”My husband wants me to pay half of everything!”
Apart from infidelity and lack of communication, home management, especially as it relates to finances, is another major cause of marital conflict, and this is due to personal beliefs and views shaped by our different individual experiences.
While some couples believe that contributing to the home in marital relationships should be on a 50/50 basis, with each person contributing an equal amount to things like bills, groceries, rent, etc., and it works for them.
Others believe that one person, usually the man, should take care of the bills, rent, and other household finances, and guess what?
The man is living up to his responsibility, and both partners are happy.
Yet, others are of the school of thought that views husband and wife as partners, and as such, they should contribute whatever amount their income permits. In other words, their income determines what they take care of in the home.
The truth is, none of these beliefs is right, and none of it is wrong.
When it comes to how partners contribute and manage their home finances, there’s no one size fits all.
It all depends on your unique financial situation and the nature and goals of your relationship.
However, if your husband insists that you pay half of everything, here are some things you should know.
“My Husband Wants Me To Pay Half of Everything”
Paying half of everything can work for you
Depending on your unique personal beliefs and experience about how home finances should be managed, how good you are with money, how much salary you earn (whether you two earn the same salary), your debt level and your home budget, you may find that paying half of everything in your home can work well.
There are actually several pros to it.
Some of the positives of managing finances this way in your home include:
- It ensures equal contribution and it can help to keep things fair between the two partners and prevent any one person from feeling like they’re carrying the bulk of the financial burden.
2. It can give each partner some autonomy regarding their finances.
After the household contribution from each partner, they are left to spend their money as they see fit and this can help prevent arguments that might have occurred if such purchases had come from joint funds.
3. It promotes joint responsibility for the household finances which keeps both partners from feeling the pressure of being in charge of everything or, conversely, the discomfort or resentment that often comes from feeling left out of everything.
Despite some of these advantages outlined here, here are some of the things you should consider in deciding to pay half of everything:
1. Your money mindset (spending habit) and that of your partner
What is your mindset when it comes to managing money?
Are you a spender or a saver?
Do you believe in denying yourself certain pleasures of life so as to put some money aside for a rainy day or do you believe in spending money on the items and experiences you desire now?
What of your husband?
Is he a spender or a saver?
If you two have the same money mindset, you’ll find it easier to contribute equally without any fear of being cheated or prevented from living the life you want and getting the items you need.
On the other hand, if you and your partner have different money mindsets, it can be a problem because it can cause conflict over how to handle money and contribute to the home.
2. Your income
This is the most important consideration.
The fact that your husband wants you to pay half of everything presupposes that you work and earn some salary.
The big question then becomes, how much do you earn?
Is it the same with your husband’s income?
Do you make more money than he does or does he make more money than you do?
If your partner makes a lot more money than you do, paying half of everything can put a strain on you as the lower income spouse and it will be unfair to ask you to contribute a certain amount when your income doesn’t permit it.
If this income disparity is not considered and addressed, it can cause resentment in the long run which can be damaging to the relationship.
3. Debt situation of the partners
Are you in debt?
Do you have more loans to repay and more debts to settle?
This is another important aspect to consider because if you have more debts and loans to take care of, it will be difficult for you to contribute equally to the home.
”My Husband Wants Me To Pay Half of Everything”: What To Do
Here are some helpful ways to tackle the issue of paying half of everything and contributing equally to your home.
Refer to prior discussion and agreement
Have you two had any prior discussions about any financial arrangement and how home finances would be managed?
If it was discussed then it is important to remind him of that conversation and the decision that was made.
It is important to note that if such conversation was had, there’s a possibility that some things have changed.
More loans may have been acquired, your partner’s income may have reduced and life may have thrown other financial challenges your way as a couple.
It is important that as you refer to prior conversations and remind him, you have an open mind and take these changes into consideration.
They will help you two to achieve a fair deal with respect to your home finances.
If no prior discussion was had with respect to your finances, it is important that you sit with your spouse and have an open and honest conversation.
You need to express your concerns about your husband’s request that you pay half of everything.
This includes your reasons and feelings, your previous experience, your income status, any other thing you should disclose and talk about.
Listen to his reasons too and try not to be domineering.
Through dialogue, you will be able to put your assumptions aside and know his true feelings and the reason behind his request.
3. Seek a resolution
Don’t leave the conversation open ended.
It is important that you lay all your cards on the table and find a compromise or a common ground.
Remember that you and your husband are a team and whatever you decide is in your interest as one family.
4. Get professional help
If you are unable to reach a compromise or find a common ground, feel free to seek the professional help of a counselor who can help you communicate better and find a way to resolve the issues surrounding your home finances.
You also need to be open and willing enough to work with the counselor so as to achieve your goal in your home.
In conclusion, finances is a powerful part of a marital union
It can be the source of unity and it can also be the source of disparity.
There is no right or wrong way of dealing with the home finances.
It is therefore important to have an open conversation about the uniqueness of their home and relationship dynamics, and find what works best for you and your partner.