Once we shed our childhood fantasies about “happily ever afters,” we need to face the reality that a marriage can only be successful when it is built on the right foundation.
Even when built on the right foundation, all marriages go through rough patches, dispensing all notions of “happily ever afters” and paradise.
The right foundation helps a marriage survive rough patches and emerge even stronger than before.
One of the crucial components of this foundation is mutual respect.
Hence, one of the most dreadful things that can happen to a wife is to sense a shift in her husband’s attitude toward her that may signify that his respect for her is not what it should be.
When respect is no longer mutual in your marriage, it could be a source of a myriad of other issues.
Perhaps the issues you may be experiencing in your marriage constantly are a result of this loss of respect.
These signs suggest it might be so…
8 Signs Your Husband Has Lost Respect For You
1. He belittles you frequently
Subtle jabs…
When your husband’s words to you bear considerable resemblance to subtle jabs at you and your personality, it is a sign that something is wrong in the relationship.
Constructive criticism is healthy for any successful relationship.
After all, nobody can be perfect.
We can only aspire to be the best versions of ourselves, which involves learning how to do things better each day.
However, if it seems like your husband constantly criticizes you, it could be a sign of loss of respect.
Especially when he goes about it by making snide and insulting remarks about you.
These remarks and comments are usually aimed at making you feel insignificant.
He is unnecessarily sarcastic and caustic in the way he speaks to you.
This behavior may be subtle, like making jokes at your expense, or more obvious, like openly criticizing your decisions and undermining your achievements.
One time, a married woman in my area got a car for herself.
It was supposed to be a thing of joy, but her husband wasn’t happy about it.
He said, “Is this the car that you have been making noise about?“.
That statement reeked so much of contempt.
It was obvious that he had no respect for her.
The fact that he even said it in public made matters even worse.
Such occurrences can erode your sense of self-esteem over time.
In fact, if you are being honest with yourself, you may already be feeling less confident.
2. He doesn’t support you
When your husband loves and respects you, it is only natural that he supports you.
In fact, spousal support is among the major reasons why people marry.
Life can sometimes get lonely in ways that make you wish you had someone to share it with, confide in, and support you.
Well, it’s very sad if you are married and you still feel like you are doing life alone.
It just seems like your husband changed overnight from being your confidant to just that man you share a house with.
He is no longer your biggest cheerleader and doesn’t encourage you to achieve your dreams.
He dismisses your feelings and opinions without giving them much thought.
He acts very indifferently when you are struggling to attain your dreams.
At that point, it feels like he doesn’t care about you or your dreams.
This may leave you feeling very isolated and disrespected in your marriage.
When your husband begins to behave this way, it could be a sign that he has lost respect for you.
3. He ignores boundaries
Some people don’t understand the need for boundaries in marriage.
I told a friend that healthy marriages are healthy because the couples know how to respect boundaries.
He was shocked and said he didn’t feel boundaries should exist in marriage.
Well boundaries are necessary in every relationship, and I will briefly explain my reason for saying this.
The fact that a couple is so much in love doesn’t mean they don’t like to enjoy some privacy occasionally.
They want alone time.
They also want to know that they can trust their partners to provide them with privacy when they need it.
However, if your husband has lost respect for you, he most likely has also lost respect for whatever personal boundaries you have put in place.
He will intentionally cross lines that he should never have crossed normally.
This can manifest in various ways, from infringing on your privacy to disregarding your need for some time alone.
It may also involve clear rules that have been set in place to guide conduct in the relationship.
You may have set rules against yelling, speaking abusive words, and physical abuse.
If he crosses any of these lines consistently (and the last one, even once), it is a sign that he has lost respect for you.
4. He intentionally hurts you
“Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me“…
This quote doesn’t apply to married couples.
In fact, I feel like verbal and emotional abuse is even more dangerous than physical abuse.
Abusive words from someone you love have a unique way of reaching into you and grabbing your spirit by the throat, squeezing the life out of you.
Constant verbal abuse can turn a person into a shell, a shadow of their former selves.
When your husband starts using abusive words and acting cruelly, it’s an obvious sign that he has lost respect for you.
This behavior is inexcusable, as not even conflicts or disagreements justify a husband intentionally hurting his wife with his behavior and actions.
While it is true that people are not perfect, and your husband may not be in total control of his emotions on a bad day, this shouldn’t happen all the time.
If it does, it is a sign of gross disrespect for you.
If it seems like he always resorts to name-calling, snide and dismissive remarks, and hurtful actions, it shows that he absolutely disregards you.
5. He makes important decisions alone
When I was a teenager, I listened to a sermon in church, and it gave me a glimpse into the man’s marriage.
He was preaching about Abraham following God’s commandment to travel to a land he would show him.
He said, “Abraham didn’t discuss the decision with his wife. He just set out immediately. If you discuss important decisions with other people, you may never fulfill God’s will for your life”.
He then went on to say that he doesn’t like involving anybody else in his decisions.
This was already obvious in his dealings with the church board.
He was like a dictator trying to enforce his opinions over others.
The fact is that he didn’t address the real issue.
He didn’t involve his wife and the church board in decision-making because he felt they were beneath him.
No man makes decisions on their own.
They may not ask others for permission, but they would have sought advice from people they respect.
Collective decisions are important in any relationship.
It is especially important in marriage.
However, if your husband begins to make all the decisions without you, it is a sign of disrespect.
It could be something trivial, such as choosing the restaurant for dinner or choosing the location for a vacation.
If the dinner date or vacation is meant to be a surprise, that’s understandable.
But if it’s not, it could be a sign of disrespect.
You may be tempted to see the earlier examples as just romantic gestures and not disrespectful.
However, what happens when he starts making financial decisions on his own?
The constant exclusion from decision-making in your marriage shows that your husband has lost respect for you.
6. He no longer appreciates you
Appreciation is very important in any relationship.
When it’s not forthcoming from one partner, it could signify something wrong in the relationship.
Everyone wants to be appreciated in their relationship, and you are no exception.
If you’ve noticed that your husband no longer appreciates anything you do, it could be a sign that he has lost respect for you.
Picture this…
You did something nice for your husband.
You tried to do something good for him, but he didn’t appreciate it.
Now, stop imagining that and ask yourself if this is how your marriage has been recently.
It can be very hurtful if your husband no longer acknowledges and appreciates your efforts in the marriage.
It is very disrespectful and can make you feel like you are undervalued in the marriage.
7. He shows no interest in your life
When your husband respects you, he shows interest in your life.
He wants to know what is going on in your life.
But when he starts displaying a significant lack of interest in your life, it is a sign that something is wrong.
He no longer asks you about your day; even when you attempt to tell him about it, he only listens half-heartedly or cuts you off sometimes.
It just seems like he doesn’t care much about what’s happening in your life.
This gross lack of interest in your life can indicate a loss of respect for you, especially if it is accompanied by unkind words and overt criticism.
8. He doesn’t listen to you
Have you noticed how hard it is for some people to listen?
They can’t listen to you for long without interrupting you.
I know it’s not easy to listen, especially when you feel like you have something to say, but frequently interrupting your partner is a sign of disrespect.
It is a sign that you feel like what you have to say is more important than what they are saying.
This is why time slots are allocated for each speaker to speak without interruptions or interjections in debates.
If your partner talks over you all the time, dismisses your thoughts, and ignores your opinions, it is a sign that he has lost respect for you.
This is especially true if there was a time when he had the utmost respect for you and considered your opinions valuable.
You probably feel nostalgic when you think about those days and wonder if things could ever get back to how they used to be.
Well, they can.
If you have noticed these signs in your marriage, it is not the time to panic.
It is time for a heart-to-heart conversation with your husband.
Tell him what you have observed and how these observations have made you feel so disrespected.
Ask him if you have done something to deserve the loss of respect.
Then, listen to his perspective.
People don’t just lose respect for their partners.
Something is responsible for it, and it needs to be dealt with.
You could also consider seeking professional help if your husband is ready to work to improve the marriage.
It could be helpful in addressing the underlying causes of disrespect in the relationship.
Most importantly, work on your sense of self-respect.
If you don’t respect yourself, no one will.
So, if anyone tries to belittle you, their efforts will fail if you refuse to be belittled.
You can regain the respect of your husband.
But it’s not going to happen with the snap of a finger.
It requires patience.
With time, you can finally begin to enjoy the relationship you used to have.
It could even be better!