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Have you heard people say that marital sex is boring?

That being intimate with one person eventually loses its spark?

If that were always true, then every married person would be running wild outside their home.

But that’s not the case.

Some couples still look forward to being together, still laugh, still touch, still enjoy intimacy.

I’ve been married for a decade, and I enjoy physical intimacy more now than when I was newly married. 

So the real question is: why do some couples no longer enjoy physical intimacy while others still thrive?

Physical intimacy won’t always be fun.

Life happens.

But when dull, distant, boring, and non-existent become the norm, something is wrong.

Let’s talk about the biggest reasons many couples stop enjoying intimacy, and how to avoid falling into that trap.

12 Reasons Most Couples No Longer Enjoy Physical Intimacy

#1 The chase has ended

There’s a motivation that comes from the desire to own something, but when you eventually have it and can get it anytime, you lose the thrill of looking forward to it.

This is the same for some married couples.

While dating, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other, especially for those who practiced abstinence.

They think that once they are married, the spark and excitement will last forever.

But when they are married and have unlimited access to each other, they are not as enthusiastic about it anymore.

Have you observed that you tend to feel hungrier when you don’t have enough food at home?

But when you have everything that your mouth can eat, your appetite starts to play hide and seek with you.

As couples get comfortable in their relationships, they tend to let down their guard and stop doing the little things they did in the beginning to make their partner feel special.

This is probably the reason some couples don’t enjoy doing the do anymore.

It’s important that married couples shouldn’t stop dating.

Marriage shouldn’t be an end.

It shouldn’t be the goal.

Your spouse should be the goal.

Don’t just be interested in getting married, be interested in your spouse.

#2 Marital responsibilities

 

Marriage is laden with responsibilities to be fulfilled—bills to pay, career to pursue, personal goals to achieve, etc.

All these can deal a great blow to a couple’s sex life. 

Some people work longer hours so the family can stay afloat.

When they get home, they’re too tired for any business in between the sheets.

Couples need to create time for physical intimacy.

You only have time for what you create time for.

Meanwhile, these highly-rated Cordless Rechargeable Personal Massager and Sensual Massage Oil are a lifesaver for couples who are stressed and need some relief from back pain. 

You can use it on each other and help each other destress.

#3 Children

 

Oh, children are a blessing.

I have two, and I love them more than life itself. 

But children can be a major factor in the deterioration of intimacy in marriage.

Some couples are not prepared for how much having children can impact their lives, and they suffer because of it.

Marital intimacy, like all human relationships, is a process that evolves.

It is rarely static, but rather dynamic.

Intimacy does not always go forward; it sometimes goes backward as well, especially for couples with children.

Couples who have children often find the demands of parenting overwhelming, and the intense focus on the children leads to a lack of focus on each other.

This is particularly acute when there are young children in the home who require constant attention and care.

The demands of work, school, and “life” also contribute to the lack of focus couples place on one another.

The lack of focus takes its toll over time, and intimacy suffers because of it.

But some couples still try to have some quickies here and there, and that’s great!

But then, your marriage cannot survive on quickies!

#4 It has become a chore

 

Couples who have been together for many years may feel bored with each other and their relationship. 

While it’s the duty of a couple to fulfill the intimacy needs of each other, making it a chore could take the fun out of it.

Physical intimacy is to be enjoyed.

Have fun and laugh while at it.

It will be a chore sometimes, but this shouldn’t be the norm.

Trying new activities, going on dates, and taking vacations are ways to break out of a rut and revive marital intimacy.

 

#5 Mismatched libido

In a marriage where one spouse has a high libido and the other has a low libido, being intimate could be frustrating.

No, the man isn’t necessarily the one with the high libido here.

It could be the wife.

The belief that men want physical intimacy more than women is doing a lot of damage to many marriages, especially when the woman has a high libido.

It’s tough already knowing that society expects you to have a lower libido as a woman, and further frustrating that your spouse thinks you have a problem because you’re the one who wants it more.

A couple with the problem of mismatched libido needs to understand and accept each other and compromise when necessary to satisfy each other without one party feeling frustrated.

#6 Addiction

Addiction to watching p*rn is wreaking havoc in a lot of marriages.

You can’t compare your spouse with p*rn actors/actresses and expect to enjoy being intimate in your marriage.

P*rn sets unrealistic standards for your spouse and desensitizes you to real intimacy.

In those videos, you probably see ladies with perky boobs and curves in the right places.

How do you want the mother of your children to compete with that?

And as a woman, how do you expect your man to be as energetic and long-lasting as the man whose only job is acting in such videos?

It’s simply unrealistic!

Addiction to p*rn will do your marriage more harm than good.

If you are suffering from addiction to p*rn, seek help. 

#7 Infidelity

 

Cheating is one of the most frequently cited causes of divorce.

When another person starts to catch your fancy, your spouse becomes less attractive to you.

How will you enjoy intimacy with your spouse when another person is constantly on your mind?

Infidelity has a profound impact on a relationship because of what it represents.

Not only does it indicate that one spouse feels emotionally distant from their partner, but it also shows that he or she may be physically intimate with another person.

Sexual affairs can be as devastating to a marriage as emotional affairs.

Sexual affairs refer to physical or sexual contact with another person outside of marriage; emotional affairs refer to getting your emotional needs met by someone other than your spouse.

While some couples may be able to recover after an affair, the damage to the trust between them is often irreparable.

If you’ve had an affair or your partner has been unfaithful, consider seeking professional counseling to work through your feelings and develop relationship skills that can help you move forward.

#8 Stress from household chores

 

Yes, household chores.

Who does the dishes, the laundry, and the other household chores?

How are those responsibilities divided?

If one spouse feels like they’re doing most of the work, it’s likely to be a source of stress that can affect marital intimacy — and not in a good way.

Many studies reveal that women who did more housework than their partners reported less overall life satisfaction and lower levels of sexual desire and satisfaction.

Some women have shared with me how they denied their husbands sex because they were stressed from doing household chores without any help.

When a woman exhausts her energy trying to put the house in order, you can’t get the best of her in the bedroom.

Married couples who share household chores equally are usually happier with their relationship than other couples.

#9 Rigidity

When a couple or a spouse isn’t flexible enough to try new things, then intimacy could get boring.

Flexibility is defined as having a willingness to adjust to others’ needs or demands.

Flexibility is not the same as being submissive or giving in to a partner’s wishes all the time.

Instead, it is about coming to an agreement that works for both parties.

If you are not flexible enough to try new things in your marriage, sex will not be fun.

#10 Unresolved conflicts

 

One of the main factors that affects marital intimacy is unresolved conflict.

Conflict occurs in every relationship, and it’s normal, but you must learn how to resolve disputes with your spouse so that it does not negatively impact your relationship.

You cannot fight bitter wars during the day and expect to be passionate at night.

Resentment kills desire.

Period.

#11 Poor communication

If you can’t talk about sex, feelings, desires, fantasies, or needs, you’ll struggle to enjoy intimacy.

Many couples assume their partner “should just know.”

No.

Your partner is not a mind reader.

Talking about your desires, your frustrations, and your expectations without shame and fear of judgment and rejection is what keeps intimacy alive.

#12 Stress

We live in a highly stressful world.

Bills don’t stop coming.

Work deadlines never end.

Social media is shouting in your ears.

Add family drama, health scares, and unexpected crises, and it’s no wonder couples are walking around mentally and emotionally drained.

Stress is a passion killer.

You can’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and still have the energy to be playful, romantic, feel sexy, or intimate.

Your body might be lying in bed, but your mind is replaying that unpaid bill or the argument you had with your boss.

And when stress lingers, it doesn’t just affect your mood; it changes the way you relate to your spouse.

You become less patient, less affectionate, and less interested in closeness because stress has hijacked your mind and body.

Stress will never disappear.

But you can choose to manage it together instead of letting it silently destroy your marriage.

Talk about what’s bothering you.

Pray together.

Go for walks.

Laugh more.

Touch more.

Even little stress-relief habits, like giving each other massages or sharing chores, can bring intimacy back.

Sex doesn’t thrive in a tense environment; it flourishes in peace.

 

Marriage is work.

Physical intimacy is work.

It doesn’t just happen.

Couples who keep intimacy alive are the ones who choose to.

They chase each other.

They laugh.

They talk.

They forgive and compromise.

The magic that happens is the one you both create. 

 

 

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