If you have found yourself in various situationships, it’s enough to ask yourself, ”Why do I always end up in situationships?”
You probably don’t plan to be in a situationship, but you always find yourself stuck in one.
Why is this?
First, let’s consider the meaning of situationship.
What is a situationship?
A situationship is, essentially, a relationship that isn’t really a relationship.
It’s that murky stage when you’re not quite sure where things are going, but you’re still seeing each other (and maybe even sleeping together).
Unlike an actual relationship, there are no defined parameters or agreed-upon labels.
It’s just…a situation.
”Why Do I Always End Up in Situationships?”
Let’s consider some of the reasons you keep ending up in undefined relationships:
You are afraid of being alone
Being single and alone can sometimes be scary, so loneliness can make us do things we wouldn’t normally do, like staying in situationships.
If you are afraid of being alone, you will tend to stay in situationships even if they are not good for you.
You would rather be in a ”situationship” than be alone because, at least in a ”situationship”, you have someone.
Being in a situationship gives you a false sense of security.
However, being afraid of being alone is not a good reason to stay in an unhealthy ”situationship”.
You need to learn to be comfortable with yourself first and foremost.
Only then will you be able to have a healthy and happy relationship with someone else.
2. You don’t want to get hurt again
If you have been hurt in the past, you may be hesitant to get into another relationship because you don’t want to get hurt again.
It is natural to want to protect yourself from getting hurt, but staying in a situationship is not the answer.
A ”situationship” is not a real relationship, so it cannot offer the same type of protection as a real relationship.
In fact, situationships often end up hurting people more because they are based on false pretenses and expectations.
3. You’re not really ready for a relationship
If you’re no ready for a relationship, you may find yourself in ”situationships”.
”Situationships” are often less serious and demanding than actual relationships, so they can be a good way to ”test the waters” if you’re not sure if you’re ready for something more serious.
4. You’re afraid of commitment
The fear of commitment is one of the main reasons people find themselves in situationships.
If you’re afraid of commitment, situationships may seem like the perfect solution.
In a situationship, there is no real commitment required from either party.
You can pretty much do whatever you want, whenever you want, without having to worry about anyone else’s feelings or needs.
However, situationships are not really a solution.
They are just another way of avoiding commitment.
5. You’re not sure what you want
If you’re not sure what you want, ”situationships” can be a way to ”buy time” while you figure things out.
”Situationships” can be helpful if you need some time to figure out what you want in a relationship.
However, ”situationships” should not be used as a crutch to avoid making decisions.
At some point, you will need to make a decision about what you want, and ”situationships” will no longer be an option.
6. You don’t have boundaries
We put boundaries in place to protect ourselves from getting hurt and being taken for granted or taken advantage of.
Some people have difficulty setting and enforcing boundaries and you might be one of them.
If you don’t have boundaries, situationships can be a way for people to take advantage of you.
People in situationship often take advantage of the fact that there are no real boundaries or expectations.
So they may string you along without ever giving you anything real or committed in return and it keeps happening because with you, anything goes.
7. You’re looking for something perfect
No one is perfect and no relationship is perfect.
If you’re looking for something that is perfect, you will probably end up in a situationship.
Situationships are often based on idealized versions of the other person.
We tend to idealize the people we are in ”situationships” with because we don’t really know them that well.
Idealization” is not the same as love.
When you idealize someone, you are not really seeing them for who they are.
You are only seeing what you want to see.
If you are in a situationship, how can you not realize that your ‘partner’ isn’t defining your relationship because they probably don’t want a relationship with you?
Heck they might even be money, sex, or a place to live?
8. You’re a people pleaser
Learning to say no can be difficult, especially if you’re a people pleaser.
People pleasers often find themselves in situationships because they are reluctant to say no to anything or anyone.
The root of people-pleasing is often low self-esteem or lack of self-confidence.
You don’t have enough confidence to believe that you deserve better or that you can do better, and ask for what you deserve.
So settling for a situationship is often a symptom of low self-esteem.
9. You’re just not that into the person you’re seeing, but you enjoy their company (and benefits) enough to keep things going
This is a ”situationship” if you’ve ever heard of one.
You’re not really that into the person, but you like them well enough to keep things going.
It’s not really a ”relationship,” but it’s not nothing either.
10. You have different objectives
Situationship also happens when you and the other person have different objectives.
One of you might be looking for something more serious, while the other is just testing the waters or keeping things casual.
You’ll always end up in situationships if you keep meeting people who want different things than you do.
It’s as simple as that.
How To Avoid Ending Up in Situationships Always
Ask why you always end up in situationships
If you find yourself constantly getting into situationships, ask yourself why.
Are you afraid of being alone?
Afraid of commitment?
Or are you just in denial about the fact that these types of relationships rarely ever work out?
Be honest with yourself and then take the necessary steps to change your patterns.
Otherwise, you’ll just end up right back where you started—in another situationship.
2. Be honest with yourself
The second step to avoiding situationships is being honest with yourself.
You need to be honest about what you want and what you’re looking for in a relationship.
If you’re not sure what you want, that’s okay.
But you need to be honest about it with yourself and with the people you’re seeing.
Don’t lead anyone on or string them along if you’re not sure what you want.
Be upfront and honest about your feelings and intentions from the beginning.
This will help to avoid ”situationships” before they even start.
3. Set boundaries
You need to know what you’re willing to tolerate and what you’re not willing to tolerate in a relationship.
You also need to be able to communicate your boundaries to the other person.
If you’re not sure what your boundaries are, that’s okay.
You can figure it out as you go.
But you need to be aware of them and be able to communicate them to the other person.
4. Be assertive
You need to be able to speak up for yourself and what you want.
This can be difficult, especially if you’re a people pleaser.
But it’s important to be assertive in relationships.
If you don’t speak up for yourself, no one else will.
You need to be able to communicate your needs and wants to the other person.
5. Don’t settle
Don’t settle for anything less than what you want and deserve.
If you’re not happy with the way things are going, speak up.
If the other person is not willing to meet your needs, then it’s time to move on.
Don’t allow the fear of being alone to keep you in a situationship that isn’t working.
You deserve better than that.
These are just a few tips to help you avoid ending up in situationships.
If you find yourself in one, remember that you always have the power to walk away.
You deserve better than to be stuck in a situationship.