I had a neighbor and friend whose parents’ marriage I admired immensely growing up.
I remember hoping to have a marriage like theirs when I grew up because they fit the image of the fairy tale romance novels sold to me: they held hands, gave each other pecks in public, and made grand gestures.
As someone who lived in a conservative society, this was an anomaly.
So, I saw them not only as a couple defying the odds but also as people living the life I hoped to have someday.
One day, I mentioned it to my friend, and she said, “Things are not always as they seem outside.”
I didn’t understand nor press her for the meaning behind her cryptic words, but I understood what she meant when her mum filed for divorce not long after.
I couldn’t believe it.
What could have made my favorite couple break up?
I didn’t have the answer then, and I still don’t.
But I have often wondered if the husband saw the divorce coming or if he was as blindsided as I was.
Not that I have any stake in the matter, but I couldn’t help thinking about it because, based on her reply, the daughter probably did.
When I decided to write this post, they came to mind again.
What are the signs a woman is secretly wishing for a divorce?
What signs does a man need to look out for so he is not left blindsided and can possibly redeem things before they become irreparable?
We will be looking at them in this post.
8 Signs A Woman Is Secretly Wishing For A Divorce
1. She avoids conversations about the future of the marriage.
One might erroneously think only couples in a relationship make plans, considering they have something to look forward to, like marriage.
However, married couples probably plan more for the future.
Just because they are married now doesn’t mean they don’t have things to look forward to in the future.
It could be building an investment portfolio, building their dream house, seeing their children go to college, or even their individual dreams and goals.
And I dare say, in many homes, women champion these discussions.
But if they aren’t, they are still very much involved.
So, it’s not normal for a woman to be uninterested in these conversations.
Think about it: if you’re not planning or wishing not to stick around, why bother mapping out the years ahead?
Of course, her avoidance of the topics won’t always be obvious; she might find a legitimate excuse every time they come up.
But really, is it possible to never have time to talk about the future with your spouse?
2. She stops arguing or expressing her opinion.
I remember that before I got married, when I was done with my ex and his inconsistent ways, one of the things I noticed before I finally broke up was that I stopped arguing.
I just didn’t see the need.
For one, I was drained at that point.
Secondly, I was done with the relationship, so there was no point.
Unfortunately, he was happy that I was more agreeable, missing the point of my lack of interest.
This is a mistake that some men may also make in their marriage.
Arguments, as unpleasant as they are, show investment – they show that she still wants to be in the marriage and wants to make it work.
If she suddenly stops caring enough to challenge you or share her opinions, that’s a problem.
You may mistake her silence as a break from the drama, but it often signals she’s altogether given up on the relationship.
At that point, she could be conserving her energy because she doesn’t see the point of fighting for something she no longer believes in.
If her usual fiery debates turn into quiet nods or disinterest, it’s time to worry.
3. She becomes overly secretive about her activities.
A level of independence and individuality may be okay in marriage.
I don’t think a married couple has to share EVERYTHING, especially if it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
For instance, if a couple doesn’t run a joint account, it might not be necessary to announce it if they give their parents some money from their individual accounts.
However, they don’t also go out of their way to hide things from their partner.
For instance, the couple above may still mention it because it is just natural for couples to talk about things.
If they don’t, though, I don’t believe something like this is a big deal.
In essence, I am saying that not everything needs to be discussed if it doesn’t impact the marriage in any way, but happy couples also don’t deliberately hide things from each other.
So, when someone goes the extra mile to hide parts of their life from you, it’s usually because they don’t want you involved.
You are probably rolling your eyes, thinking, but of course.
I know; it just needs reiterating.
If your wife suddenly becomes vague about where she’s going or who she’s talking to, it might mean she’s mentally preparing for a life without you.
She may be exploring new friendships, hobbies, or even support systems to help her transition.
This doesn’t automatically mean she is cheating; she may just be detaching before she gets her wish – a divorce.
4. She shows increased interest in financial independence.
Money talks, and when a woman starts talking more about earning, saving, or managing her own finances, it could mean she’s preparing for life on her own.
You may have heard that the person who owns the piper determines the tune.
So, people understand that financial independence is less about money and more about control over one’s life.
And if there is one thing a woman who is secretly wishing for a divorce wants, it is control.
She wants to ensure the husband has no say over her because she owns her own thing.
So, she might suddenly become interested in opening a separate bank account, taking on more work, or becoming uncharacteristically frugal.
These moves often point to something, especially for women who used to be financially reliant.
5. She makes major decisions without consulting her partner.
A happy marriage is about teamwork; the couple comes together to plan their lives and ensure their home thrives.
So when one person starts making significant decisions without consulting the other, it’s a clear sign they’re learning to operate independently.
Again, little things might not need consultation, like what to eat and wear, where to hang out with friends after work, and so on.
But decisions like switching jobs, making large purchases, or even deciding to redecorate the house are big and should be discussed.
If your wife is no longer involving you in these matters, she’s likely no longer thinking in terms of “we” but “me.”
She is either planning her exit or wishing you get the idea and do it.
6. She starts expressing admiration for people who left unhappy marriages
Another secret sign a woman is wishing for a divorce is if she’s suddenly talking about how “brave” someone is for leaving a bad marriage or mentioning stories about people finding happiness after a divorce.
You need to pay attention when a woman starts talking the way.
She could be testing the waters to see how you’ll react to the idea or seeking validation for feelings she’s ruminating on.
Of course, commenting on someone leaving a bad marriage is not always ominous.
A happily married woman can still recognize when someone else has it really bad.
But if she is always on the side of leaving a marriage, it could be her way of exploring the possibility without directly confronting it.
She’s likely thinking about her own situation and imagining what life would be like if she made a similar choice.
7. She withdraws intimacy.
When intimacy starts fading, both emotionally and physically, it’s often a sign of deeper issues.
A woman wishing for a divorce might stop sharing vulnerable parts of herself.
We all know emotional intimacy is vital for the health of a home.
However, one can only participate in it when they care about their partner.
When you don’t, the first thing you lose is your interest in connecting with them intimately.
And in some severe cases, she might lose interest in the bedroom.
Of course, the random touches and kisses would likely disappear with their loss of emotional connection.
But she might still participate in the bedroom if she doesn’t want to draw your attention to her feelings.
However, if she is completely out of it, it might affect that area of the relationship, too.
8. She speaks glowingly about her single life.
If your wife starts reminiscing about her single days with a certain sparkle in her eye, it might be more than just nostalgia.
If she is simply recounting, there is a certain energy she will give to show she is just telling stories of her past.
But if she is considering going back, she will speak glowingly about it as though those were her best days.
If she keeps mentioning how happy she was or how much independence she enjoyed, and her tone is wistful, pay attention.
She might be craving the freedom she feels is lost in her marriage.