Thinking of this subject reminds me of a Bible verse I used to like…
“There is an evil which I have seen under the sun, as an error which proceedeth from the ruler: folly is set in great dignity, and the rich sit in low place“–Ecclesiastes 10:5-6
Apart from being extracted from a religious text, this expression describes a situation in which things are not as they should be.
In that sense, it accurately applies to the situation where some men find it easier to confide in another woman instead of their wives.
It shouldn’t be so.
But the truth is that many things that happen in some relationships are far from the ideal.
It is very unexpected for a man to leave his wife and confide in other women.
If this is happening in your marriage, it can spark up a lot of concern and questions in you.
I have seen many women get suspicious and insecure in their relationships when their husbands do things like this.
They want to know why this is happening and what it means for their marriage.
While every relationship is unique and the motivations behind different men’s actions may vary, we will explore the common reasons some men confide in another woman instead of their wives.
7 Reasons Some Men Confide In Another Woman Instead Of Their Wife
1. They are seeking an unbiased perspective
Personally, I believe that all husbands should confide in their wives.
I mean, there shouldn’t be anything they are telling another woman that their wives don’t know about.
However, some men don’t do this.
In this case, it is not because of any ulterior motives on their part.
They may just be looking for an unbiased perspective.
Which may be harder to get from their wives because they are too emotionally invested in the relationship to see things objectively.
Confiding in another woman, especially one who is perceived as a neutral party, can offer a fresh and objective viewpoint on a situation.
But this could be sensitive and dicey because if their wives realize this is happening, it could bring about a lot of problems.
While it is not so unusual for a man to seek unbiased perspectives on matters from other people, it becomes very suspicious when it happens all the time, and it is with that one person.
Dear husband, if you are reading this, stop doing this.
You can confide in your wife as well as trusted friends, but never leave your wife out of the loop.
It can do more harm than good.
2. They are dissatisfied with their wives
When I hear that a man is confiding in another woman instead of his wife, the first thing that comes to mind is that he is actually dissatisfied with his wife.
Men, like women, have emotional needs, and sometimes, they may feel dissatisfied when these needs are not met in their marriage.
One thing I know about being dissatisfied is that it comes with a need to vent to someone who is empathetic.
And the truth is the wives may not understand if their husbands just come, ranting about how them.
They would naturally get defensive.
So, here’s why he starts confiding in the other woman.
She is empathetic, listens to him, and makes him feel understood.
Note that all of these don’t make it right for a man to confide in another woman instead of his wife.
It only ends up creating a feeling of emotional intimacy with the other woman, and in many cases, this is usually the starting point of emotional affairs.
Is it okay that your wife isn’t attentive to your needs?
No, but there are other ways to resolve things than engaging in the dangerous habit of confiding in another woman.
3. They are afraid of being judged
I have always maintained that in your relationship, you can’t always expect your partner to do things the right way if you don’t have an enabling environment in place.
Once, a lady complained to me about how her boyfriend was no longer vulnerable with her.
I asked her a few questions and found out that he used to be vulnerable with her until she used the information she had on him against him.
Something bad happened, and she blamed him because he shared his weaknesses with her.
She called him a weak and irresponsible man.
Although she apologized later, the damage had been done.
Since that day, he stopped sharing deep things with her.
The truth is that if a husband who used to confide in you stops confiding in you, you need to check yourself.
You may have done or said something that has done irreparable damage to the trust he has for you.
Many men are in this position.
They don’t confide in their wives anymore because they are afraid of being judged.
They are especially scared of revealing mistakes to their wives.
It gets even worse when they have another woman in their lives that they can confide in without having any fear of judgment.
They may start seeking solace in the other woman instead of their wives.
Confiding in someone who offers unconditional support is so comforting and reassuring.
But the problem is the bond that it strengthens between them.
Dear wives, if your husband confides in another woman instead of you all the time and that woman is not related to him by blood, you just may have a battle on your hands.
You need to do something about it, and the first thing you can do is to introspect deeply on your responses to your husband in the husband.
If you are the judgemental type, you need to start working on controlling that tendency.
4. They don’t have common interests with their wives
When couples don’t have common interests, they find it hard to have interesting and meaningful conversations.
It is just normal.
In fact, love blooms when couples have shared interests.
When couples don’t have shared interests, it becomes an issue.
One major issue it could raise is a partner confiding in other people because they know their partner will not be interested in hearing what they have to say.
When men feel that their wives do not appreciate or understand their interests or hobbies, they may turn to another woman who shares these interests.
There is this sense of camaraderie you get from talking to someone who shares your interest.
It is a valuable experience.
Most men want to share this experience with their wives, but if their wives are not interested, they may just end up confiding in another woman who shows interest.
5. They want to avoid conflict
Some men may go out of their way to avoid conflicts.
Now, while being peace-loving is not a bad thing, every relationship has its fair share of conflicts.
And these conflicts can be beneficial for the relationship if they are handled the right way.
So, totally avoiding conflicts all the time is quite harmful to the relationship.
However, this has not stopped certain men from doing everything they can just to avoid conflicts.
Some men may choose to avoid conflicts by confiding in another woman instead of addressing issues with their wives.
This may be because whatever they are talking about could be really sensitive and could lead to a lot of conflicts in the marriage.
This avoidance behavior is usually caused by a fear of confrontation or conflicts.
Because no matter how much we advise wives to maintain a nonjudgmental air when listening to their husbands, there are some things that could catalyze a reaction.
So, I know a man who had people’s money with him.
They gave it to him to help them save because they knew he was a trustworthy person.
Unfortunately, he also had a gambling problem.
He felt he had a very sure game to play, so he invested all his money—including other people’s money—in it.
He thought he had seen an opportunity to amass generational wealth.
Alas, he lost the game and all the money.
This is the point he is supposed to tell his wife, right?
But he didn’t.
Not at first, because he was scared of being judged.
But the truth is he deserved whatever criticism or judgment he got for the act.
He later told his wife, and they found a solution to the whole issue.
I think the best thing to do is to confide in your wife, receive all the criticism you deserve, and work things out.
Wives, of course, your criticism should be constructive.
You want to make things better, not worse.
6. They are just friends
The truth is that I have very few friends I can confide in, but those ones I do trust with my secrets, I trust them totally.
They have proven over time that they won’t use anything I have to say against me, and they will always keep my secrets when I ask them to.
It’s possible that the woman your husband confides in is simply a trusted friend with whom they have a long-standing relationship.
They are truly just friends, and your husband feels comfortable telling her stuff because he has spent most of his life doing this.
A good friendship can provide a safe space for men to share their thoughts and feelings without the pressure and expectations of a marital relationship.
When I am talking to my friends, I usually don’t need to try to make myself look good.
I mean, they have seen me at my worst already.
They may have expectations of me, but they can easily accept that I have fallen way below their expectations.
It’s harder with a wife…
Men usually feel a higher level of responsibility to their wives; even the slightest mistakes may make them feel like a colossal failure.
But the truth is, wives should know their husbands more intimately than friends.
Married couples should be each other’s best friends.
This helps the communication.
Best friends usually don’t feel the need to hide things from each other.
7. He is having an affair with her
The reason why men should be careful with confiding with other women is that it usually leads to emotional affairs.
However, this could also be caused by an emotional affair.
When a man is having an emotional affair, there is a dangerous shift in affection to the other woman.
He spends much time with her, talks to her more, and most certainly shares more with her.
Your husband could be confiding in another woman innocently.
So before accusing him of having an emotional affair, be sure you are seeing the signs of an emotional affair.
Is he being secretive?
Is he spending too much time talking to her?
Does he seem emotionally distant from you?
Does it feel like he is avoiding spending time with you?
Get concrete answers to these questions before accusing your husband of emotional cheating.
However, there are things you can do in the interim.
You can reflect on how you have reacted in the past when your husband shared stuff with you.
Did you get angry?
Did you say things you really shouldn’t have said?
This could be why he is confiding in another woman.
Maybe he just wants to avoid being criticized or nagged.
Encourage him to talk to you, assure him that you will not rip into him, and let him feel safe around you.
Also, you need to look into who the woman is.
Is she a casual friend, and is it a one-off situation?
Or are they besties?
The truth is that confiding in another woman doesn’t necessarily imply a romantic interest or infidelity.
It could just be a sign of underlying issues that need to be addressed.
By encouraging open communication, mutual understanding, and empathy, those issues can be addressed, and you can go back to enjoying your marriage.