One-sided efforts in relationships are one of the most frustrating things ever.
A relationship is meant to involve an active contribution from the two parties involved.
A marriage relationship thrives even more when each person serves the other by giving them time, effort, and resources.
Doing everything for your husband and not getting anything in return is not an ideal situation.
Apart from how selfish it is, it is also not good because you will get exhausted, tired, and possibly even resentful with time.
How do you best approach this situation?
I believe understanding the reason for the situation in the first place is a great place to start.
Let us look into some possible reasons why this is happening before we walk through the solutions together. Okay?
“I Do Everything For My Husband And He Does Nothing For Me” – 10 Reasons This Happens
1. Tradition/Culture
People’s lifestyles and traditions play a huge role in their lives sometimes.
They tend to adopt popular practices carried out in their locality; unfortunately, this also involves negative practices.
For instance, in many African cultures where I come from, gender roles exist.
People place specific responsibilities on one gender and absolve the other gender from them.
In many cultures and traditions, women are tasked with the responsibility of household duties, homemaking, and nurturing.
Such cultures can influence a man’s actions and determine his involvement in his home.
Am I implying that such cultures are entirely wrong?
No.
Different things work for different people, and people see life differently.
However, the truth remains that if one person is saddled with the responsibility of keeping things running and moving in the relationship, the relationship will be unhealthy.
2. Past experiences
Your husband’s actions may be influenced by what he has seen or experienced.
Often, our actions in marriage and response to situations are an outflow of habits deposited in us from our environment.
A man who grew up with everything being done for him or under a father who never did anything for his wife may act the same way in his marriage.
Family dynamics and past experiences often shape people’s behavior, leading them to act in ways that are not ideal.
3. He’s a narcissist
Narcissists come in different forms and types.
But one common thing to most is how they exhaust their partners through their behavior.
Your husband’s failure to give you his efforts, resources, and time, even when you’re doing that for him, maybe because he’s a narcissist.
He thinks only about himself and does not consider your feelings and needs.
Being in any form of relationship with a narcissist is not one of the best things in life.
It requires a lot of patience and even professional help from a therapist.
4. Ignorance
Your husband may not be aware of his actions or the lack of it.
He may be oblivious to the happenings in your marriage and think everything is fine.
Believe it or not, it is true.
Sometimes, things can be hidden in plain sight with men, and they just keep doing their thing without noticing.
This is why couples must constantly communicate with each other and bear their hearts out.
Your husband may not understand your needs and the effects of his failure to reciprocate your actions if you don’t tell him.
6. Poor communication
As discussed above, failure to communicate your needs, expectations, and desires may lead to frustration.
You have to stop being that woman who expects her husband to be a magician or a mind reader and find out what she wants.
To be the woman who says what she wants done for her and gets it.
Weirdly, some women think they’re more noble or make a better partner because they don’t ask for their desires from their husbands.
This is not true.
If you want something, say it.
6. External pressure and stress
Pressure from work, business, or even health can cause this.
When the pressure of work and other things intensify on your husband, he may not be able to do many things for you anymore.
The burden may shift to you naturally because you’re the only person available to handle things.
It’s even worse if the issue on the ground is related to his health or emotions.
A Lack of emotional and physical well-being can affect your husband’s ability to contribute to household tasks.
7. Personal habits
Your husband may have grown up with certain behaviors that may have become habits over time.
These behaviors have been carried into his adulthood and eventually into his marriage.
Behaviors such as laziness, complacency, and irresponsibility are unhealthy practices that many people do not work on until they get partnered with someone else and their partner begins to suffer the consequences.
8. Lack of skills or knowledge
Your husband may not be doing anything because he thinks he does not know how.
Or because he really doesn’t.
If he fails to show up in the area of house chores, it may be due to ignorance or because he doesn’t possess the skill.
This can easily create an imbalance because you will be required to handle it all alone.
9. Control or dominance
If your husband is a controlling man who sees you as his subject or inferior, he is not likely to see the need to serve you in any way.
Some men are like that – they watch their wife put in all the effort and see no need to reciprocate because they believe it is her job to do everything, and they’re just meant to chill.
This, of course, is a toxic mindset, and it’s only a matter of time before such a marriage hits the rocks.
10. Parenting roles
Coming into parenthood means a lot of responsibility, especially during pregnancy, post-pregnancy, and nurturing the children in their wee years.
If you are a mother of three under five-year-old’s, overwhelm may not be far away from you.
It can make you feel like you do everything while your husband does nothing because your children are all in the dependent ages, and there is so much demand on you.
Everyone knows that being a parent is not easy.
The responsibility that comes with having children should not be shouldered by one person only.
No matter how much your husband does for you, if he leaves you alone to care for your children, an imbalance will be created, which is unhealthy for your marriage.
“I Do Everything For My Husband And He Does Nothing For Me” – 7 Things To Do About It
Relationship dynamics differ, and there are several reasons why people do the things they do.
The reasons above are not exhaustive, but they have touched on the significant reasons and will help you find the reason for your marriage.
Now, the big question is, “What should I do about it?”
1. Understand why
First, I explained the reasons above because understanding why things are how they are is critical to finding the solution.
From the reasons above, which ones best fit your situation?
You can find this out by careful observation or by communicating with your partner.
Once you have an idea of what the issue is, you will know how best to address it.
2. Consider your unique situation
Although many other people may experience the same thing as you, each individual’s situation is unique to them.
Carefully consider your unique situation and understand things based on you and your husband.
Is he able to help, and is just unwilling to?
Or is he truly incapacitated?
Is it a phase he is going through?
Only you can honestly assess the situation in your marriage and tell if your husband is trying or just doesn’t care.
Try to understand things from his perspective and be logical about the situation.
3. Talk about it
Communication is one of the possible reasons for this in the first place, so it has to be a critical part of the solution.
Have an open conversation with your husband, expressing how you feel and sharing your concerns.
But don’t just talk, listen.
Listen to and understand your husband’s perspective and try to empathize with his point of view.
The conversation should be aimed at making things better in your marriage and making it more balanced so you can set mutual goals and create a system to achieve them.
If the area he needs to step us in is the area of child care, emotional, physical, and financial support, or house chores, communicate that to him and let him know how he can help in those areas.
For this to work, he has to be willing to make it work because he may be required to learn new skills that he didn’t have before.
4. Address the root cause
You’re more likely to get a longer-lasting effect if the issue is addressed from the roots.
It is important to address the specific circumstances and dynamics within the relationship to resolve the issue.
5. Rotate responsibilities
Don’t expect the change to happen in one day because it won’t.
Take it gently and gradually, monitoring the progress until you see reasonable change.
Rotating responsibilities between you and your husband is one way to start.
You need to be clear in your expectations for this to work.
You both can even set consequences for anyone who fails to fulfill theirs.
This is just to enhance productivity and accountability.
Also, practice gentle encouragement and appreciation as you see him making those efforts.
6. Love yourself more
Working on your marriage is great, but not at the expense of your self-love and mental health.
If trying to make your spouse do better is taking a toll on your mental health, then you should pause and focus on yourself first.
Be open to delegating or outsourcing tasks to other people outside your marriage, such as hiring cleaning services.
Try to maintain your physical and emotional well-being.
This is the foundation for building a more balanced relationship.
7. Seek counseling
I’d always recommend that couples go to therapy when they need to.
Therapy and counseling help unveil and address deeper issues and improve communication.
I understand and even agree that relationships will not be 50-50 every day, with both parties putting in equal effort for each other.
On some days, one person will do more than the other, while on different days, the other will put in more effort.
That is quite normal.
What isn’t normal is one person doing everything while the other does nothing.