That feeling you get when you meet someone new?
Epic!
The excitement is usually so profound.
You want to spend quality time with him and have deep meaningful conversations all the time.
It is just such a great experience.
You are in love, and that feeling can make you blind to other things…
Especially the fact that the person you love may not actually be in love with you.
They may just be going along with the flow because they have something else in mind for you.
When you are looking for a lasting relationship, relying on the butterflies in your belly could be the biggest mistake ever.
That feeling can make you blind to just about every other thing.
It can make you see red flags as white flags.
It is in such situations that lust can be disguised as love quite effectively.
However, there are ways to distinguish between love and lust.
When a man loves you, his actions express his love as well as his words.
When a man is only lusting after you, his words may say he loves you, but his actions would hint at the opposite.
Is he in lust, not in love with you?
Here are some signs to watch out for.
8 Signs He’s In Lust With You – Not In Love With You
1. He is only interested in sex
Personally, I believe that sex has no place in any other relationship except marriage.
That’s my opinion, and I won’t get mad at you if you don’t share the same opinion.
If you are the kind of person who doesn’t agree with me and is open to sexual intimacy with a man you are not married to, this sign may not be easy to spot.
It is still a sign, though.
Do you know that distinct feeling you get in a relationship with a guy who seems to be after your body?
It feels like all he wants from the relationship is sex.
Every quality time spent together is usually a marathon of sex.
It feels like you can’t be around each other without having sex, and you feel it is just a strong desire for each other.
Well, I hate to break it to you, but sometimes, it is a sign that his main purpose in your life is to have sex with you.
He is just acting out his lust for you, and even when he tags it “love,” there is a hollow ring to it.
If you spend more time with him in the sack than out there, discussing and getting to know each other, it is usually a clear sign that one person is lusting after the other.
If he initiates most or all of your sexual encounters, it could be a sign that he is in lust with you.
Even if you have not given in to his demands for sex, you may get the impression that it is all that matters to him in the relationship.
He puts pressure on you to have sex with him, regardless of your standpoint on the matter, and sometimes attempts to guilt-trip you into letting him in.
When that doesn’t work, you may notice a marked withdrawal in his behavior.
This is a sign that having sex with you means more to him than building an actual relationship with you.
2. Shallow conversations
Don’t get this wrong.
It is normal to have casual conversations even when you are both in love.
In fact, the lighthearted banter is a really enjoyable part of the relationship.
So, don’t go around ruining a good thing because your man doesn’t talk deep things all the time.
However, if it seems like all your conversations with him lack depth, it could be a red flag.
I am playful, and most of the time, I don’t even like to be involved in serious conversations.
Even in my friendships, it is not possible.
I still get drawn into deep conversations, and I thoroughly enjoy it because it gives me more insight into whoever I am interacting with.
In my romantic relationship, it is inevitable, and sometimes, I have even been known to initiate serious conversations from time to time.
Even when I don’t want to be serious, I still demonstrate a readiness to have serious and meaningful conversations with my partner.
So, don’t let any man deceive you with the “I don’t like deep and serious conversations” spiel.
It is usually just a way to avoid discussing feelings.
He doesn’t want to talk about his feelings for you because it would probably require him to lie.
One time, my girlfriend just looked at me and asked a question out of the blue.
She asked, “Do you love me?”.
I was taken aback, but I answered affirmatively, and she went on to ask, “How much do you love me?”.
Now, this was where there was a dilemma.
I wasn’t in the mood for such kind of discussions but I knew that neglecting to answer that question would upset her.
So, I replied to her, and she felt satisfied.
When I told my friend about it, he laughed and said it could never be him.
He would have told her all she needed to know was that he loved her.
If a guy avoids talking about his feelings in a relationship, it could be a sign that he is just in lust.
This avoidance of meaningful conversations may also extend to talking about himself.
He doesn’t seem to show much inclination to talk about himself.
It could be a sign that he is hiding something important about himself.
The truth is that true love consists of two people getting to know each other, realizing each other’s flaws, and still loving each other all the same.
However, if you don’t exactly do much talking in your relationship, this could be really hard.
3. His attention is inconsistent
A major sign a guy is in lust is that his attention fluctuates.
A guy treats a girl he is in lust with inconsistency because he really doesn’t have or want a stake in a relationship with her, and he just wants what he wants from her.
His attention fluctuates, and he only comes around when he needs something from her.
Someone in lust would shower you with affection and attention sporadically.
Today, he may be so attentive to you, and the very next, he pulls a disappearing act on you.
If his interest and affection seem to fluctuate without any clear reason, he might not be seriously invested in the relationship.
4. He is emotionally unavailable
You know you can be in a relationship with yourself without even knowing that your partner has left the relationship already: this is how it feels to be in a relationship with a guy who is emotionally unavailable.
It feels like connecting with him emotionally is an uphill task.
He doesn’t attempt to be vulnerable around you; despite your best efforts, he refuses to let you in.
He loves the relationship the way it is.
There is a way a man can talk to you about himself without sharing much information.
He could talk for long hours and you still don’t have any insight into his emotions.
If it feels like your man is more willing to share his sexual fantasies in explicit details than to discuss his feelings, it is a sign that he may just be in lust with you.
He is clearly not emotionally available and is just in the relationship for the physical gratification he gets from it.
Don’t ignore this red flag!
He is most probably not going to change in the future.
5. He avoids commitment
A major sign that a guy is not in love with you is a distinct lack of commitment on his part.
He is hesitant to give a tag to the relationship.
From such kinds of guys, flee!
They usually just string you along until they decide that they are done with the “relationship.”
One time, a female friend considered herself to be in love with a guy, and according to her, the guy felt the same way about her.
The only issue was that he said he disliked labels.
He just wanted them to go along with the flow, and she agreed.
Until he made sexual advances at her, and she refused on the grounds that they were not in a committed relationship.
He got really angry and walked her out of his house.
He didn’t talk to her for days, and even the times she tried to reach out to him, he cut the call.
After about a week, she gave up on him and stopped trying to reach out to him.
When he realized that he may have overplayed his hand, he tried to reach out to her to apologize.
He said he was going through a very tough time.
She wanted to know if she should give him another chance.
I told her clearly that the whole situation was obvious.
He was just in the relationship for the fun of it.
The fact that he didn’t want a label on the relationship is a red flag but the major red flag was the fact that he couldn’t handle rejection.
When a guy is not committed to a relationship, and he still wants to enjoy the benefits of being in a relationship, it gives off the “eat your cake and have it” vibes.
Dear ladies, if that man is not ready to commit to a serious relationship, every other thing he says about his feelings for you is most likely a lie.
He is merely infatuated with you.
6. He has no plans for the future
This is an extension of the previous sign.
When a man is committed to a relationship, he plans for the future with his partner.
He doesn’t just make the plans in his head.
He also informs her of his plans for her.
Without plans for the future, it is obvious that your relationship is going nowhere.
If you always find yourself wondering where the relationship is going, it is a sign that he has not mentioned any plans for the relationship.
I once had an ex who would talk to me about the number of children we would have, the names to give them, and all that.
Sincerely, such conversations scared me at that time because I wasn’t ready for such kind of commitment.
I didn’t know if I wanted to have that kind of relationship with her.
When a guy doesn’t have any plans for the future of the relationship, the odds are he is in lust and not in love with you.
7. He doesn’t respect your boundaries
Boundaries are very important in every relationship.
In romantic relationships, they are even more important.
You can’t afford to live the rest of your life with a man who doesn’t respect your boundaries.
It may seem like something that can be managed right now, but trust me, it will become unbearable really soon.
So, if you are in a relationship with a guy who blatantly disregards your boundaries, you need to take note of this red flag.
A guy who literally coerces you into having sex with against your will doesn’t respect your boundaries.
A man who keeps on mounting pressure on you to have sex with him despite your beliefs about sex before marriage is not a man who respects you.
He may apologize and say that the things he did were done in the heat of passion, but the truth is that there will be many more times in the future when he will be caught up in the heat of passion.
You should exit that relationship right now if you value your welfare.
A man who disrespects your boundaries all the time is surely not in love with you!
8. He doesn’t introduce you to his friends and family
In Nigeria, it is the hope of many ladies in relationships to be introduced to their man’s friends and family.
When a man takes his woman home to meet his parents, it is generally taken as a sign that he is serious about the relationship and interested in moving things forward.
This is not a confirmation that he is surely going to marry you, but most of the time, it is mostly a sign that he is committed to the relationship.
However, if you realize that you have never met his friends and he has never mentioned any intention of introducing you to his parents, it could be a sign that he isn’t serious about the relationship.
If this sign is displayed with other signs above, then it is a confirmation of the fact that he is actually in lust with you and not in love.
Identifying whether it’s love or lust is crucial for your emotional well-being.
Relationships fuelled by lust usually lead to fleeting satisfaction and eventual disappointment.
To avoid the inevitable disappointment, it is important that you pay attention to the signs.
Don’t make excuses for any red flags!