You Love Him But He Doesn’t Love You Back

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Falling in love with someone is such a beautiful experience because love is one of the amazing gifts of life.

However, love is much more beautiful when the feeling is mutual.

Nothing is as emotionally draining and frustrating as loving someone who doesn’t love you in return.

Unrequited love.

It hurts. So much.

Sometimes you wonder how and why anyone would love someone who doesn’t love them in return.

Unrequited love is not romantic.

It is not a sign that you love harder than other people or feel things more intensely. 

In short, it is not a virtue!

It is just pain. Avoidable, self-inflicted pain that you have been dressing up in the language of devotion.

You Are Not In Love With Them. You Are In Love With the Idea of Them.

Here is the question nobody asks when they are stuck loving someone who does not love them back: What exactly are you in love with?

Not in theory, specifically.

Because nine times out of ten, when you really sit with that question honestly, the answer is not who they are.

It is who you have decided they could be.

Maybe it is their face or the version of them that exists in your head that has never shown up in real life.

Real love, the kind worth having, is not just a feeling you have about someone. It is something that grows in the space between two people who are both choosing each other.

When only one person is choosing, that is not love.

That is a one-woman show, and you have been performing to an empty audience for too long.

You Keep Going Back Because of How They Make You Feel, Not How They Treat You

 

There is a difference between how someone makes you feel and how someone treats you, and most women who are stuck in unrequited love have confused the two.

How they make you feel is the butterflies, that particular madness that makes you check your phone every four minutes, hoping their name appears.

How they treat you: Like an option. 

I learned something in a Psychology class years ago that I have never forgotten — our feelings follow our thoughts.

Which means the butterflies are not evidence that this person is right for you.

They are evidence of what you have been thinking about obsessively.

Feed any thought long enough, and your emotions will show up to confirm it.

This is why I have always said: fall in love with the way someone treats you. Not their face or what they have. 

Because a woman who falls in love with how she is treated will never waste herself on someone who cannot show up for her.

She will love herself too much to accept less.

You Have More Power Over This Than You Think

I know you have heard it before.

“You can’t help who you love.”

And I am here to respectfully but firmly tell you that is one of the most convenient lies we tell ourselves to avoid doing the hard work of letting go.

You are not a leaf in the wind.

You are a woman with a functioning mind and the ability to make deliberate choices about where you direct your energy.

The feelings did not arrive without your participation.

You fed them and entertained the thoughts, which means you also have the power to close it.

Not all at once or without grief.

Letting go of someone you love, even someone who does not love you back, is painful, and I will not pretend otherwise.

But pain that is moving toward something better is different from pain that is just standing still.

Start by changing what you tell yourself about them.

Stop rehearsing the fantasy and start being honest about reality.

Feelings follow thoughts, so change the thoughts and the feelings will follow.

Slowly, then all at once.

Self-Love Is Not a Hashtag. It Is a Decision.

 

If you truly loved yourself, you would not be pouring yourself into someone who has not asked for it.

A woman who knows her worth does not chase people who are running in the other direction.

She does not leave her heart unattended in someone else’s hands while they decide whether they feel like holding it.

I do not open the gate of my heart to someone who has not knocked on it. And I do not keep it open for someone who knocked once, looked inside, and walked away.

That is self-respect.

Your love is not a charity. It is not something to be distributed generously to whoever catches your eye and makes your stomach flutter.

It is something precious that belongs with someone who recognizes its value and chooses it deliberately without confusion.

 

Unrequited love will tell you that the problem is you.

That if you were different, they would finally see you.

That is a lie.

The problem is not you. The problem is the match, and no amount of waiting or loving harder will turn an incompatible person into the right one.

Let them go, because you love yourself more, not because you do not love them. 

Somewhere out there is a person who will not need to be convinced to choose you.

They will choose you without you having to ask.

Wait for that. 

 

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