The tons of sad anonymous stories I read from married women on social media platforms often send shivers down my spine.
I cannot but wonder why some women are being mistreated by their husbands, who are expected to be their foremost protectors.
Mistreatment ranges from serial infidelity, sheer disregard, verbal abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, manipulations, restriction of freedom, excessive control, severance from loved ones, sexual starvation, and lots more.
We do not only read these stories online.
We also see such happening around us.
These women often sound sad and helpless at the hands of their husbands.
This begs the question, “Why do some men treat their wives badly?”
8 Eye-opening Reasons Why Husbands Treat Their Wives Badly
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Dysfunctional upbringing
This is the foremost reason that comes to mind.
Our upbringing and childhood experiences strongly influence how we turn out as grown-ups.
Some men were raised in dysfunctional families where women were mostly disregarded.
If a man comes from a home where he was made to believe that by virtue of possessing a male reproductive organ, he is of the better gender, he is prone to disrespecting women when he comes of age.
If his father treated him better than his female siblings, he is likely to think of himself as more valuable than women.
If his father had never treated his mother right, chances are that he would not know how to do otherwise.
It takes a man who dares to be different to relearn and unlearn the despicable practices he was exposed to as a child.
Men like these often seem unfair in relating to their wives.
After all, to them, women were created to serve them.
He, therefore, has a flawed orientation about marriage.
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He has low self-esteem.
A man whose self-esteem is not intact is likely to misuse the leadership role bestowed on him.
Excessive control and abuse of power are traits of people suffering from low self-esteem.
They only feel good about themselves by seeing their wives always at their beck and call, even at the expense of their well-being.
Such men are insecure and, as such, cover up their insecurity with aggression.
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He has anger issues.
Men with anger issues are prone to irrational behaviours in their feat of anger.
A husband who is incapable of controlling his anger will likely physically, emotionally or verbally abuse his wife.
They typically say hurtful words to their wives while angry and come back apologising when they are sober.
Unfortunately, words already spoken cannot be retracted, and the impact on the wives cannot be taken away.
Men with anger issues do not often control their emotions and even get violent with their wives.
Wives of men with short fuses like this often lose their confidence and walk on eggshells around their husbands.
This lack of confidence unavoidably extends to other aspects of their lives.
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The woman allows him to
This may sound like victim-blaming but hear me out, please.
A woman lacking self-love is likely to suffer mistreatment in marriage.
No one can love you better than you love yourself.
The holy scriptures enjoin us to love others as ourselves.
This clearly means that it is important to love ourselves first.
A woman needs to be self-aware and value herself so that she is not treated any less by anybody, not even her husband.
The power to break free from ill-treatment lies in her hands.
The beginning of the journey to her freedom is the day she stops wallowing in self-pity and decides that she deserves better.
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The woman is financially dependent on him.
Being totally financially dependent on a man may also be one of the causes of the mistreatment of women in marriages.
He who pays the piper dictates the tune.
Whosoever is in charge of the money has a level of power and authority, and the dependant may have no say in matters involving money.
This will therefore cause a feeling of insignificance in the woman.
If, as a woman, every money-related move you have to make is subject to your husband’s funding, you may gradually begin to lose grip of the control over your life and yield it to your husband.
This is certainly unhealthy for your growth.
Moreover, there comes a feeling of indebtedness towards him which may make you find it difficult to speak up against ill-treatment.
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He does not love her.
Love is selfless, caring, sacrificial and kind.
None of the attributes of love condones ill-treatment.
Therefore, a man who treats his wife in an awful manner certainly does not love her.
These days, people marry for several other reasons asides from love, and when there is no love in a union, cohabiting peacefully becomes a miracle.
For instance, a man who marries a woman solely for procreation will likely consider her a mere baby-making machine.
More so, if the woman cannot conceive, for one reason or the other, she is likely to be termed useless and worthless.
Such a man will blame her for not having children and most likely refuse to be supportive in such a situation.
A loveless marriage is one of the most typical causes of the ill-treatment of women by men.
7. He is immature
Marriage requires a great level of maturity on the part of both spouses.
It is important to be able to handle the pressures that may come one’s way with a good level of maturity and emotional intelligence.
Maturity requires knowing when to overlook and let go of offences, how to treat women and having a good sense of chivalry.
It requires knowing how to avoid transfer of aggression and staying calm in the face of challenges incited by his wife or from an external party.
Marriage is not for boys!
A mature man will undoubtedly know better than to maltreat his wife.
8. He is a religious extremist
Sadly, some extreme religious and cultural beliefs do not favour the well-being of women.
Women are regarded as inferior and are often treated as such.
A man who is an ardent follower of such religions and cultures is not likely to know any better.
He expects his wife to serve and remain loyal to him, even as she is being abused.
These beliefs typically deprive women of their freedom of choice, speech and movement.
Such beliefs command that women are to be seen and not heard.
They preach and uphold subjugation in the guise of submission.
Their marriages can be likened to a military zone as they are expected to do as their husband says, even if it is to their detriment.
LAST THOUGHTS
No one deserves to be treated lesser than any other human in the name of marriage.
Many women are losing themselves in their marriages and are now a shadow of themselves.
Marriage with a selfless and loving partner is bliss.
Even when storms come along, together, they will fight and win.
As a woman married to a man who exhibits these distasteful attitudes, it is important to note that you cannot change him.
The power to change lies in his hands.
He has to be willing to change.
You, therefore, need to ask yourself some questions and weigh your options to decide if staying married to him is worth it.
You will either learn how to cope and look out for yourself to develop a thick skin to his ill-treatments or choose to take the exit door.