We Want Aftercare That Makes Us Feel Cherished
What happens after matters just as much as what happens during.
But most men don’t know this, or they know but don’t care.
You finish, roll over, and within minutes, you’re asleep, on your phone, or you’re up and moving on to the next thing.
And we’re lying there feeling used, like what just happened was about your release, not about us connecting.
For us women, intimacy doesn’t end when the physical act ends.
We need those moments after to feel close to you, to feel cherished, not just satisfied.
We want you to hold us, talk to us, stay present with us, and not jump up immediately like you just completed a task and now you can move on.
5. We Want You to Tell Us How Much You Want Us
Just like my husband, most men think, “If I don’t want you, I wouldn’t have married you or be touching you right now.”
And logically, that makes sense.
But women need to hear it.
We need the words.
We need you to tell us you want us, that you desire us, and you’re attracted to us.
Not just once when you proposed or on our wedding day, but regularly, and in the moment.
Because we live in a world that constantly tells us we’re not enough.
We’re not young enough, thin enough, attractive enough, or desirable enough.
Even when we’re confident women, and we know better, we still have moments of doubt.
Moments where we wonder if you still find us attractive or still desire us the way you used to, especially after kids, weight changes, after years of marriage, and after life has changed our bodies in ways we can’t control.
Your silence doesn’t reassure us.
Your actions alone don’t either.
We need the words.
“I want you.”
“You’re so beautiful.”
“I can’t stop thinking about you.”
“You turn me on.”
Simple words, yeah, but they matter.
They make us feel desired, not just tolerated.
6. We Want You to Be Present
We know you have a million things on your mind.
Work stress, bills, project deadlines, many things you need to fix….
Life is demanding, we know.
Your brain doesn’t just turn off because it’s time for intimacy.
But when we’re being intimate with you, and we can tell your mind is somewhere else, we can feel it.
We know you’re going through the motions, but you’re not there with us.
You’re touching us but thinking about something else entirely, and it makes us feel like we’re not enough to hold your attention.
Even in this moment that’s supposed to be about us connecting, you’d rather be thinking about anything else.
We don’t need you to be perfect; we don’t need you to never have stress or worries, but we need you to be present.
Sex is beyond physical; it’s emotional and mental.
It’s two people being fully present with each other.
If you agree with what you just read, share it with your husband because I’m definitely sharing it with mine.
Not just that, I’ll share with every woman in my circle so they can read and share with their men too. ❤️