People get married for many reasons, but certainly not to be someone’s emotional punching bag.
While you may be inclined to be grateful that you are not a physical punching bag as well, being an emotional punching bag is quite an ordeal to go through in marriage.
Ideally, marriage is supposed to be a source of love, companionship, support, and mutual respect.
If this is a far cry from what you are experiencing, then the chances are you are your partner’s emotional punching bag, among other things.
The first thing you need to do is identify the signs that your partner uses you as an emotional punching bag before considering how to get out of this situation.
After all, knowing that something is wrong is the first step to freedom.
In this article, we will explore the signs your husband uses you as an emotional punching bag and what you can do if you can identify these signs in your marriage.
Let’s get started!
6 Signs Your Husband Uses You as an Emotional Punching Bag
1. Your husband dumps all his emotions on you
Everyone needs to vent sometimes.
The world is full of people who would hurt and irritate you in every way you can imagine that your only option may be to rant to someone.
I have had to do this several times.
I find it quite helpful in dealing with negative emotions before they push me into doing something I would regret.
The point I am trying to get at is that venting in itself is not wrong.
Your husband can vent to you after a terrible day at work or after receiving a rejection email for an opportunity he felt more than qualified for.
However, it becomes emotionally abusive if he dumps everything on you without providing reciprocal support for you.
Venting doesn’t have to be what he resorts to all the time.
He should have other ways to deal with his negative emotions.
If it feels like every time something negative happens to him, he dumps it on you without considering how you feel about it, he is using you as an emotional punching bag.
It gets even worse because he usually doesn’t allow you to vent to him.
He either acts too busy or shuts you down.
He leaves you feeling drained and overwhelmed after dumping all his stress and anger on you.
You are left bearing an emotional burden that shouldn’t be yours to bear.
If this is how you usually feel, then it is a sign that your husband uses you as an emotional punching bag.
2. You always walk on eggshells around him
One of the signs that you are already someone’s emotional punching bag is the way you are extraordinarily careful around them because you don’t want to set them off.
In University, I had this lecturer who was always unnecessarily aggressive.
She would spend most of her lecture period yelling at people for real or perceived slights.
The one time she did this with me, I told her that whatever she thought I did wrong was only her imagination.
She got really angry at me and from that point on, she seemed to have an ax to grind with me.
Well, one time, I was discussing this with a friend, and I implied that she probably was transferring aggression.
People with happy homes and jobs don’t constantly fly into rages and rants.
If you have to walk on eggshells around your husband, just like we had to with our lecturer, it is a sign that you are terrified of his anger.
If you find yourself constantly on edge, trying to avoid saying or doing anything that might set him off, it is a sign that you live in an emotionally volatile environment.
You are on edge because even a small misstep could lead to a long rant, and you just don’t want negative emotions dumped on you.
3. He brushes you off when you talk about your issues
You know how I said everyone needs to vent sometimes?
Well, your husband doesn’t think everyone needs to vent.
He believes he is the only one who deserves to vent negative emotions in the marriage.
He may not say this in direct words, but he may imply it.
He may say things like, “What troubles could you even have?” in a derisive tone.
He may also find a way to redirect your attention to his issues.
So, you are venting about how the neighbor did something terrible, and all he does is bring it back to his rant about the salary he is paid at work.
In his reasoning, if he gets paid better, then y’all can move to a better house in a better neighborhood, even if that is not what you were talking about.
The fact is that he never listens to you, but he expects you to listen to everything he says.
This behavior sucks all the joy out of marriage and leaves you tired of it all.
4. He feels entitled to your time
Don’t get me wrong, you should prioritize spending time with your husband.
However, it gets really warped when he feels entitled to your time and energy without reciprocating when you need help.
It’s a very terrible and annoying situation.
This was what ended my friendship with someone I really cared for.
She had this sense of entitlement towards me.
She could call me any time, and most of the time, she would rant about one boy or the other.
Sometimes, she’d call to ask for my help with her work, and I would help without receiving a dime.
I did all these because I felt friends had to be there for each other.
But the day came for me to ask for her help, and she was nowhere to be found.
She literally ghosted me.
Later, she returned to apologize and say she was going through a lot.
Well, I told her we couldn’t be friends anymore.
She could have told me she couldn’t help instead of ghosting.
The point I am driving at is that there is this intense selfishness that husbands who use their wives as emotional punching bags exhibit.
They feel entitled to your listening ears but don’t listen to you.
They feel entitled to your support but will pull a disappearing act on you when you need theirs.
If your husband does all of these, it is a sign he is using you as an emotional punching bag.
5. You feel like a mother to him
You know that feeling you get when it feels like you are mothering your husband instead of being a wife to him?
Well, it is a role every wife has to play occasionally.
However, if it becomes a constant occurrence, there is a problem.
You can’t be a mother to your husband all the time.
What happens to your needs as a wife if you always have to play the role of a mother in his life?
Remember when we were kids, and we would come home crying from school because someone said something hurtful or even beat us?
Remember how our mothers usually comforted us and made us feel better about ourselves?
Well, this is what you are doing in your relationship.
The only difference is that you are doing it to a grown man this time.
Having to be a mother to your partner all the time can take a toll on you because your needs as a wife may not be satisfied.
6. He blames you
The blame game!
“I wouldn’t be in this situation if I didn’t get married to you.”
“I would have gotten farther in my career, but you distract me with your needs.”
These are some of the words some husbands use when they use you as their emotional punching bag.
Your husband blames you for everything and anything.
If his boss gives him a dressing down in the office, it is because of you.
If he fails to meet a deadline, he blames you.
It doesn’t stop here.
He also gaslights you.
He twists the truth and denies things he has done in the past, making you feel like you are beginning to lose your mind because you are sure he did those things.
If your husband blames you for his problems or emotions and makes you question your perceptions and memories, he’s using you as an emotional punching bag.
This is an attempt to keep you off balance and dependent on him.
Recognizing these signs in your marriage shouldn’t drive you to panic.
It is actually the first step you are taking towards freedom.
Follow me as I give you a brief outline of the next steps you can take to move from enduring your marriage to enjoying it.
You can seek support by talking to trusted friends, family members, or a professional counselor about what you’re experiencing.
They can give you a fresh perspective and support you in this journey.
You also need to talk to your husband about what you have noticed.
You need to be firm yet calm while talking.
Don’t let him redirect the conversation to his problems.
Stay focused.
Establishing clear boundaries about unacceptable behavior is another important aspect of this journey.
Let him know that gaslighting, blaming, ignoring your needs, and refusing to listen to you is no longer an option.
You also need to prioritize your well-being by engaging in activities that make you feel good and help you relax.
Lastly, couples therapy can be valuable if your husband is willing to work on the relationship.
If not, individual therapy can help you come to terms with your feelings and make the difficult decisions you may be required to make.
You deserve to be treated with love, respect, and kindness.
And you must make decisions that ensure you get the love and marriage you deserve.