There is something worse than desiring to be loved and not being loved, it is being with someone who is simply pretending to be in love with you.
While men do, indeed, fall for women who don’t love them, we are likely to find more women in this bind because men rarely settle.
Women, on the other hand, make a habit of settling and being blinded to a man that obviously doesn’t care for them.
If you are in a relationship, you should be certain your boyfriend loves you as well.
If you find these signs in him, it is clear he is just pretending to be in love with you.
- He wants to keep you/the relationship a secret
I saw something recently on social media where someone said, “you cannot love someone quietly.”
That resonated so much with me because it occurred to me that indeed, love is obvious. It is not vague; not to you and others.
If a man loves you, there is absolutely no way he will want to keep you a secret or be kept a secret.
In fact, he will get offended if your family and friends don’t know about him.
Don’t misunderstand me, some people usually mistake this for being public; some people like being private but there is a difference between keeping the relationship private and keeping it a secret.
Privacy means not talking about it on social media, secret means hiding you from people around him.
2. You are not sure of your place in his life
Like I mentioned earlier, love is not vague; not to others but especially not to you.
If a man loves you, you will just know.
If he is telling you he loves you and you are still unsure of your place in his life, he is just pretending to be in love with you.
You might be insecure; that is always a possibility. But if you are sure it is not insecurity and you are just uncertain where you stand with him, you are likely right.
3. He never talks about the future with you
Imagine being in love with someone and not wanting them to be around forever.
If he loves you, you will find yourself in his future.
He will say more of “we”, “our” and less of “mine” and “I”.
More often than not, you won’t even have to push for these things, he will make plans for the future considering you in the picture.
You will find him talking about your goals and dreams to see how they align with his.
4. He cares more about physical intimacy than emotional intimacy
Let me be clear; a man that loves you will be physically attracted to you. He will want to touch you and be close to you.
Even if you are in a relationship where you are practising abstinence, the physical attraction will be obvious and sometimes, you will even feel it in the atmosphere.
But a man can also be physically attracted to you without having any feelings for you.
How do you know the difference? A man who loves you will also want to know you; he will be interested in understanding you and knowing what makes you tick.
Your dates will not solely be about the physical but getting to know each other more.
5. He’s only after what he can get from you
A man that is just pretending to be in love with you can want different things from you; it could be money, connection, sex, attention and anything he feels he can get from you.
So, naturally, he will pretend to love you to keep getting what he wants from you.
However, a healthy relationship is “give and take”; a man who loves you will also give to you.
In fact, he will be pushing himself to give more to you.
Love gives; any supposed love that does not give is obviously not love.
6. Your family and friends don’t like him
Our family and friends are a lot more perceptive than we give them credit for.
These are people who have known you all your life/a long time and cared about you that long; believe it or not, they know you and have a good idea what’s good for you.
Now, it is possible to have a friend or family member who might disapprove out of jealousy or any other selfish reason, but if all or a huge percentage of them disapprove, you might want to take a step back to investigate.
7. He’s unavailable when you need him
Apart from a lot of the things we enjoy when we are in a relationship with someone, one of the things we enjoy is that they are usually available when we need them to be.
So, if you are with a man who is never available when you need him, chances are he is just pretending to be in love with you.
There will be times when he is unavoidably unavailable but if that always happens and he never makes you a priority, it is a huge red flag.
8. He is never to blame
When two people love each other in a relationship and they offend each other, they will be quick to apologise and resolve issues.
But when you are in an unrequited love situation, the person doesn’t care to resolve issues or take blames for them.
Of course, there are times when you will be at fault but you cannot always be at fault and if he is never ready to take responsibility for his part, he doesn’t care how you feel.
People like this are usually good at gaslighting; they always find a way to turn situations around on you.
9. He doesn’t challenge you to be better
A man that loves you wants you to be a better person. He will lovingly correct you when you are wrong and challenge you in areas you are slacking but he knows you can do better.
It is because he genuinely wants to see you win.
But a man that doesn’t love you doesn’t care if you win or not, so he will never care about challenging or helping you become the best version of yourself.
10. You know in your guts
Trust your guts; if you just know in your guts that your boyfriend doesn’t love you, chances are he doesn’t love you.
However, in order not to be rash, investigate and find out why you feel that way. What you should not do is ignore it.
The thing about pretence is that nobody can consistently act; they will slip up and these signs are some of the things you will notice when they do. If you pay attention and notice any of these signs, you should rethink that relationship.