What Happens to Your Marriage When You Start Being Intimate in the Morning

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During your honeymoon, you and your husband are kissing in the kitchen for no reason.

Years later, you’re arguing about who forgot to defrost the chicken while one child is crying because the other child looked at them “disrespectfully.”

Romance after kids is not impossible, but it requires intention because adulting, especially with kids, is exhausting! 

My husband and I both work, and even though I work from home sometimes, I don’t know who started the rumor that working from home is relaxing.

Sometimes I’m answering emails while somebody is shouting “Mummyyyyy!” from the toilet like it’s an emergency press conference.

By nighttime, we are finished.

Like, completely finished.

After dinner, baths, school prep, tidying up, and finally putting the kids to sleep after seventeen unnecessary bedtime negotiations, we usually enter the bedroom looking like survivors of a natural disaster.

At that point, physical intimacy is less about romance and more like another responsibility on the to-do list.

And that’s not good for a marriage because if couples are not careful, they’ll become co-managers of a stressful household instead of lovers.

That’s when you start hearing things like, “We’ll do it this weekend.” “Maybe tomorrow.”

Meanwhile, tomorrow has been coming for six months.

Then I realized that if we keep waiting for the perfect time to be intimate, we will grow old waiting.

Because nighttime is honestly a scam for parents.

Everybody talks about nighttime romance like children don’t suddenly remember they need water and a detailed explanation of life at exactly 11 PM.

So we started trying morning intimacy instead.

And it changed a lot for us.

What Happens to Your Marriage When You Start Being Intimate in the Morning

1. You remember you like each other

Lots of newlyweds are shocked that marriage is hard.

Because nobody prepares you for it.

The wedding industry spends billions making sure you’re focused on the dress, the venue, the cake, and the first dance. 

So you get married expecting the love to carry everything, and then real life happens: bills, money fights, disagreements about parenting…

You become two people who love each other, but spend the majority of their time together being tired and slightly irritated.

And in the middle of all of that, you forget you like each other.

Morning intimacy gives you that back, not permanently, but for a moment before the children wake up and the day starts, and everyone needs something.

It’s just the two of you, Warm and close, and you remember, oh, I really like this person.

 

2. You’re Rested, So It Doesn’t Feel Like Manual Labor

Is there anything more pleasurable than sex?

Hmm.

Let me think.

No. There really isn’t.

And yet married couples are consistently attempting it at the worst possible time: 10 pm, after a full day of work, parenting, cooking, cleaning, and absorbing the general punishment of adult life, and then wondering why it feels like another item on the to-do list.

Because you are tired! That’s why.

Even though physical intimacy is one of life’s greatest pleasures, it still requires energy. 

The kind that has been completely depleted by the time most married couples are finally horizontal, and the house is quiet.

Morning you is a completely different person.

Morning you has slept and has enthusiasm for the person lying right next to you.

 

3. It Changes The Atmosphere Between You All Day

Have you noticed that you’re more tolerant with your spouse when things are good between you?

Like when you’ve had a good morning together before the day stole you both, the small things that would normally irritate you just don’t land the same way.

That’s not a coincidence.

That’s the atmosphere between you doing its job.

The energy you create together in the morning follows both of you separately into the day.

He goes to work carrying it. You go to your desk carrying it.

And when you come back together in the evening, depleted, the day having taken its usual pound of flesh, you are returning to each other rather than colliding with each other.

There’s a warmth already there.

Compare that to the mornings when you left the house already pissed because no one is getting any. 

 

4. It Helps Protect Your Marriage From Sexlessness

If you think sexlessness only happens in old marriages, like people who have been married for so long that physical intimacy has quietly retired along with their knees, think again.

Sexlessness is not an age thing.

It is a we-keep-meaning-to-but-somehow-never-do thing.

And it creeps into marriages far younger and far more in love than you would expect.

I have received messages from women in their thirties, married five or six years, who cannot remember the last time they were intimate with their husbands.

And the longer it goes, the more awkward it becomes to restart.

This is how marriages that started with passion end up running on logistics because nobody was intentional, not because anyone stopped loving anyone.

Lovemaking in the morning before the day has a chance to exhaust you out of it is proof that your marriage matters and you are protecting it on purpose.

Not waiting for the perfect evening that never arrives or weekends that fill up with everything else.

 

5. It Reminds You That Your Spouse Is More Than Just a Co-Parent

 

Sometimes parenting consumes marriage so completely that you stop seeing each other romantically.

Some couples cannot have a conversation that doesn’t eventually circle back to the children.

Their whole marriage has become a parenting meeting that never adjourns.

Good parents sacrifice; that’s the job. Nobody is disputing that.

But a marriage that exists entirely in service of the children is a marriage that has forgotten itself and cannot give the children what they need most, which is two parents who like each other.

During morning intimacy, you are not Mummy and Daddy.

You are just you two.

Remind each other of that before the children wake up and the day turns you back into their parents.

 

6. It Makes Temptation Less Powerful

People cheat for different reasons.

Some people cheat despite having a great sex life at home and a spouse who is doing everything right.

They cheat because of character issues that have nothing to do with what they’re getting or not getting at home.

So I am not about to tell you that morning sex is a cheat-proof forcefield around your marriage.

It isn’t, but sexual dissatisfaction makes you vulnerable to temptation.

Not the only reason, but a huge one.

A spouse who is sex-starved is carrying a hunger that the wrong person will eventually notice.

And the wrong person is always paying attention.

So, morning sex is not about fear or keeping tabs on your spouse, but feeding your marriage so consistently that there is no hunger for anything outside it.

 

This is not a post telling you that you must have sex every morning or your marriage is failing.

If you have a life that starts at full volume the moment your eyes open, I understand.

I live that life.

Some mornings, the most intimate thing happening is passing each other in the kitchen, and one of you grunting in the direction of the coffee.

That’s marriage with children in this economy.

But this post is about intentionality.

Because the marriages that stay passionate after children, bills, and the general exhaustion of building a life together are never the ones that got lucky.

They are the ones where two people kept choosing each other on purpose in small ways, even when life made it inconvenient.

Morning sex is one of those small ways.

 

 

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