Does he love me?
As a relationship coach, ‘Does he love me?’ ‘How do I know if a guy loves me?’ ‘Is he right for me?’ are questions I get from ladies very often. I don’t judge them for asking. They probably love a man and they want to know if he loves them in return. Nobody wants to be in a relationship where they are the only one doing the loving because it could be very draining. Not everyone has the energy for that.
Does he love me?
You are about to get answers to your question. However, I need to make this clear- there’s no perfect guy anywhere. You aren’t perfect yourself. We are all work in progress, so you are not about to read the characteristics of a perfect guy but ways a man can love you despite his imperfections. So, below are 40+ signs that a guy loves you.
1. He respects you.
You’re probably used to the cliché, ‘’Ladies need love, men need respect.’’ Well, I have a different opinion. To me, respect is love. If you love me, you’ll respect me. You can’t disrespect me and tell me you love me. Nope.
I know respect means different things to different people. So you’ve got to figure out what respect means to you and communicate it to your man especially if he doesn’t treat you the way that makes you feel respected.
Because your man can disrespect you without him knowing. So there’s nothing wrong in telling your man that you feel disrespected if he treats you in a way that you don’t like.
Something like, ‘’I feel disrespected when you raise your voice at me.’’
‘’Does he love me?’’
Yes, he does, if he treats you in a way that makes you feel respected.
2. He doesn’t want to lose you.
I tell ladies – don’t always be the one who is scared to lose a man, be the woman a man doesn’t want to lose. If a man is scared of losing you, then he’s crazy about you. If he doesn’t care about you leaving him, then the guy doesn’t love you. If you’re scared to lose a man who isn’t afraid of losing you, then something is not right. Because if a man loves you, he wouldn’t want to lose you.
Hey. I know that there are situations that warrant that a couple let go of each other but even in this case, no true lover will give up the other with joy.
‘’Does he love me?’’
Yes, he does, if he doesn’t want to lose you.
3. He’s bothered when you’re angry/upset with him.
Just like life, love isn’t a bed of roses. There will be sweet times and sour times. There will be times of conflict. The fact that a man loves you doesn’t mean he won’t annoy you sometimes. But what happens when this happens? Does he act like he’s done nothing? Does he bother about it? Does he act all cool around you? Does he ignore you?
Your answers to these questions will tell you where you stand in his heart. A man who truly loves you will be bothered when he upsets you especially when you show it. If he doesn’t care and waits for you to come around so that you can continue wherever you left off as if nothing happened, girl, you’re on your own.
4. He admits it when he’s wrong.
A man who loves you will not only be upset when he wrongs you, he’ll also know it and admits it. It’s not enough to be bothered; he should also admit he’s done something wrong. This is love. He should accept his faults, especially when you talk to him about them. Some ladies act all cool even when they’re hurt. So if a man isn’t bothered about his wrongs to you, maybe it’s because you didn’t react.
‘’But he’s supposed to know,’’ you might say.
And I’ll tell you that assumption is the lowest level of knowledge, it is the mother of all mistakes. Don’t assume he should know when he hurts you. What if he doesn’t? What if he does and he feels you’re okay with it? Just because a man loves you doesn’t mean he won’t be a jerk sometimes. Yeah, you read that.
5. He apologizes for his wrongs.
So he is upset you’re upset with him and he has also admitted to his wrongs. What next? He should say sorry for being a jerk.
Okay, I know some people will debate this and argue that men have an ego, saying sorry doesn’t come easily to them. Oh well, if you value your ego more than my feelings, then you don’t love me. Who says women don’t have an ego too? Remember my first point in this article?
I know some men can empty their bank accounts to buy you expensive gifts than to say sorry. Well, some ladies don’t mind. If your love language is gift(s) and you don’t care if he says sorry or not, then you can skip this point. If you’re okay with him expressing his apology in a different way than saying ‘I’m sorry’, then it’s fine.
But for me, saying the words is much more important than buying me gifts. The gifts can always come after the words. Who doesn’t like gifts? LOL.
6. He fixes his wrongs.
A man who loves you will not only apologize but will also be careful not to repeat the same wrong. Yes, there will be conflicts but that doesn’t mean a man should make hurting you his hobby. He shouldn’t think he can always get away with hurting you by apologizing. I’m not saying a man won’t hurt you in the same way again but he will try not to. He will make an effort.
If a man keeps doing the same wrong thing to you over and over again and keeps apologizing without making an effort to change his ways….
‘’Does he love me?’’
Ohhh… honey boo, I’m sorry, he doesn’t love you.
7. He doesn’t like it when you’re unhappy.
Life isn’t a bed of roses; there will always be dark days, sad moments and times of pain. A man who loves you doesn’t like to see you unhappy. Even as a friend, I hate to see my friends unhappy. How much more a lover? If your sadness doesn’t bother him…
‘’Does he love me?’’
No, girl, he doesn’t. A man who loves you will be concerned when you’re unhappy.
8. He tries to make you feel better.
Not only will a man who loves you be bothered when you’re unhappy, he also tries to make you feel better. I understand that happiness is sometimes a person’s decision and no one can make you happy when you don’t want to be happy. However, a man who loves you will make an effort to make you happy. It doesn’t have to be something big. It could be a gesture as simple as sending a text message, just to let you know that he cares about you. He can also take you out to distract you, buy you a little gift, send you flowers… anything just to care about your happiness.
‘’He cares about my happiness and tries to make me happy, does he love me?’’
Yes, he loves you, baby.
9. He loves you the way you are.
By this, I mean he loves you and accepts the things about you that cannot be changed. For instance, your height, race, weight, and colour..
If a man keeps complaining about these things that you can’t change, things that make you who you are, and he keeps making you know that he prefers you to be otherwise, then he doesn’t deserve you. He saw these things before he approached you.
‘’You’re too short.’’
‘’You’re too dark.’’
‘’I don’t like where you are from.’’
‘’You are too fat.’’
Bla bla bla.
These aren’t the words of a man who loves you. But let me say something about weight. I know weight is one of the sensitive issues to talk about in our present world because ladies are all about the hourglass figure, so no one likes to be called ‘fat’. As a matter of fact, calling someone fat is an insult in some cultures. But if you are eating all the junks and adding unhealthy weight and your man tells you to watch it, I don’t think that is a bad idea. Anyone who encourages you to be health conscious loves you.
A man who complains about your weight is different from one who encourages you to live a healthy lifestyle. The one who complains about your weight cares about himself and probably wants you to satisfy his aesthetic longing while the latter cares about you.
10. He doesn’t put you down.
A healthy self-esteem is crucial to living a happy life and having a fulfilling relationship. Self-esteem is an overall evaluation of someone’s worth or value. A man who constantly puts you down with his words or actions is messing with your self-esteem and automatically, your happiness, and such a man does not love you. If your self-esteem is suffering because you keep hearing demeaning words from the man you love, then you are in a toxic relationship.
‘’You are ugly.’’
‘’Why are you so daft?’’
‘’Can’t you ever do things right in your life?’’
‘’You are an underachiever.’’
If these are the sort of words your man says to you, girl, he doesn’t love you. You know what to do. Your self-esteem shouldn’t suffer in a relationship. What’s the use of a love that makes you feel less of yourself?
11. He supports your passion/dreams/vision.
I often tell ladies to get a life, discover their passion and maximize their potentials. There’s more to life than boy and girl stuff, being in a relationship or even being married. Yes, we all want to love and be loved but we are also individuals with dreams and goals to achieve. This is what brings us fulfillment as individuals. There’s a place of career fulfillment and marital fulfillment and one cannot take the place of the other.
A man who loves you should support your dreams and encourage you to pursue your life goals. Any man who makes a mockery of your dreams doesn’t love you. Your man should be your fan, in fact, your number one fan.
‘’He loves me but doesn’t love what I love doing let alone support me. Does he love me?’’
No, he doesn’t. If he loves you, he should support what brings you joy. He doesn’t necessarily need to understand it, but if it brings you joy, then he has to support you. A relationship you have to give up your passion for will not make you happy.
12. He wants to communicate with you.
I’ve had some ladies say to me, ‘’My guy hasn’t called me in a week!’’ ‘’I’m the only one doing the calling and messaging, he said he’s busy’’ ‘’He’s on and off’’
If a man loves you, he’ll want to communicate with you. I am not saying he should call or text you every minute but he should keep in touch with you! How can a man be MIA in your life for seven days and comes back like everything is fine? Well, some ladies do not mind but if you do, then you are in a ‘situationship’ and not a relationship.
I understand that some men are poor communicators but that doesn’t excuse them from making an effort. If you love someone, you’ll want to hear from them and communicate with them, even if it’s for you to listen to them while they talk. If there’s any reason you can’t communicate for some days, then you let your lover know. Going AWOL without letting someone you claim to love isn’t right.
No man who loves you is ever too busy to communicate with you. Don’t buy into the ‘I am busy’ clichéd excuse.
Does he have time to eat, sleep, drink, chat with his friends? Then he can have time to stay in touch.
‘’He doesn’t like to communicate with me, does he love me?’’
Girl, I don’t think so. Who doesn’t like communicating with someone they claim to love? I’m not talking about talking twenty-four hours here but keeping in touch, making time for quality communication.
13. He loves being with you.
A man who loves you will enjoy being with you especially if you’re a good company. Again, I’m not talking about being together twenty four hours but hey, spending quality time together is a way to show someone they mean a lot to you. Who doesn’t like being with someone they love? When you love someone, you’ll want to be with them right?
I understand that some people love their space but when you get into a relationship, it’s no longer about you only. Love is sacrifice and if you’re not ready to spend time with someone, it’s better you don’t get into a relationship, especially with someone who loves spending quality time with their lover.
14. He misses you.
A man who loves you will miss you. He can miss being with you, he can miss your smile, your laughter, your playfulness, your smell, your time together, your presence and even your mannerisms. I’m not saying he shouldn’t be able to live without you, you are not his oxygen but something about you must remind him of you.
15. He doesn’t remind you of your mistakes.
No one is perfect. A lot of people have done some things they aren’t proud of in the past. If your man constantly reminds you of the mistakes you are trying to bury in the past, thereby making you feel bad, then he doesn’t love you. Who does that to someone they love? That’s some twisted love.
16. He listens to you.
Listening is a skill that every lover should develop. It’s so hard to find a listening ear these days because everyone just wants to talk, talk, and be heard. It takes some level of discipline to listen. Thus, a man who listens to you loves you. He listens to your concerns, your rants, your plans, your ideas, your pains, even your stories! He doesn’t necessarily need to advise you if you don’t ask for a piece of advice but mere listening is a big deal.
A man who loves you will make an effort to listen to you. He’ll pay you attention and give you listening ears when necessary.
17. He is interested in you.
A man who loves you is interested in YOU, your plans, ideas, your progress. He’s not just interested in the relationship, he’s also interested in you. It’s a thing to be interested in the relationship, it’s another thing to be interested in you. He’s interested in your wellbeing, progress, and your welfare. No matter how cliché, “How are you” has become, it’s still a question that expresses care and concern. Even at home when my husband asks me, “How are you? Are you okay?”, I feel cared for and loved. And no, I don’t have to look moody. It’s just a random question.
18. He cares about those you care about.
A man who loves you understands that your world does not revolve around him, they’re some other people you care about and he cares about them as well. A man cannot love you and hate those you care about and those who care about you such as your family and friends.
19. He doesn’t abuse you.
Abuse can be physical, verbal or emotional. A man who loves you will not hit you or make you feel worthless with his words.
I learned that some ladies say that a man who doesn’t hit them doesn’t love them. I think such women need special therapy.
20. He reciprocates your gestures.
When a man loves you, he won’t leave you to do all the loving, calling, texting, visiting, and giving. He will be active in the relationship. He will reciprocate your gestures.
21. He doesn’t compare you with others.
You are a unique individual, with your own strengths and weaknesses. A man who loves you understands this and does not compare you with others, not his ex, his mum, his sisters, or his female friends. He sees you as unique and doesn’t want you to act like others.
Comparison makes you feel you are not enough. It brings unnecessary competition and envious feelings. In fact, comparison is the thief of joy.
‘’He compares me with the females in his life. Does he love me?’’
No, he doesn’t!
22. He appreciates you.
A man who loves you doesn’t take you or your effort for granted. He appreciates your role in his life, your show of love to him, your care, your effort in the relationship, and even your presence in his life.
If he doesn’t appreciate you and all that you are and do for him, he’s an ingrate and doesn’t love you.
23. He lets you be you.
Yes, we can always form and package for the world or social media but when it comes to the real world or behind closed doors, you shouldn’t have to impress anyone let alone the man who loves you. A man who loves you will let you be yourself with him. You should be able to laugh, talk, cry, joke, eat, dance etc. without you or him feeling embarrassed.
Does he let you be your talkative, playful, jovial, reserved or whatever you are, self? Or he tries to mold you into who you are not.
A friend, who is a radio presenter once shared with me how a suitor said she talks too much and he doesn’t like it. Really? What do you expect from a radio presenter? I’m not saying every radio presenter is extroverted but for this friend, that is who she is. You don’t expect her to change her personality because of you.
If you have to be another person with him, he doesn’t love you.
24. He doesn’t look down on you.
A man who loves you will not look down on you for whatever reason; even if he’s older, richer, more educated, more sophisticated, or widely traveled than you.
25. He doesn’t let others look down on you or disrespect you.
A man loves you when he doesn’t look down on you for whatever reason and he doesn’t let anyone, not even his family or friends, look down on you or disrespect you. He values you and holds you in high esteem, so he won’t let anyone trample on you. He demands that the respect he’s given also be given to you. No one is gonna treat his babe like a piece of trash,
26. He encourages you.
A man who loves you will encourage you, especially when you are discouraged and at the brink of giving up. He spurs you and makes you see the bright side of things. He doesn’t make you feel worse when you’re down already. He makes you believe in hope.
27. He believes in you.
He loves you if he believes in you- to be a better version of yourself, to achieve your goals, to fulfill a mission, or to fix a problem. Even when you don’t believe in yourself, he helps you to believe in yourself and in your abilities.
28. He tolerates you and doesn’t give up on you easily.
Everyone has their weaknesses and you surely have yours, but someone who loves you will tolerate you and be patient with you while you work on your buts. But you really have to admit them and be working on them because everyone wants peace in their life.
Some people have a temper so hot that can boil meat and the worse thing is, they expect people to put up with them while they destroy things with their anger. No, you’ve got to work on your issues, babe. Go for counseling, if need be. While you do that, a man who loves you will not give up easily on you.
29. He seeks and respects your opinions.
A man loves you when he seeks and respects your opinions. That means he realizes and appreciates your input.
30. He puts you in his plans.
He loves you when he considers you in his plans. He doesn’t live you out when making plans. You know where you stand in his plans. He carries you along so you are not confused as to where you are in his plans.
Some men plan to relocate and they won’t tell the woman they’re involved with until the last minute. Really? Were you just thinking about it?
If he leaves you out of his plans, you probably aren’t in his mind.
31. He respects your body and your decisions regarding your body.
Sexual attraction is normal in a relationship, however, if you say you don’t want to have sex in a relationship, a man who loves you will respect your decision and your body. He’ll never force himself on you. There’s a lot of rape going on in relationships these days.
Research on sexual violence indicates that ’’ among victims ages 18 to 29, two-thirds had a prior relationship with the offender. The Bureau of Justice (BJS) reports that 6 in 10 rape or sexual assault victims said that they were assaulted by an intimate partner, relative, friend or acquaintance.’’
So, this is a serious situation. Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean your partner cannot rape you. As much as your man loves your body and is sexually attracted to you, love is him exercising self-control if you don’t want to be sexually intimate with you.
‘’He forces himself on me. He says he couldn’t control himself. Does he love me?’’
Hell to the no, girl. It’s only a beast that cannot control himself.
32. He takes note of your complaints and makes effort to improve on himself.
Are there things you’ve been complaining to your man? Are there things he does that you do not like? What is he doing about them? Is he making an effort to change or he keeps ignoring your corrections? Then he doesn’t love you.
When a man loves you, he’ll want to work on the things about him that you keep nagging about.
33. He doesn’t make you his own little secret.
Why should a man who loves you hide you from the people he cares about? Why won’t he want to be seen with you? Maybe there’s something he’s hiding.
When you love someone, you tend to talk about them, especially to people you are close with- family and friends, except for certain situations where your identity needs to be hidden for some reasons. But in a normal relationship, a man who loves you won’t hide you from those who know him. And if a man tells you to keep your relationship with him secret, then you need to do some investigation to be sure of the man you’re dealing with.
34. He values your tears.
Your tears are precious to the man who loves you. It breaks his heart when you cry. However, you have to be careful not to become a crybaby because you can make your tears lack value because you’re used to crying over every little thing.
But for someone who isn’t a crybaby, a man who loves you won’t be happy when you’re in tears, especially if he’s the reason for them.
35. He compliments you.
If a man loves you, he sees and appreciates your special qualities. He can compliment your beauty, intelligence, hard work, creativity, strength, wisdom, kindness, integrity, neatness, brilliance etc…
36. He gives.
What is love without giving? It’s not the magnitude of the gift that matters but the attitude. It’s not how big the gift is but how big his heart is. He doesn’t necessarily have to buy you expensive gifts but the truth is, a man who loves you will want to share with you. Love is giving, especially on special occasions like birthdays. Even a birthday card shows thoughtfulness.
I understand someone may love you but they don’t know how to give. When you make them realize this, they won’t defend themselves but will make an effort to change.
A preacher once shared how his fiancée told him he was stingy. This touched him and made him start working on himself. Years later, he bought his fiancée, who had become his wife, a car.
Read: Getting Over a Breakup
37. He exhibits some level of healthy jealousy.
Please, emphasis on ‘healthy’ because unhealthy jealousy and possessiveness is a danger sign in a relationship. There are times that expressing a healthy level jealousy in a relationship is expected. For instance, if another man is trying to win you or you are spending too much time with a certain opposite sex, then it’s normal for a man who doesn’t want to lose you to react.
38. He keeps your secrets.
Are there intimate, dirty or painful things about you that you shared with your man? If he loves you, he should keep his mouth shut and not share them with whoever cares to listen. More so, he’s protecting you and your reputation that way. So of course, a man who loves you will care about your reputation/image.
39. He’s not intimidated by you.
Sometimes, ladies fall in love with guys who are not as ambitious, brilliant, wealthy, famous or accomplished as them. Love can play a fast one on us at times. However, a man who has a healthy self-esteem and loves you genuinely will not be intimidated by you or your special abilities; he’ll rather be challenged or amazed by them. He’ll even be proud of you and show you off to others. And it doesn’t even mean that he’s not successful in his own field. Maybe you just shine brighter in your own field.
If he loves you, he’ll not be threatened by your special abilities or privileges because intimidation is the mother of competition. A competitive relationship is a toxic one. There’s no unhealthy competition in love, instead, true lovers encourage each other to do better in their endeavours.
40. He’s there for you.
A man who truly loves you will be there for you during your low moments. If he’s always MIA every time you need him, why then is he in your life? Someone who claims to love should be part of your support system.
41. He’s committed to you.
There has been a lot of controversy about cheating and love. Some people are of the opinion that a man who loves you will not cheat on you while some say it has nothing to do with love, that sex is just sex to some people.
I think life is not black and white. Yes, I know cheating is not a reflex action, it’s a choice but life can be complex sometimes, right? But whatever happens, a man who loves you will not be a serial/an unrepentant cheat, he won’t rub it in your face. He will be committed to you and not hurt your feelings.
”He keeps cheating on me and says he loves me. He even buys me gifts to apologize. Does he love me?”
No, sweetie, he’s only eating his cake and having it. I know society has fed us with different stereotypes that have now been taken as facts. An example is – men are polygamous in nature while women are monogamous in nature. Really? If you believe this, then you need to start watching Lauren Lake’s Paternity Court. Hehehe.
Another lie women tell themselves is, ”He can cheat with anybody but it’s me that he loves, I’m the queen of his heart.”
Some ladies don’t care if a man cheats on them as long as he shows them love. Whatever rocks your boat, girl. I’m not judging you. We all can’t want the same thing in life.
42. He tells you.
When a man loves a woman, he should tell her. No matter how common, old or abused the sentence, ‘’I love you’’ is, it remains ever so special, romantic and important especially when it is from a genuine heart.
A woman should not be guessing whether a man loves her or not. He should say it and mean it. Some will argue that not every man is expressive, some men are shy, bla bla bla…
If a man is bold enough to fall in love, then he should be bold enough to say the magic words, ‘’I love you.’’
43. You will know.
Last but not least, if a man loves you, you will know. If he doesn’t, you’ll be confused.
A man doesn’t need to be perfect to be all these to you, even if he fails at some point, he’ll make amends and be what he’s supposed to be to you because love isn’t only expressed in words but also in actions.
You may be thinking that a man can be all of these, yet, pretend. But for how long can a man pretend? And the truth is also that, you’ll know if a man is pretending if you are sensitive enough and not blinded by love. Because most of the time, the warning signals/red flags are always there but we are too busy loving.