It is quite easy for married couples to grow apart years down the line if they do not exert some intentional efforts to remain in love.
Some couples live together as husband and wife, but they have fallen out of love with each other.
They only live together as dads and moms and no more as husband and wife; the romantic feelings have faded away.
If, as a woman, you take a long look at your husband and sadly realise that you no longer have feelings for him, the things that used to tickle your fancy in the past no longer mean much to you, this article is for you.
Let’s discuss the likely reasons behind your current predicament.
10 Reasons You Have No Feelings For Your Husband
1. You stopped dating each other.
Marriage does not need to put an end to dating.
The things you did with each other while dating should not stop because you got married.
It is important that you both always make efforts to spend time alone with each other, away from the kids and other family members.
Attend couples’ hangouts together.
You still need to go out on dates and enjoy yourselves together as the lovebirds that you were.
True that this will not come as effortlessly as it did pre-marriage days, and this is where intentionality comes in.
Dealing with work and family responsibilities could shield your eyes from noticing the things you loved about each other, such that you no longer fantasize about each other as before.
2. You criticise more than you commend each other
It’s easy to fall into the trap of constant criticisms in marriage.
One of the valuable lessons we learnt during our pre-marriage counselling sessions was to endeavour to focus on each other’s positive sides.
If you constantly give more attention to what your husband is not doing right or doing your way, you will unwittingly tamper with your feelings for him.
When you need to correct each other, do so in love and avoid always pointing accusing fingers.
You are a team and should always act as one. If you constantly police each other, you will sooner or later get wary and weary of each other.
Frequently tell each other what you love about each other so that when you mention what one person is not doing right, they do not feel like you are implying they are a bad partner.
3. You made your children your new love
When children enter a marriage, it is often a different ball game altogether.
They require a lot of attention and time.
It is, therefore, easy for partners to forget their obligations towards each other as a couple while they focus on the children.
Women are more often guilty of this.
They are more prone to neglect their husbands when they begin to have kids.
However, this happens mostly when the husband is not hands-on in caring for the children.
Parent together and go through the experience together.
This way, you both know what is involved and clearly tell when you can afford to take some time off together.
Neither of you will feel left out.
Also, appreciate and embrace help from trusted people when it comes your way.
4. You live apart for too long
Long-distance marriage is one other cause of the depletion of affection in marriages.
If work has to put you both apart for too long, it is likely to have an adverse effect on your marriage.
The ideal intent of marriage was never to live apart, so if this happens because of socio-economic demands that obtain these days, you both should strive to keep it as short as possible.
Living apart may open you up to too many temptations, making you think less of your partner as the days prolong.
5. You compare your partner to other people
Comparison is a thief of joy.
When you are fond of looking at other men to find out what they possess and where your husband is lacking, you will deprive yourself of the sweet feelings you should have for your husband.
You need to constantly remind yourself that your husband has his own unique qualities.
You could be shocked to discover that there are other qualities that your husband has that the other person’s partner probably wishes her husband had too.
Contentment will make you cherish what you have as a blessing and stop wishing you could get better.
If your husband observes that you think of him in this light, he could begin to nurture offences that will inevitably culminate into frequent fights.
So tell me, how wouldn’t your feelings for each other be thus affected?
6. Your husband abuses you
People say there is a thin line between love and hate.
If you used to love someone, but they began to abuse you, there is no way the initial romantic feelings for him will be sustained.
You will probably gaze at him and wonder why you fell in love with him in the first place.
You gradually also begin to withdraw the affection you used to have for him.
7. He cheats on you
You fell in love with him because he made you feel like you are the best thing that has happened and will ever happen to him.
He promised to spend the rest of his life with you alone.
Alas, it was all lies. He now cheats on you.
He now makes you feel inadequate for him.
He now lies to you without batting a lid.
This could be why you no longer feel anything good for him.
If anything, you probably now resent him.
8. He is not who you thought he was
If you discover that your feelings for him were founded on lies, they will most likely not remain the same.
In marriage, you now make a lot of shocking discoveries about your husband.
You now realise that you have been taken for a fool and that his reality is a far cry from what he portrayed himself to be. The feelings you have for him will fizzle out in no time.
Core factors such as his job, family background, health status, qualifications, etc., are all lies, so it will not be surprising if you no longer adore him as you used to.
If feelings must be retained, partners must stay true to each other.
Deception is a very potent romance killer.
9. He doesn’t defend you
Women generally love the idea of a knight in shining armour.
Who doesn’t want their husband to have their backs always?
However, love can gradually wane when the husband shrinks from this and doesn’t defend his wife.
If his family are constantly unkind to you and he doesn’t defend you, you might find that you no longer feel the same about him.
10. He does not help you out around the house
House chores can be very overwhelming.
If your husband considers this your sole duty and makes you feel like a servant in your own house, your feelings for him may suffer.
He creates the mess and expects you to always clean up after him.
You may start to wonder what sort of a man claims to love his wife yet watches her losing herself in a pile of chores.
This will most likely get to you if you are someone like me whose foremost love language is acts of service.
When you need help, and he seems oblivious, please communicate.
LAST THOUGHTS
It is good that you have observed that you no longer have feelings for your husband, which bothers you.
Being unbothered in a situation like this could open the marriage to trials and temptations.
Therefore, it is high time you did something to reignite the spark.
Reminisce on old times and find a way to bring them to the fore.
Search your core and focus on the positive things you love about your partner.
You may find out that he is not the problem and that you both jointly need to face the problem and fight for your love as it was in the beginning.
Seeking professional help is also an option that could be explored.
Lastly, the best way to communicate to your husband that you desire a change is to start doing the things even you ceased doing.
If you want more, communicate by giving more.
If the marriage still means anything to him, he will get the message and possibly start reciprocating.
You could start by giving him a massage like you used to do in those days.
Give him a treat you haven’t given him in a long while.
Hopefully, he will also start to miss the good old days, and the feelings will be restored.