Can you love someone and not trust them?
You might have probably heard that trust is a very delicate thing.
There’s a saying that trust is not given but earned.
And another one that says trust is everything.
You may have come across the saying too, that trust can be likened to an eraser which reduces with every mistake.
And the list goes on of sayings about trust.
That notwithstanding, trust is a fundamental yet very important component of every relationship.
When you say that you love someone, trust is the backbone on which that love is built.
You let yourself become vulnerable around someone when you’ve grown to trust them.
You let them in and give them the deepest parts of your heart, soul, and sometimes, body, with the belief that even if the world begins to cave in at any moment, they’ll take good care of the things you entrusted in their care.
When you watch them leave your presence, you are confident in the fact that they have respect for themselves and you, and won’t go behind your back to flirt, throw themselves around, or worse still, open themselves up to other people who are not you.
However, one thing you should know about trust is that it is based so much on the unknown.
Trust is evidence of faith, that no matter what the odds are and no matter what tomorrow brings, you are confident in the fact that this person with who you are in love will not do anything to hurt you.
Wow! It takes a whole lot of strength to do that; trust someone. Really.
Trust is difficult to get or attain in our age and dispensation.
This is because it is either too hard to come by or it is given too freely with no holds barred.
Most times when someone in love gets hurt, they build a thick wall around themselves to prevent other people from trying to mess with them.
To an extent, this is understandable because we get bitter when we are broken.
Even if someone looks like an angel, you wouldn’t want to let them into your life at that period because you must have heard of fallen angels.
So, everyone is locked out of your life because you’re hurting very badly and it was caused by someone you loved so dearly.
You are conversant with heartbreak; the hot, burning sensation in the chest; the feeling of being betrayed, shattered, damaged, and crushed.
This makes you not trust anyone.
You’re on a total lockout to everyone and this happens mostly whenever you start feeling that you’re getting too close to someone and some feelings are about to develop.
With time, you open up to love like the layers of an onion bulb.
Getting to learn how it feels to love and fall in love with someone again doesn’t guarantee that you trust them.
You do not trust them. At least, not yet.
And that’s where the problem lies because there’s no real love when trust is absent.
Any relationship whose foundation is bereft of trust is bound to crumble.
This brings us to the point where we talk about you being in love with someone who does not trust you.
What they do is pull you in and look for a way to keep you locked in and suffocated in there all in the name of protecting you.
They are always breathing down your neck wanting to know even the tiniest detail about you: who you’re with, why you’re friends with who you’re friends with, where you’re going, what you’re wearing and so many other silly questions.
Their main aim is to find out if you’re lying to them about anything because to them, you’re probably lying.
This makes you begin to question yourself and questioning yourself leads to you doubting yourself.
You stand in front of the mirror, look at yourself and try to see if you are as bad as they’re trying to paint you.
I want you to know that you’re not a bad person. You’re awesome and amazing. Do not let anyone take that away from you.
The treatment you’re getting from them is a reflection of the complicated mess that is their life.
That’s a reflection of their life, their broken life before they met you.
Their previous lover probably betrayed them, shattered them and they’re not the same anymore since after the incident.
So, they meet you and resort to questioning and doubting your intentions towards them.
A painful realization is that they may probably be doing the exact things they accuse you of doing behind your back because they do not want to get hurt again.
It sucks but that is the least of your problems.
The truth, your truth is that you love them, are loyal to them, care very deeply for them, will never hurt them, and are honest and open to them.
Although you want so badly for them to heal from their painful and broken past, you are still worthy of trust regardless.
And this cancels the baggage this other person is dragging into your new relationship because you are not part of the cause of their pains.
Their trust issues are not and should not be your problem.
Even if you can comfort them and teach them what true love is all about, what you cannot do without them being willing is to change their mindset.
Do not spend your life trying to prove anything to them; that you love them, that you’re different and are not like the last person who left them damaged.
Don’t do that to yourself. You’re worth more than that.
You can’t just wake up one day and begin to change your entire life just to suit someone; stay at home for them, shift your world view for them, drop your friends for them, become new individuals for them, change your clothing for them, ignore plans for them and so on.
That will be very unfair to you as a person because the issues they’re battling with have absolutely nothing to do with you.
So, what’s the way forward when the person you love does not trust you?
At first, you’re patient with them, showing them the kind of person you are and what it feels like to trust.
You aim to show them that you’re way different from the person who broke their trust.
When you do all of this and they still question your every move, it simply means that they have no faith in your person and you need to set yourself free from this toxicity.
Do not ever think that you can change their mindset. They have to change it themselves, if and when they’re willing to.
Set yourself free and also set them free.
Allow them to rebuild, grow and become ready to love someone else in the wholesome way love is meant to be experienced.