It is not a coincidence that some couples have a great sex life while others are struggling in the bedroom.
It might seem that the former just stumbled upon it or that they were lucky to have found someone they are sexually compatible with.
But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Couples who have a great sex life share a life of intimacy, and it translates to what happens in the bedroom.
These people relate differently from others; they have formed habits that have a positive impact on their s*x life.
So, let us look at the habits of couples with a great sex life to see what they are doing differently.
They Touch Constantly
Many couples believe that touch should be reserved for when they want to get intimate.
So, they only touch their partner to indicate their mood for sex.
However, if you want to have a great sex life, you should know that touch should not be limited to when sex is involved.
Couples who are in tune with each other cannot keep their hands off each other any time they are around each other.
They hold hands, give light touches and cuddle even when they don’t plan on having sex; it is their default setting.
It’s easier to get in the mood, especially for the woman, when some touching has been established before the act.
This makes sex natural, exciting, and something to look forward to.
Don’t ignore your partner throughout the day and act like they are invisible to you, only to remember they exist when you want sex.
This doesn’t mean you should touch your partner 24/7 because that is not even possible.
All I’m saying is not to let touching be so scarce in your marriage or be restricted to when you want to have sex.
You have to be intentional about touching each other.
Just because you are married doesn’t mean touching each other will be automatic, and if touch is lacking in your marriage, your relationship will merely be platonic.
The amount of physical touch in marriage tends to decline as the years pass; thus, a couple must intentionally establish, maintain, and increase physical touch in their marriage.
Aside from the fact that romantic touch helps keep the passion alive in a marriage, it also makes a couple feel connected, loved, safe, cared for, wanted, desired, and less stressed.
Sometimes, after a stressful day, all I need to feel better is a big hug from my husband.
While I appreciate it when he is sensitive enough to know I need a hug, I don’t expect him always to read my mind to know what I need.
So, I ask.
“Give me a foot rub.”
2. They Communicate Honestly
One of the reasons people don’t have great sex is the lack of honest communication.
There is a difference between communicating and communicating honestly about sex.
Sexual communication is the degree to which you can express your preferences when it comes to sex.
A lot of couples find it easier to have sex than talk about it.
Studies have shown that women don’t reach orgasm as easily as men.
This is known as the ‘orgasm gap.’
When this happens, some women do not verbalize their concerns, or they fake an orgasm for various reasons.
Although both men and women fake orgasm, studies show that women do it more.
Sure, many men are sensitive about not satisfying their women because it is a matter of ego for them that they are good in bed.
But if it is not happening, there is always a way to communicate politely and respectfully.
Couples who enjoy their sex life don’t hide their wants and desire in the bedroom.
They communicate their expectations politely and adjust accordingly.
If you are not sure what to talk about regarding sex, the list below will guide you.
- How you like it
- How you don’t like it
- How often you want it
- Things you want to try
- When you want it
- A location you’d like to have it etc.
3. They Keep Learning
Couples who have great sex are constantly learning more about how to about please each other.
They do not feel, at any time, that they are know all they need to know about pleasing their partner.
They are not just interested in learning all they need to about sex, they actively seek out the learning by listening to or reading books from sex therapists and sex counselors.
If you are interested in learning how to enjoy s*x more, the following highly-rated resources will surely be of help:
4. They Are Flexible
There is no normal way to have sex per se; what we have are individual preferences.
Sure, there are healthy and unhealthy ways to have sex but there are no clear-cut rules to it.
And sometimes, people experience changes in their sexual desires for diverse reasons.
The main thing is that couples should always be ready to be flexible and accommodate the changes as they come.
Sure, you shouldn’t put your life at risk if your partner is suggesting something unhealthy and that is where honest communication comes in.
What you should take from this is that to enjoy great sex, you cannot afford to be rigid.
5. They Experiment
Similar to the point above, couples who enjoy their sex life are always open to experimenting.
They are not up for the monotonous sex life.
They are always thinking of ways to spice things up and make things better.
They try different styles, positions, and make sure they have fun.
Also, if you and your partner are in agreement, you can experiment by incorporating toys in the bedroom.
There are various toys for men and women to help make sex more fun in your marriage.
6. They Are Not Selfish
Couples who care about their partner’s satisfaction enjoy better sex than those who are only thinking of themselves.
Here’s how it works; if both of them are trying to satisfy each other, then both of them leave satisfied.
But if one person is focused on themselves, the other is left unsatisfied and uninspired to care about the sex.
7. They Avoid Porn
Porn sets an unrealistic expectation on sex and puts unfounded pressure on one’s partner to keep up with what they see in their content.
Porn stars are actors and most of what’s shown are not real or realistic for everyday romance, so it is important to avoid porn if you want to enjoy sex.
Rather, learn from your body to know what works for you and learn that of your partner to learn what works for them.
I understand that as a married couple, you have the liberty to do whatever you both agree to do.
So you can decide to watch porn together to learn a thing or two.
While this is understandable, too much of it might lead to some consequences you never anticipated and lead your marriage down a slippery slope.
What if you can watch porn and not get addicted to it, but your partner watches it and gets hooked?
Many studies have confirmed the many negative impacts of pornography on marriages. According to a study conducted by Dr. Jill Manny in 2004, ”56 percent of divorce cases involved one party having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.”
The use of pornography by a partner in a marriage can lead to addiction, reduce emotional and sexual intimacy, create unrealistic expectations, feelings of shame and guilt, low self-esteem in the other partner, and much more.
We can rationalize our pornography use, even in marriage, but pornography will destroy our marriages more than it can ever do them good.
Porn tends to make real sex with real partners less interesting.
Excessive porn use tends to desensitize you to real sex, thereby making you do extreme things to get aroused.
If you want to have good sex in your marriage, stay away from pornography!
Perhaps you could watch romantic or erotic movies you can both handle together.
8. They Give Each Other Attention
These couples pay attention to each other outside and inside the bedroom.
During sex, they are not uninterested in what is happening but they are active and involved.
And outside the bedroom, they pay each other attention.
Their intimacy is not solely physical; it is emotional as well.
9. They Keep Reading Each Other
Knowing and understanding your partner is a major part of having a wonderful sex life.
So, couples who want to enjoy sex must keep reading each other.
And as mentioned earlier, sexual desires change for diverse reasons.
While they might know a lot about what works for their partner; they don’t stop there.
They keep reading and learning from their partner.
10. They Treat Each Other Well
A lot of people expect sex to make up for what happens outside the bedroom.
While some people see sex as solely physical and something to take the edge off, for many others, it is beyond that.
They cannot tune off whatever is happening outside of the bedroom when they are in the bedroom.
So, if you want to enjoy sex with your partner, it is imperative that you treat each other well.
As far as it is a relationship, don’t act like all you have going with each other is sex.
Genuinely care about knowing your partner and making them happy and it will automatically translate into the bedroom.
6 Reasons Why You Should Have S*x in the Morning
5 Mistakes Couples Make After S*x
9 Reasons Why S*x in Your Marriage is Boring
Sunday 12th of February 2023
I like how there's a WHOLE section for not watching porn. How embarrassing. LOL
Sunday 12th of February 2023
It's an article, of opinions. You can either take it or leave it, dear.
Monday 8th of March 2021
Your writings are really good...
Monday 8th of March 2021
Thank you, Shanthi!