6 Things Lack Of Physical Intimacy Does To A Marriage

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Physical intimacy is just as important in marriage as communication.

This is the simple truth.

This is why, when there is a lack of physical intimacy in marriage, most couples struggle.

They struggle to maintain the bond and connection they may have developed over time through physical intimacy.

However, trying to do this without physical intimacy may prove to be an uphill task.

The truth is that without physical intimacy, partners start thinking a lot of things.

One of the major thoughts that most people have is that their partners are no longer attracted to them.

When there is a lack of physical intimacy, it is easy to start believing that your partner no longer loves you or is not attracted to you.

This is usually the beginning of most of the troubles that occur in sexless marriages.

The absence of physical intimacy in a marriage can create a void in so many aspects of the relationship.

I don’t want it to seem like I am overemphasizing the importance of physical intimacy, but physical intimacy in marriage goes way beyond the physical.

It symbolizes the physical manifestation of the love couples claim to have for each other.

When it is absent, it is absolutely normal for most marriages to experience several negative shifts.

Let’s explore a few of those negative shifts together, shall we?

6 Things Lack Of Physical Intimacy Does To A Marriage

1. Emotional distance

Physical intimacy and emotional intimacy are largely interwoven in relationships.

When physical intimacy takes a hit in marriage, it definitely affects emotional intimacy in several ways.

One of the major ways it affects emotional intimacy is that some emotions can’t be adequately expressed with words.

Even if you possess immense poetic abilities.

For instance, a gentle touch from your partner has this way of filling you with so much security and comfort.

Just a touch can effectively express emotions in a way that even a thousand words may not.

So, this leaves a conundrum.

How do you express these feelings easily if you are not physically intimate with your partner?

This is the issue most relationships are facing presently.

The lack of physical intimacy in your marriage can leave a void that words can never fill.

This void can make couples in such marriages feel isolated and abandoned.

There is a desperate need within them for physical intimacy.

When this need is not satisfied, they may settle into the routine of their marriage without investing their emotions anymore.

This lack of emotional connection sucks all the joy out of the marriage and turns the marriage into a mere shadow of itself.

Many couples are surviving in their marriages rather than enjoying them because of this lack of emotional intimacy, and if you are thinking this is the worst thing lack of physical intimacy does to a marriage, just stay with me.

2. Frequent fights

In secondary school, we had a teacher who was always angry.

He would come to school frowning and usually stayed that way until the end of the day.

He was ever ready to punish students for even the slightest provocation.

There was a joke among the older boys in school then.

It started when one of the guys insinuated that the man was sex-starved, and that was the reason for his short temper.

There was no proof of this, but somehow, it stuck, and soon, he had a messed-up nickname.

My point is that even kids can associate perpetual bad temper with a lack of physical intimacy in marriage.

Physical intimacy is more than just an expression of love.

It is also an outlet.

I believe there is something called pent-up sexual energy.

For the single, there usually is no outlet.

It is not the same for the married.

However, when there is a lack of physical intimacy in the marriage, I can assume that there is one partner in that marriage with pent-up sexual energy.

I can also imagine that the partner will have irrational bursts of anger from time to time.

The truth is that without physical intimacy, a marriage may experience very little peace because a hungry man is always angry, regardless of the kind of hunger involved.

This kind of hunger is not food-related but is also important and can cause anger.

Lack of physical intimacy can cause frequent fights in a previously peaceful and happy marriage.

Sometimes, I see couples trying to resolve matters in a marriage without addressing the root of the issues.

Of course, the issues will spring up again.

To address the issues caused by lack of physical intimacy, couples have to address the lack of physical intimacy first.

3. Reduced trust

I live in a small community where everyone knows each other’s business.

Even when you try to mind your business, as I always do, neighbours still have this unique way of airing their dirty linen in public.

One time, a couple started having loud arguments in their house.

They were in their house, of course.

So, people didn’t interfere.

But it felt like they wanted the interference because they brought the fight outside.

I was trying to focus on my work, but I couldn’t help but hear some of what was happening.

So, here’s the gist.

The man and his wife had not been having sex for a few months.

Apparently, the man was the one avoiding his wife’s advances.

He was always complaining of tiredness and not being in the mood.

That night, his tenacious wife set about her mission to get him to make love to her, and his response didn’t change.

But that night, she wasn’t having any of those excuses.

She was angry.

She was tired of enduring, and she was very certain that her husband was cheating.

That could be the only explanation for his loss of appetite for sex.

I don’t know how they settled it, but the noise later died down.

The truth is that lack of physical intimacy usually rouses feelings of rejection and insecurity in the partner being rejected.

Like, “What do you mean you are not in the mood? You haven’t been in the mood for two years! What does it take to get you in the mood!”.

Then, they start wondering if their partner is cheating on them.

So, they are now suddenly at “He/she is probably getting it somewhere else.”

This awakens a high level of paranoia, and trust is soon replaced by distrust in the relationship.

The husband, who could never question his wife’s activities, suddenly starts asking too many questions and trying to monitor her movements.

The wife, who had never seen the need to check her husband’s phone, suddenly turns into a detective and starts looking for evidence of cheating.

They start doubting each other’s commitment to the relationship and start making unfounded accusations against each other.

This creates a terrible cycle that only increases the emotional distance between the couples, making physical intimacy almost impossible.

4. Little or no sense of unity

The first time I got a lesson on unity, I was a little boy.

It was in our English comprehension class I had my first lesson.

A mother used a broom to teach her sons unity.

She said, “Brooms are meant to clean dirty places, but one broomstick can’t do the work. That’s why you need a bunch of broomsticks to create a broom”.

What she meant was that in the same way a broom can only sweep a room clean when the sticks are together, we need unity to get things done.

In a marriage, couples need to be united if they want to enjoy a successful marriage.

Physical intimacy usually contributes to this unity of purpose.

But what happens when it is absent?

Disunity begins to creep in.

There is a lost sense of partnership.

Without physical intimacy, the marriage may begin to seem more like two strangers living in the same house than a marriage.

This can make everyday life a challenge for the couple, and if they have children, those innocent kids could also feel the effect of the lack of intimacy because it feels like the couple can no longer agree on what to do.

Growing up, I saw many kids who suffered from the discord between their parents.

One time, a boy’s mother sent him on an errand, and his father chose to send him on another at the same time.

He couldn’t do both together, and here was the problem…

If he completed his mom’s errand first, his dad would have been angry, and if he had done the reverse, his mom would have been upset.

The boy decided to do nothing.

He just sat down and cried.

No one told me that there was a lack of physical intimacy in that marriage.

Still, I could feel its presence, along with a host of other issues that could have been the direct or indirect result of a lack of physical and emotional intimacy.

This loss of unity in marriage can make everyday problems more challenging than they actually are.

Hence, increasing the frequency of conflicts in the relationship.

5. Infidelity

Lack of physical intimacy is one of the leading causes of infidelity.

This is a proven fact.

However, this doesn’t make it an excuse for the act.

Infidelity is a terrible act of betrayal, and its scars are usually deep.

People who have been victims of infidelity usually find it difficult to trust other people.

But the truth is that if a marriage lacks physical intimacy for a long time, a partner will likely seek satisfaction elsewhere.

Does this mean that all sexless marriages involve cheating partners?

No, it doesn’t.

If a couple mutually decides to have a sexless marriage for some time due to reasons known to them, they may not experience infidelity issues.

However, even for their relationship to work, they need to be able to connect on a much deeper level emotionally.

Sadly, this is not the case in most marriages.

When there is a lack of physical intimacy in a marriage, it erodes the foundation of the marriage.

It removes trust and commitment from the marriage, which can lure one or both partners into infidelity.

6. Divorce/separation

This is the worst-case scenario.

Lack of physical intimacy can cause a lot of damage to a marriage.

Think of it as a bedbug.

Bedbugs are truly terrible creatures.

I had one experience with them, and I don’t think I want a replay of it.

All it takes for bedbugs to infest your room is for one to find its way inside.

They infest the whole house and damage wooden furniture in the house.

They also sting you the moment your body comes in contact with them.

Do you see why I hate them with passion?

When physical intimacy is lost in a marriage, that’s a sign that the first bedbug has come into the marriage.

The first bedbug usually lies low until it has enough backup to wreak havoc.

So, you may not realize that the lack of physical intimacy is a big problem until it brings up a whole lot of other issues.

Distrust, constant fighting, emotional withdrawal, and infidelity are some of the major issues it brings up.

At this point, many people usually start thinking of how unbearable their marriage is.

This is where the final move comes into play.

Lack of physical intimacy makes couples so tired of their marriage that they may start wishing for their single days.

In so many marriages, couples take it one step further towards separation or divorce.

Listen to me: the fact that you are experiencing a lack of physical intimacy in your relationship doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship has to end.

The challenges may seem insurmountable, but the truth is that there is a high chance of renewal and rekindling of love in your marriage.

However, to rekindle your love, you must be ready to work towards this goal.

Willingness to improve the marriage together plays a great role in rekindling the dying sparks in a marriage without physical intimacy.

Communicating openly with your partner to convey your readiness to work on improving the relationship is key.

Discovering and addressing the underlying causes of the lack of physical intimacy is important.

You can do this through counselling, planned date nights, or simply making an effort to reconnect by taking deliberate steps toward rekindling physical intimacy in your marriage.

Ultimately, physical intimacy is not just an aspect of marriage.

It is the physical expression of love.

While physical intimacy doesn’t always need to be sexual, it is also an important part.

If, for some reason, sex has to be reduced in your marriage, it doesn’t mean that physical intimacy should be reduced.

Touch your partner affectionately.

Hug them.

Spend time cuddling, and of course, spend quality time together, connecting in ways that matter.

 

 

 

 

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