You rejoiced on your wedding day.
Now, it feels like you are stuck in a union with a man who takes you for granted and belittles you.
The various ways he belittles you range from serial cheating, manipulation, gaslighting, and verbal abuse to physical abuse and a lot more.
You feel so sad and helpless all the time and sometimes wonder why you ever made the mistake of marrying your husband…
The sad truth is you are not alone.
There are several stories on social media of women going through similar situations in their marriages.
It doesn’t end online because if we are observant, we will notice how several women are constantly being belittled by their husbands in our close vicinities.
Husbands who are supposed to love, cherish, and protect their wives constantly belittle and put them down.
This is an aberration, and it brings up the question that I am sure has been on your mind for a long time…
What does it mean when your husband belittles you?
What Does It Mean When Your Husband Belittles You?
1. He comes from a dysfunctional family background
Our family background and upbringing influence our choices in life, especially what we do in our families.
Many men grew up in dysfunctional families where women were usually belittled and taken for granted.
It is very difficult to break out of such a mold or pattern.
If your husband belittles you, it may mean that he grew up watching his father do the same to his mother, and because of this, he literally knows no better way to treat his wife.
This is especially true if, in addition to watching his father belittle his mother, he was also encouraged to belittle his sisters and think he was better just because he was a male.
Such kind of wrongful indoctrination in a child is very dangerous because he is being formed into a husband who will belittle his wife gradually.
Am I saying that it is impossible for a man born in such a background to treat his wife better?
No, I am not.
It is possible for a man born and bred in such a dysfunctional family to have a beautiful marriage with a wife he treats rightly.
However, it takes a man to realize the errors in his upbringing and being determined not to continue the despicable practice of his father.
If your husband belittles you, he may have a flawed view of marriage due to his dysfunctional family background.
2. He has anger issues
Everyone gets angry.
We just express it in different ways.
Men who have trouble controlling their tempers usually express their anger irrationally.
Sometimes, I see ladies say things like, ” My boyfriend loves me, but the only issue is his temper.”
My dear, it is a big issue.
A man who can’t control his temper is likely to abuse you physically, emotionally, and verbally.
In a fit of anger, he would say hurtful things to you and then apologize when he is calm.
His apologies don’t mean that it will never happen again.
It just means that he is sorry he lost his temper.
Unfortunately, the hurtful things said will remain with you, significantly affecting your sense of self-worth.
Men who have anger issues may not only belittle their wives with words but also with physical violence.
If you feel like you are walking around your husband like you are tiptoeing on eggshells, it is because you are married to a man who has anger issues and belittles you regularly.
3. He is plagued by low self-esteem
Growing up, my teachers used to call me overconfident because I never second-guessed myself and didn’t hesitate to correct older people when they were wrong.
I just felt confident, and in my defense, I was never wrong when I did those things.
But… maybe I will agree with them.
I was a little overconfident.
Many men are actually plagued by low self-esteem due to their upbringing, the pressure on males to succeed, and their seeming inability to live up to the expectations of society.
A man who has low self-esteem will most likely mistreat his wife whenever he feels like his leadership role in the family is being threatened…
And a man with low self-esteem always feels threatened especially when he is married to a high-flying wife with various achievements.
If your husband has low self-esteem, then you would have noticed that he always wants to be in control, and whenever he isn’t, he attempts to degrade and belittle you just to get you back under his thumb.
He only feels good when he has you under his control.
Controlling you helps him increase his sense of self-worth.
4. He is immature
People make the mistake of measuring readiness for marriage with age.
For the most part, age is just a number, and it doesn’t bestow maturity on individuals.
Marriage shouldn’t be rushed into because it requires a very high level of maturity for it to be successful.
Marriage comes with pleasures and challenges…
You will enjoy the pleasures, but you will need maturity to deal with the challenges.
If your husband belittles you regularly, it could be a sign that he is immature and hasn’t learned how to treat people better.
When I was younger, I used to do certain things that would make my parents angry.
My communication skills left a lot to be desired, and I could be accurately described as rude.
Now, I can confidently say that I retain none of those behaviors.
It didn’t happen overnight, but gradually, over the years, I realized that they were bad behaviors.
If your husband hasn’t realized that belittling his wife is terrible manners, then he still has a lot of growing up to do.
A mature man would never belittle his wife.
5. His religion encourages it
I grew up hearing the phrase “it is a woman’s world,” which is usually used to point out that many things are tailored to women today.
Well, I guess it was a man’s world when most religious beliefs were laid out and carved in stone because many religious and cultural beliefs leave women at the mercy of their husbands.
Women were often thought of as inferior and, as such, should be under the control of their “superior” husbands.
If your husband is a zealous follower of these extreme religions, you shouldn’t expect much more from him.
Some men even misinterpret the Bible and say that it commands women to submit to their husbands regardless of how badly they are treated.
However, the Bible states clearly that husbands should love their wives to the point of giving their lives to save that of their wives.
If your husband belittles you, it may be because he holds warped religious beliefs about the role of women in the family.
6. You let him get away with it
I took a break when I was about to write this point and went on Instagram.
Guess what I saw as I opened the app?
A rant by a 20-year-old girl about her abusive boyfriend who also moonlights as a serial cheater.
The part that caught my attention most was when she said her boyfriend slaps her around even in public, but she is sure he loves her.
That’s the sad thing about being in a relationship with someone who belittles you.
You begin to make excuses for him.
You say things like, “If I had not touched his phone, he wouldn’t have yelled at me,” or “If I could just do what he says, he wouldn’t speak to me so rudely.”…
If you have been belittled several times by your husband and you find yourself making excuses for him, you may just be lacking self-love.
When you don’t love yourself, it’s hard for you to expect other people to love you.
After all, nobody can love you more than you!
If you don’t value yourself enough to refuse to be belittled by your husband, then he will continue to belittle you.
Break loose from his shackles, my dear!
7. You are dependent on him
Being dependent on your husband is not a bad thing…
So, don’t get me wrong.
My point is that your husband belittles you because you are dependent on him, and that gives him power over you.
This doesn’t mean that other husbands don’t treat their wives right because they are dependent on them.
When you are dependent on your husband, especially financially, it gives him authority and control.
Many men misuse this power by belittling their wives every time they get a chance.
They also make every money-related decision for the family without your input.
This is unhealthy for your family and your personal growth.
I always advise that every woman should have something she brings to the table in her marriage so that she isn’t entirely dependent on her husband.
A little bit of independence will help you in correcting your husband’s propensity for belittling you.
8. He doesn’t love you anymore
This is the worst-case scenario that you possibly don’t want to consider.
If your husband belittles you, what does it mean?
Well, it may mean that he doesn’t love you anymore.
Love is expressed by care, kindness, and sacrifices.
Love is not expressed as belittling or downgrading your partner.
Hence, any husband who consistently belittles his wife certainly doesn’t love her.
A man who loves you won’t intentionally belittle you.
Ultimately, if you have explored every other reason and you can’t explain why your husband belittles you, you will need to consider the fact that he doesn’t love you.
It’s brutal, but coming to that realization quickly will save you a whole lot of heartache.
I am sure you are wondering what to do to stop your husband from belittling you.
Communicate with him…
He may not even realize what he is doing.
Some men have gotten so comfortable with dysfunctional behaviors that they don’t know what they are doing is wrong.
Express yourself calmly and hope that he changes…
For his sake, of course.
Then, you need to practice self-awareness and learn to love yourself.
Tell yourself you are beautiful and confident every single day.
You will need a healthy dose of self-love to stop your husband from belittling you.
You need to stand up to him.
Look him in the eyes and tell him it is wrong to talk to you that way.
Like most schoolyard bullies, he is not used to people defending themselves.
Set clear boundaries for communication and also work on gaining independence from him.
And before I end this article, I have a “love” note for husbands who belittle their wives.
A Note To Men Who Belittle Their Wives
I am sure you think you are doing the right thing, and your wife needs to be under your control at all times.
I understand that, for some weird reason, you get so much joy and validation from hurting your wives.
What I don’t understand is how you can’t see yourself for what you are.
Behind all the blustering is a little boy who desperately wants to be loved but doesn’t know how to make people love him.
You want to be needed at all times, and when you are not needed, you get all nasty until you have them back under your thumbs.
My advice for you is…
Stop and take a deep dive inward to introspect honestly.
If you do this correctly, I am sure you won’t like what you see.
Now that you realize that you need help, seek it.
Get a therapist, show determination to get better, and, of course, never forget to appreciate your wife for taking all the terrible things you dished out to her.
Change!!!