If you’re like me, then you’ve probably wondered a few times what goes on in the minds of people who cheat.
Do they think it’s okay?
Have they wondered how they’d feel if the roles were reversed?
Do they think their actions through?
I may not have all the answers, but one thing I know is that cheaters think about their actions.
They know exactly what they’re doing.
Seeing that cheating is not like falling off a bike or running into a car that happens accidentally.
It is an intentional act, especially when it’s a full-blown affair and not a one-time thing.
Not like doing it once makes it right.
Every cheat is different, and they approach their unethical actions differently.
Some people stop cheating when they’re caught.
Others have a rethink on their own and change without being caught or being told to, but we have another breed of people who just won’t stop no matter what.
They keep cheating, and they do it with the same person over and over again.
Well, if you’re wondering why a man— whether your husband or someone else’—won’t end his affair with his sidekick, these are real reasons.
The Real Reasons He Won’t Leave The Other Woman
1. He hasn’t decided to
It’s simply his choice.
Every human especially when they’re adults have the power of choice.
You choose what you want to do and what you don’t want to do.
The first real reason he won’t leave the other woman is that he has not decided to leave her.
He can give many reasons or blame other things, but the actual reason is him.
The day he decides to leave her is the day he leaves.
Unless he’s been jazzed (hypnotized by magical powers) and brought under an influence of some sort, which is quite unlikely.
The full responsibility lies on him.
2. She gives him what he wants
Nobody likes to leave what seems to be profitable to them.
Most human beings are intrinsically selfish, so if a relationship doesn’t give to them, they’re unlikely to sustain it.
His motive for staying with the other woman is the benefits he derives.
Of course, the affair started because it was meeting a need.
The needs vary and can be anything;
The first and most obvious thing she is giving him is sexual satisfaction.
Most times, side chics give the best sex because that’s usually the only thing they can give or are needed for.
Their existence in the man’s life is purely superficial and to gratify the flesh.
I’ll talk more about this in another point.
However, the bottom line is that the man is getting his desires met by his side chic, so leaving is not on his mind at all.
3. You’ve not taken a stand
The man’s wife or primary spouse may inadvertently be contributing to his refusal to leave his side chic.
As I mentioned, some men end their affairs when caught.
Sometimes, it is not just because they’re caught but because their primary partner displays her displeasure, takes a firm stand against it, and even attempts to walk out of the marriage.
The man ends up directing their energy towards apology, repentance, and trying to beg their wife to stay.
Such a man may decide to turn a new leaf.
But a man whose wife doesn’t firmly stand against it may feel relaxed.
Perhaps cheating is not a deal breaker for the woman, so she tolerates it.
Or maybe one thing or another holds her back from expressing her displeasure.
She might not know it, but she’s indirectly letting the man continue.
I once read that you teach people how to treat you by the things you tolerate from them.
When someone does something repeatedly to you, and you let it slide, you’re telling them that what they’re doing is okay.
So, an irresponsible man will take that as his cue to keep enjoying the best of both worlds.
4. He finds peace with her
Rihanna’s song “We Found Love in a Hopeless Place” does not apply only to love.
Sometimes, people find peace in the least likely places.
Although I’ve noticed that most of the time, it’s not actual peace; it’s more of escapism.
When there’s an unresolved issue in the man’s marriage, he suddenly meets a damsel who seems to be the perfect woman.
When all he’s getting from his marriage are arguments and fights, the other woman’s arms are wide open, promising peace, warmth, and everything good.
5. The sex is good
I know we already talked about the sex, but I just need to dwell on it a little bit more.
In most cases of cheating, this is the main culprit.
It’s not news that men love sex.
I mean, most people do, but you get what I mean.
Many times, a cheating man might find it difficult to detach from his affair partner when he thinks about sexual satisfaction.
For some of these men, their wives can’t match their libido.
Of course, because she’s a wife, she has many other things to do, including taking care of the home and kids.
So, she might not give as much attention and energy to lovemaking as a side chic would.
And for a man who can’t see beyond his nose, one so limited in his thinking that all he cares about is sex, leaving the affair will be hard.
I know it is very selfish, but that’s what it is.
6. He’s emotionally attached
Contrary to popular belief, affairs are not always about lust and superficial things only.
Sometimes, there can be strong, genuine bonds between a man and his mistress.
It doesn’t validate them or make the relationship right, but you can’t deny the feelings when they’re there.
The reason he is holding on might be because he’s emotionally attached to her.
The man may have developed a strong emotional connection with the other woman, making it hard to end the relationship.
Particularly if these feelings don’t exist in his marriage or primary relationship.
I saw a movie in which the protagonist had a strong connection with his secret lover, and his wife was almost like a third party.
Turns out the mistress was his first love, but his parents forced him to marry someone else for their own selfish reasons.
Instead of facing his wife and moving on, since he couldn’t stand against his parents’s will, he chose to keep his love life with his first love going.
She was now the home wrecker, but her connection with the man was stronger than that of the legitimate wife.
Life isn’t always black and white.
Grey areas exist in some situations.
The emotional support, admiration, care, or companionship the other woman offers the man might be the glue that keeps them together.
Their love is founded on the wrong foundation, but they don’t care.
7. He’s being blackmailed
This doesn’t happen often, but it does happen.
He may have seen the light and decided to turn a new leaf, but he cannot because he is being held captive.
A woman forcing a man to stay with her by different means is not something we see happening all the time,e but it does happen.
If the woman is not ready to let go of the affair, she might employ different strategies to try to keep the man with her even when he wants to leave.
These strategies vary and can include blackmail and other forms of manipulation.
I once read about a married man who got into an illicit affair with his female boss.
They enjoyed the steamy office romance for a while until the man decided that he was done betraying his wife’s trust and wanted out.
The female boss wasn’t done with him yet, so she declined.
When he wasn’t ready to cooperate, she threatened to relieve him of his job.
The man was torn between choosing the path of faithfulness, even if it meant becoming jobless, or continuing in his illegal relationship and keeping his job.
I don’t know what to say about the situation, but I can only say that certain things can be avoided if the right thing is done from the beginning.
The real reasons he’s refusing to leave the other woman are all connected to his needs and desires.