Marriage is beautiful.
However, it is not a stroll in the park.
Every marriage has its highs and lows, even the successful ones.
What makes a marriage successful is how the tough times are handled.
Some marriages, however, usually face more than their fair share of low periods.
An example of such a marriage is a marriage to a man who lacks self-confidence.
This kind of marriage can be tasking for the wives because even when they try their best to ensure their marriage is successful, their husbands’ actions may usually undermine their efforts.
When a husband lacks self-confidence, it can manifest in various behaviors that impact the relationship negatively.
To adequately deal with the issues faced in such marriages, wives must first be able to discern when they are married to husbands who lack self confidence.
To help you do this in your marriage, here are some of the things husbands who lack self-confidence do their wives.
Husbands Who Lack Self-Confidence Always Do These 6 Things To Their Wives
1. He constantly criticizes you
In my third year at University, there was this course that required us to research a social problem and analyze the data to derive actionable insights.
I was the Technical Head of the research.
This meant that my team and I were responsible for everything related to the technical aspect of the research.
It should have been a piece of cake but the lecturer in charge didn’t actually know her onions in the course.
She micromanaged and wanted to be involved in everything we were doing, even if she didn’t exactly know what we were doing.
She kept on criticizing our work while most of our other lecturers commended us for doing great.
That was when I learned a lesson about people with self-esteem issues…
Criticism is a weapon to them, and they will wield it all day.
While others aim to correct with criticism, people who lack self-confidence aim to hurt you with criticism.
They aim to make you feel inadequate because they feel the same way too.
This is why you shouldn’t be so surprised that your husband criticizes you always.
It’s his own way of projecting his feelings of inadequacy to you.
It’s actually sad that your husband who claims to love you actually intentionally does and says things because he wants to make you feel bad about yourself.
But that’s how lack of self-confidence usually manifests itself in married men.
The simple aim is to keep his wife submissive, and because of his gross lack of self-confidence, he thinks the only way he can do this is to make her feel bad about herself.
If your husband frequently criticizes you and calls attention to your flaws (real or imagined), it may be a sign that he is trying to divert attention from his own perceived shortcomings.
Husbands who lack self-confidence deliberately behave in ways that erode their wives’ self-esteem and create a generally toxic relationship.
2. He is controlling
One thing I have noticed about people who lack self-confidence is their desperate need to always be in charge.
They find life easier when they are always in control and can do anything to ensure that things remain that way.
Husbands who lack self-confidence want their wives to be submissive to them at all times.
However, they don’t realize that even the Bible that commands women to be submissive also commands husbands to love their wives sacrificially, like Christ loved the Church.
This means that husbands should love their wives selflessly if they want the submission of their wives.
Well, when a man lacks self-confidence, he doesn’t attempt to gain his wife’s submission by loving her.
Instead, he attempts to crush her spirit.
He attempts to take away her autonomy, her unique personality, and anything else that doesn’t make him feel in control.
So, if your husband wants to dictate who you are friends with and what you do with your time, it may be a sign that he lacks self-confidence and wants to control you.
This doesn’t mean that your husband has no say in how you dress or who you are friends with.
He does, but the only thing he can do is to express his reservations.
He can’t force you to do what he wants, and if he attempts to do so, then it is a sign that he is trying to control your life.
If your husband exhibits this tendency to be controlling, it may be a sign that he lacks self-confidence.
3. He is overly jealous
A little bit of jealousy is beneficial in a romantic relationship.
It is a sign that your partner doesn’t take you for granted.
When a man displays a little jealousy, it is a sign that he still cares deeply about you and values his relationship with you.
However, some levels of jealousy are harmful to your relationship.
When your husband starts displaying these levels of jealousy, it could be a sign of insecurity and low self-esteem.
I have seen some really irrational behaviors from men that can only be due to a gross lack of self-confidence.
How do you get angry at your wife for being friendly with her male colleagues at work?
It doesn’t even make sense, but I have seen many men display this kind of irrational anger.
The actual truth is that a lot of men who are overtly jealous are scared of losing their wives.
If your husband behaves this way to you, it is a sign that he is afraid he may lose you to someone he perceives as being better than him.
What they don’t know is that, by being irrationally jealous, they usually push their wives away.
Dear husbands, resist the urge to be irrationally jealous.
You will end up pushing her away.
4. He emotionally manipulates you
Manipulation is another tool in the hands of a husband with low self-esteem.
They usually resort to this as a way of keeping their wives close.
When a man who lacks self-confidence feels like his relationship is in a precarious state, he doesn’t attempt to save it through effective communication skills and conflict resolution.
Rather, he resorts to emotional manipulation.
If you discover that it seems like your husband is always playing the victim in the relationship, it is a sign that he is emotionally manipulating you.
I know a man who used to do this to his wife.
He would beat his wife at the slightest provocation and then come back to blame her for his actions.
He would say, “You know you are the one who always provokes me? I love you, but you keep on provoking me.”
I am sure he had never apologized to her for anything in his life because he always had this way of spinning things and making it look like she was at fault.
Husbands who lack self-confidence also make use of emotional blackmail to keep their wives in submission.
All of these actions end up creating a very toxic environment for your marriage.
5. He never supports you
Husbands who lack self-confidence are usually the type of husbands who consider their wives’ success as threats to their authority.
When a man starts seeing his wife as a competitor rather than a partner, it can cause many problems in the relationship.
Men who have issues with their wives’ achievements are usually men with low self-esteem.
They feel their wives’ success endangers their authority.
Hence, they never support their wives in achieving their dreams.
I recently saw a movie titled “Funmilayo Ransome Kuti,” a movie about a Nigerian heroine.
She was the first woman to drive a car in Nigeria.
Beyond this, she stood up and fought for the rights of all women, even to the point that her life was in danger.
One thing that stood out for me was how supportive her husband was even when danger struck close to home.
He was an example of a man with an adequate sense of self-worth.
He wasn’t threatened by the fact that his wife was more popular and successful than he was.
He understood that his role was to support her, and that’s what he did.
If your husband seems to always downplay or dismiss your achievements, it is a sign that he lacks self confidence.
He can’t live with the idea that your achievements may eclipse his achievements.
When your husband does not celebrate your successes, it is his way of maintaining a sense of superiority.
If this happens, all you need to know is that it is the action of a husband who lacks self-confidence.
6. He embarrasses you publicly
No one loves to be embarrassed.
At least, I personally hate it.
It’s even worse when it is done publicly.
It usually leaves me feeling like melting into the ground.
I experienced this as a kid, and I really hope never to feel that way again.
Now, husbands who lack self-confidence have been known to take pleasure in being in control.
They will do anything to continue to be in control.
They will even go as far as belittling their wives in public just to feel better about themselves.
This can include making public jokes at her expense, criticizing her in front of others, and disregarding her opinions.
These acts of public humiliation are just a way for your husband to assert his dominance in the relationship.
It is his way of showing people that no matter how successful you may have become, he is still the head of the house.
Now, it is important to note that only a man with low self-esteem thinks it necessary to prove to everyone that he is the head of his house.
Being at the receiving end of these actions can be really unbearable.
You may be considering your options and, perhaps, even thinking of leaving the relationship.
And who would blame you for wanting to do that?
However, before you make a decision, ask yourself if you have exhausted every option available to you.
Open communication, empathy, and professional counseling can help both of you overcome these issues and build a healthier, more supportive relationship.
Remember that self-confidence isn’t built in a day.
But with patience and readiness to improve on the part of your husband, a successful marriage is achievable.
Dear husbands, you are not in competition with your wife.
If you are reading this, you need to make this your mantra.
Repeat it every morning when you wake up till you finally believe it.
Don’t let your insecurities and weak ego destroy a beautiful marriage.