We all know how difficult it can be to deal with people who resent us.
They seem to find any reason they can to discredit our words and actions, and we often don’t understand how or why they dislike us so much.
How we react in these situations has an enormous impact on our general well-being.
Here are some helpful tips for dealing with someone who resents you:
How To Deal With Someone Who Resents You
1. Find Out Why The Person Resents You
The first step to dealing with someone who resents you is figuring out how and why they dislike you.
It’s important that you don’t take their resentment personally because it usually has nothing to do with you as a person but more about how the other person feels about themselves.
I once had a classmate/roommate who resented me because I didn’t like going to night class to read like her, and I ended up scoring better whenever exam results were released.
I mean, she couldn’t hide her resentment towards me because she said to my face, ”How do you manage to score better than me when you don’t even go to class to read at night?”
So, someone’s resentment of you might have nothing to do with you.
For instance, someone could resent you because they feel you are more beautiful, richer, lovable, etc. than they are.
The only way to find out how and why someone resents you is by asking them, or better yet, having a conversation with them about how your relationship together has changed over the years.
If this person does not disclose their resentment towards you after talking through things, then it is most likely that what they feel towards you has to do with how they feel about themselves.
2. Apologize For Your Part, And Offer Ways To Change Things Around
If someone resents you because of how you have contributed to their resentment, perhaps they took offense at something you said, then you should take responsibility and apologize for how you’ve made things difficult.
One thing I like about the book ”How To Win Friends & Influence People’‘ (by Dale Carnegie) is how he describes how important it is to apologize when someone feels resentful towards how you’ve contributed to their resentment.
Carnegie explains how it is important that the person who has done wrong takes responsibility for what they have done because this shows people how much we care about them and how willing we are to take part in making things better between us, not just shifting all the blame on others.
Furthermore, if there is anything that you (the person who made things difficult) can do to change how the other person feels, then it is important for us to offer suggestions on how we can make changes.
For instance, if someone resents me because I don’t go out with them as much as they’d like, and all I say when they express their resentment is how I’d like to stay home once in a while, then it is not enough for them.
Instead, I should offer suggestions on how we can spend more time together.
Perhaps they could come over to my place once in a while so that we can watch a movie together.
In this way, I am not only taking responsibility for how my actions have contributed to their resentment towards me but also how I show them how much I care about them and want to make things better between us.
3. Don’t Fight Their Resentment
Remember I said it is important not to take their resentment personally?
This also applies when dealing with someone who resents you.
We can easily get offended by things they say and do, but the only way we have a chance to resolve the situation is by staying calm and not taking their words or actions personally.
If you respond with emotional outbursts, how do you think it will make them feel?
Their resentment towards you might even get worse because they’ll know that whatever they say upsets you deeply.
Don’t you think that’s how they want you to react?
They are looking for a reaction from you so they can have an excuse to keep hating on you.
You could even say, ”I’m sorry if I offended or hurt you in any way,” which shows them how much your intentions aren’t malicious towards them and how it hurts you when there is a lack of understanding and how you’ve been misunderstood.
But it doesn’t always work out well because sometimes they’ll still hate on you despite your efforts to understand them better.
Because their resentment towards you is how they feel about themselves, and there is hardly anything you can do to change how they feel about themselves except to show how much love and compassion you have towards them.
4. Don’t Respond to Their Hate With More Hate
Sometimes, when we are dealing with someone who resents us, our initial reaction might be that of anger or hate because these emotions make it easier for us not to take the other person’s words and actions personally.
But how is that helpful?
Isn’t it better to be the bigger person by being understanding instead of being reactive?
When we respond with anger or hate, how is that any different from how we are being responded to?
It’s like a mirror effect, and nothing good comes out of it.
Plus, the more upset we get with them, the more emotional they will become, too, which isn’t helping anyone at all.
If you want to effectively deal with someone who resents you, try not responding to how they feel about you with how you feel.
5. Higher Ground Is Where You Want to Be in a Relationship With Someone Who Resents You
The truth is, how we feel about ourselves will never change how someone else feels towards us.
It’s like the sun and the moon; if you cannot change how they feel about you, then choose to rise above it.
Sometimes, people resent us because we remind them of something they’re trying to forget, something they don’t have but wish they had, or something they’ll never have.
And what better way to be the bigger person than by ignoring their existence?
Don’t argue back when the person says something negative about you.
It’s likely that this will only make them angrier and give their resentment an outlet for expression.
Only respond and argue if it’s extremely necessary and you think will put you in a better place emotionally and mentally.
6. Be Kind & Patient
Remember how we said that how you feel about yourself will never change how someone else feels towards you?
Well, it’s the same with how they treat you.
It doesn’t matter how much love and compassion you show them because this won’t change how they act towards you.
You could be nothing but kind to them, yet they will still treat you how they want.
So when dealing with someone who resents you, don’t expect love or compassion in return.
Just be kind and patient while expecting nothing but the best for both your sake and their sake.
Their resentment towards you might disappear if they have a change of heart, but how long should you wait for them to be kind?
It’s not about how much time it takes; it’s all about what’s best for your well-being in the end.
When dealing with someone who resents you, the only person who is benefiting from how they are treating you is them.
They are feeling better about themselves by hurting others with their resentment.
Don’t let their self-satisfaction ruin your joy.
7. Don’t Give Them an Opportunity to Hurt You: Cut Ties With Them
This is how you should deal with someone who resents you: not giving them an opportunity to hurt you.
You can do this by cutting ties or ignoring any form of communication they try to reach out to you through (email, text messages, phone calls), especially if it’s negative and filled with resentment.
This might be the wake-up call that person needs to start respecting themselves more instead of taking it out on other people by hurting them with resentment
Sometimes, when dealing with someone who resents us, we think that keeping the relationship open will remind them how much love and compassion we have for them, despite how badly they treat us.
This doesn’t necessarily make their hate towards us disappear.
We often underestimate the lengths a resentful person can go to hurt us.
Some people have been implicated and physically hurt by people who resented them, people close to them, e.g., family or friends.
This is why, when dealing with someone who resents you, don’t give them an opportunity to hurt you by keeping them close.
Protect yourself by cutting ties with them or limiting their access to you.
I hope you found this article helpful in learning how to deal with someone who resents you.
What if you are the one who is resentful?