Physical intimacy is an important aspect of marriage and it should be treated as such.
Conversations with married couples around the subject of intimacy—both physical and emotional, show that a lot of married people are not enjoying the intimacy that comes from getting it on.
As a matter of fact, a lot of marriages are fast becoming sexless, and many people are trapped in a sexless marriage.
Can a marriage work without a couple getting it on frequently?
Well, some couples have claimed that their marriage remains strong despite the absence of physical intimacy.
However, according to Robert Stenberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, love has three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment.
A sexless marriage is lacking in passion, and a couple in a marriage like this are likely to act like friends or brother and sister more than a couple.
If care is not taken, a couple may find themselves in a marriage lacking in passion and this can be caused by the following:
1. Not Prioritizing It
Whether you like it or not, activities behind closed doors for every couple is a big deal.
If you don’t make out time to put it on top of the list as an important part of your marriage, you’ll not see the need for it as a major part of your union.
In the midst of so many things—career pursuits, homemaking, raising kids etc., it’s easy for physical intimacy to take a back seat in a marriage.
If you don’t want your marriage to end up in the pit of a sexless marriage, you and your spouse have to be intentional about activities in the bedroom.
There will always be other things to do, so there may never be a perfect time to warm each other’s body.
Being intentional about this aspect of your marriage will help you prioritize it.
Remember, you only have time for what you make time for.
This doesn’t mean your life should revolve around getting busy between the sheets. I’m just saying rate it as high as you rate the basic things in your marriage.
S*x in marriage is a communication between the souls of lovers.
Life is too short to not be passionate about each other.
2. Not Touching Enough
S*x is not an activity to be done to fulfil all righteousness.
Even though I said to be intentional about it, it doesn’t mean it should be forced, drab, and soulless.
One of the ways to ensure s*x doesn’t become monotonous is to make touching each other a habit even when you are not looking to hit the sheets.
This makes getting it on natural, exciting, and something to look forward to, especially for the woman.
It’s easier to get in the mood when some touching has been going on during the day.
There’s a popular saying that ”s*x begins in the kitchen.”
It doesn’t mean the kitchen per se but that s’x does not start from the bedroom. It starts way before the act itself.
Let it not be that the only time you touch your spouse is when you want to copulate.
If you and your spouse are unable to touch each other due to distance, you can share romantic texts.
You have no idea how much this can get you both in the mood and make you look forward to doing the do.
You just have to establish physical intimacy as this sets the mood and atmosphere before the action.
Don’t ever rule out the place of physical touch.
3. Not Talking About It
Don’t assume your partner should know when you want to get intimate or for him or her to know your preference.
Talk about what you’ll like to try out in the bedroom and what you’ll like to modify.
Discuss the options on how to spice things up.
Talking about it will even help you get rid of the awkwardness and help you get more comfortable around each other.
4. Not Being Flexible
The purpose of establishing sexual communication in your marriage is to help you know and understand each other better.
Be open to options on how you both can enjoy it better.
Don’t be frigid or rigid.
Don’t insist on doing things your way every time. Be open to trying new things—new different positions, styles, locations and surfaces.
Doing the same thing the same way every time could make it boring and make a partner or couple lose interest in s*x.
Be open to options that will not amount to you pushing beyond your hard limits.
5. Ignoring Your Partner’s Complaints, Concerns or Suggestions
When your partner makes known certain concerns about what makes them uncomfortable, or what they don’t enjoy and suggestions on what they’d love.
You don’t sweep it under the carpet, ignore them, get defensive or take things personally.
Whatever your spouse shares with you is as important and valid as you can think.
What you should do instead is think of how to make adjustments and consider their suggestions so you can both satisfy each other.
6. Making It Transactional
S*x is not a currency you should trade for anything in your marriage.
You’re not doing it for business purpose or to get your spouse to do something for you.
It is strictly for the pleasure and bonding of you two.
When you make it transactional, you put a burden or pressure on your partner and it takes the intimacy out of it.
If you’re doing this, you won’t enjoy s*x in your marriage because you’ve made it a legal tender.
This can lead your marriage down the road of sexlessness.
7. Not Complimenting Your Partner
There’s a level of intimacy and confidence complimenting your partner unlocks.
That kind that shows them you approve of their physical features and you find them attractive.
It’s not enough to appreciate certain qualities of your partner and keep them to yourself.
Tell them how gorgeous they look.
How amazing their lips feel.
How perfect they are for you.
Magnifying their goodness and limiting their flaws will also make them more appealing to you.
Try to make this habitual and see the bond and attraction grow.
Also, complimenting your spouse after a steamy romantic session together fuels their confidence and makes them want to get down more with you.
8. Not Scheduling It If Necessary
If like me, you have active toddlers around the house, you may sometimes have to schedule your intimate time with your spouse.
It’s not like booking a doctor’s appointment or seeing a consular.
It’s not that awkward. No.
This is you being realistic with the fact that s*x in your marriage is important and you prioritize your spouse’s needs as well as yours.
If you don’t schedule or plan especially with kids around, you’ll only realize that you’ll go long without any form of intimacy which is not good for the marriage.
While the frequency of s*x needed to maintain a happy marriage differs from couple to couple, all I know is that, the more good s*x you have, the more good s*x you’d want to have.
Create time to get intimate with your spouse.
This is also very essential when there are a lot of distractions around.
Creating time will help with avoiding interruptions or distractions during your intimate times.
Maintaining a healthy s*x life in marriage is hard work.
However, if you put in the work, your marriage will be far from the trap of sexlessness.
Monday 1st of November 2021
Sexless marriage, how do I move on to compensate for this?