I am so grateful for social media and the ease it has brought to the world and my life specifically.
The ease of information and the access to learn from people with whom you would ordinarily wouldn’t have been able to connect.
The other day, I needed to get a new mosquito net in my area, but I was in no mood to brave the scorching sun to go to the market.
I posted on a WhatsApp group asking for vendor recommendations, and boom, in less than ten minutes, I had found my vendor!
These and many more are the advantages of social media, but when it comes to marriage, we need a well-rounded view to examine the full scope of social media’s effect on marriages.
In light of this, we will examine how social media affects your marriage in this article.
I hope it’ll cause you to introspect and make adjustments where needed.
Social Media is Harming Your Marriage in These 7 Ways
1. Reduced quality time
One major way social media harms marriages is the reduced quality time couples and even family members now have due to ‘delightful distractions.’
If you walk into a restaurant and observe two or more couples dining, you’ll find that their phones are usually the star of the show.
While the woman is taking selfies on Snapchat and posting them on her feed and status, the man is taking calls, responding to chats from his friends, and monitoring the sports scoreboard.
I can relate because sometimes my husband needs my attention, and I am just watching an interesting reel on Instagram; it now takes a lot to tear my attention away to focus on him.
What I do is that I drop my phone totally and turn off my data.
In fact, my husband and I have a rule that our phones must be kept away when we are out together.
This allows us time to focus on each other and enjoy our time.
Relationships are built intentionally, and communication has to be intentional, too.
As lovely as social media is, it has also caused many couples to drift apart because they are too engrossed online.
Husbands who would’ve spent time pillow talking with their wives would rather chat online with their friends and track tweets on Twitter.
Wives who’d shared a heart-to-heart moment with their husbands would spill their guts out on WhatsApp groups, gossiping until they’d told total strangers everything about their lives.
Some are totally besotted with TikTok and jump from one trend to another.
Some women scroll mindlessly on social media, hopping from one platform to another.
Children are also forgotten in the mix and left to spend hours watching cartoons and playing video games.
Their parents are too busy tapping on their phones to engage them.
Maybe the biggest challenge couples and parents of this age and time face is being present.
Sadly, social media has generally reduced the quality of couples’ time and family time.
2. Unrealistic expectations
Tension…
Whew!
People online have been joking that married people are out to get the singles in 2024.
This is because there have been many mushy married posts and emotional celebrity engagements and marriages this year.
On the one hand, watching all these memories online is beautiful, and some of these events felt like viewers physically attended them.
On the other hand, some people feel tension in their relationships and marriages due to the trending gist online.
A good example is Valentine’s Day, when people start posting gifts they receive, and some people start expecting much more from their partners because of what they see online.
Similarly, during the Christmas holiday, there are usually pajamas under the family tree or a couple of photographs that most people use as postcards.
While these pictures and videos are very beautiful, some people start to pressure their partners to replicate the glam they see online.
Maybe the issue is that many people lose their sense of reality when engaging on social media and start having unrealistic expectations in their marriages.
3. Discontentment and comparison
That leads us to the next point.
When people start to have unrealistic expectations of their spouses due to social media, they begin to feel discontented in their relationships.
They even start making comparisons with others.
I recall one Valentine’s Day when I felt so sad because my husband didn’t surprise me.
It made me feel so dissatisfied with our happy relationship that I decided not to give him any gifts.
Now, I am not saying or enabling partners who don’t buy gifts for their partners.
Gift-giving wasn’t a thing for my husband, but he was a cool guy who loved me.
He expressed his love differently, but I love giving gifts.
I felt so slighted that day, and when I asked myself why I felt that way, I realized that the Valentine’s surprise posts I had watched on social media had messed with my head.
I had to call myself back to consciousness and focus on the awesomeness of my relationship.
Many marriages are under attack today not because of “enemies” but because social media has made people discontent with their marriages.
They now compare their husbands or wives with the people they see online.
4. Infidelity
In the past, before social media or even mobile phones were invented, people had to arrange for clandestine meet-ups in hotels and other secret places.
The danger of being seen was even more, but now, with social media, the rate of infidelity in marriages has increased.
The shocker is that social media has given more opportunities for couples to have emotional and physical affairs.
Extramarital affairs can now be sustained without exposure because social media has given a cover for such things.
Some people are not physically cheating yet, but they are already emotionally attached to another other than their spouse.
Nigerians have a pidgin adage “Na from clap dance dey start“.
Some people also exchange nudes online with their cheating partners under the disguise of using social media.
5. Loss of privacy
One of the issues with social media is the issue of privacy.
While it is interesting that we get to meet diverse people across the world and share stories and experiences, a huge concern with sharing is how much is too much?
Many people do not know what not to share, and they put out private details about their lives, marriages, and families for likes and comments.
With the internet, one seemingly innocent post could become a nightmare years later.
Just as they say, “The internet never forgets.”
This is why wise people are meticulous about keeping details about their lives, marriages, and families away from the prying eyes of social media users.
Sometimes, the unsolicited or even solicited but dangerous opinions of social media keypad warriors could wreck a marriage if the parties involved are not wise.
6. Influence behavioural change
Change is the only constant in life; we are often more influenced than we agree to.
If you have ever bought an item because you saw an advert or saw it with someone and admired it, then there was influence.
Influence depends on who influences you and what you are being influenced to do.
While many marriages have grown stronger because of positive social media influences, there have also been negative influences.
With the booming social media influencing business and the emergence of more and more influencers on the scene, some people have been influenced behaviorally in ways that has left a dent on their marriages.
I don’t believe any grown person can be influenced without their agreement.
So, it is the individuals’ fault for being influenced, but we must recognize social media as a channel of influence.
A good example is TikTok trends, which many people are hopping on.
Some of these trends are harmless and entertaining, but some can be harmful to relationships.
For instance, the “couple challenge” trend where couples test their partner’s knowledge about them may seem innocent, but it can also create unnecessary tension if one partner gets something wrong.
Another example is the “perfect couple goals” trend, where couples try to portray a perfect relationship on social media.
This can lead to unrealistic expectations and comparisons in real-life relationships.
At the end of the day, it is up to each person to choose who or what they allow to influence them and how much weight they give to those influences.
7. Subtle addiction
I’m not gonna lie, I struggle with addiction to social media myself.
it doesn’t help that I also use social media to promote my busines.
so, whether I like it or not, I spend most of my day staring at a screen: either working or scrolling through my feeds.
And I know I’m not alone in this struggle.
Many people, including kids, are addicted to social media and technology.
In fact, there is even a term for it now – “nomophobia” which stands for the fear of being without your phone.
A lot of marriages are in trouble because one or both partners are more invested in their virtual relationships rather than their real ones.
It’s a subtle addiction with serious consequences such as anxiety, depression, and decreased productivity.
Social media can be a blessing to your marriage if you use it well.
My husband and I usually send funny memes and videos to each other throughout the day, making us laugh and strengthening our bond.
We also use it as a way to show public appreciation for each other, whether it’s a sweet comment or a photo of us together.
Social media is just a tool and how we use it determines its impact on our relationships.
I pray we get it right!