I have a friend whose ex was very manipulative.
Although he didn’t blatantly cheat on her, which I would argue is still cheating, he was often micro-cheating.
But he manipulated her into thinking it was normal until she found someone who showed her something different.
Now, if you’ve never heard this term before, micro-cheating is a term used for when someone doesn’t cross the threshold of what we call cheating, but is still engaging in disrespectful acts that may or may not lead to cheating.
Whether they finally cross the line to cheat or not is inconsequential; what matters is that they are being disrespectful, and no one should take that.
Like I said, I would even consider it cheating.
I often refer to the words of the character Tyler Perry played in Why Did I Get Married when his wife was beginning to have feelings for someone else.
In the movie, his friend told him that if she hadn’t gone physical, then it wasn’t an issue, but he said it was even worse, as it was emotional cheating.
Yes, you could argue that micro-cheating is not an emotional affair, as they often don’t have a particular partner; they are just crossing the boundaries of what’s unacceptable in a relationship.
But I would say, it is still emotional cheating because you are sharing the time, effort and attention you should give your partner with others.
But let’s not digress because I am saying all these due to how strongly I feel about it.
Even staying within context, nobody deserves to be disrespected by their partner like that.
Therefore, you need to know if your partner is micro-cheating.
These signs will show you what to look out for.
9 Signs He Is Micro-Cheating On You
1. Following Different Girls On Social Media
One obvious sign of micro-cheating is if your man suddenly starts following a bunch of random girls on Instagram, especially the ones who post thirst traps regularly.
Like we established earlier, it might not mean he’s physically cheating, but it’s definitely giving “I’m shopping around.”
Micro-cheating sometimes starts with curiosity and sometimes, just a blatant lack of self-control.
So, yes, following a bunch of women he doesn’t know personally is suspicious.
Of course, we don’t expect him to avoid following women—that would be a ridiculous request.
But it is not unreasonable to expect them to be women he knows or admires in a respectful setting – maybe professionally or even some celebrities (depending on who they are).
He shouldn’t be invested in other women who post nothing but thirst traps on social media when he already has you.
2. Flirting
Let me start by saying, as emotionally as I seem to feel about cheating, I have also been known to overlook flirting.
So, I understand how a flirty smile here or a cheeky compliment there might seem innocent to you, but flirting is one of the most classic micro-cheating moves.
No man who is worth his coin and loves his woman would give room for the smallest of flirting.
Many years ago, I applied for a project management course, and the man who took us for the first class was very good-looking.
I was attracted to him immediately he stepped into the class and gave him a flirty smile.
Guess what he did?
He mentioned immediately that he was married.
He wasn’t wearing a ring, so he said, “I must have forgotten to wear my ring today.” He said other things that I can’t remember now because it’s been a while.
He subtly let me know that he was married, and I respected that, so I often use him as an example when I want to talk about men being intentional.
But what am I driving at?
A man who respects his wife knows how to shut things down even when he is at the receiving end.
That means he won’t be the one flirting in the first place.
So, if he’s constantly charming other women, especially in your absence, he’s clearly looking for attention outside the relationship.
It’s not cute, it’s disrespectful.
And no, “that’s just how I talk” is not an excuse.
If he’s got energy to flirt, he better be using that same energy to gas you up too.
Intent matters, and consistent flirting isn’t friendly; it’s fishy.
3. Complimenting Girls On Social Media
When a man who is micro-cheating is not flirting, he is complimenting girls on social media.
This one really is the worst because why is a guy in a relationship always in other girls’ comment sections saying “hot” or dropping heart eyes?
That’s a big red flag.
There’s a fine line between appreciating someone’s post and going out of your way to publicly drool.
If he’s doing the most on other women’s pictures but can’t even double-tap yours?
Girl, that’s not just micro-cheating; it’s micro-humiliation.
He should be using all that energy, emojis and words on you, not on other women.
4. Monitoring His Ex Closely
I still follow all my exes on social media because the break-ups were often amicable; we didn’t fight, nor were they bad men, we just weren’t compatible.
So, I understand that someone might still be following their exes on social media, but I would never understand following them closely without boundaries.
However, although I follow them, we hardly speak.
I see their posts; I like them sometimes if it resonates with me, and I wish them a happy birthday when they make birthday posts.
But they are not my best friends, and neither do I stalk them on social media.
There is no reason why that should be happening.
If your man is still keeping tabs on his ex—watching her stories religiously, liking her posts, or bringing her up in random conversations—it’s bringing up unfinished business.
Maybe staying curious about an ex is normal to an extent, but being emotionally invested in their every move is not normal behavior.
People don’t only micro-cheat with someone new; it can be someone old who still holds a little too much space in his heart … and his browser history.
5. Keeping You A Secret
If nobody in his life knows he’s in a relationship, you might be getting played, albeit softly.
Sure, some people are private, but there’s a difference between private and hidden.
If he never posts about you, doesn’t introduce you to his friends, or changes the topic when people ask if he’s seeing someone, he’s keeping the door open for options.
A man who’s proud to be with you won’t act like he’s single on purpose.
And if I know something about men, it is that they will flaunt you if they love and respect you.
While they might not do it on social media, they will do it offline.
If none of that is happening, you are seriously getting played, girl.
6. Downplaying Your Relationship
I remember watching a Steve Harvey show where this lady asked him about her boyfriend, who prefers to go by “friend.”
They’ve been dating for close to nine years.
Steve was quick to tell her she was in a one-sided relationship and should quickly remove herself from the situation.
It is sketchy when your man refers to you as “friend” or avoids labeling your relationship.
You shouldn’t tolerate that.
While he might not be outrightly cheating now, this kind of behavior gives him the wiggle room to act single when it’s convenient.
If he’s minimizing what you two have, especially in front of others, he’s creating space to entertain someone else without looking like he’s actually cheating.
7. Comparing You To Other Women
A respectful man is not one who doesn’t find other women attractive or doesn’t see things in you that he would rather you improve.
But he won’t act on his attraction, and he will never compare you to other women.
Rather, he will communicate his desires to you politely.
So, if your man always says, “Why don’t you do your makeup like her?” or “Why don’t you carry yourself like she does?” he’s being inconsiderate and laying the foundation for emotional disconnection.
Micro-cheating can be mental and emotional, and this is one of those times when it is.
A man who’s always measuring you against other women might already be fantasizing about being with someone else.
8. Having Active Profiles On Dating Sites
This one’s a loud red flag dressed as micro-cheating.
There is no reasonable or respectful explanation why a man in a relationship is still swiping on Tinder or has a profile on Bumble.
If you ask me, this has crossed the boundary of micro-cheating to emotional cheating.
There’s absolutely no reason for someone in a committed relationship to still be active on dating apps unless they’re fishing for attention or lining up options.
He might try to gaslight you that he is just doing it for fun, but don’t fall for that.
He needs to make up his mind whether he wants you or prefers the other girls.
9. Going To Events Alone
Sometimes solo outings are fine; he deserves space just like you do.
But if he’s constantly attending weddings, parties, work events alone or attending couple-friendly events without even mentioning them to you, it’s worth raising an eyebrow.
Is he showing up solo just to act single?
Or worse, to spend time with someone he’s not telling you about?
This is one of those times when private relationships and secret relationships differ.
Why is he leaving you out of his public life?
Is it because he’s entertaining something or someone on the side?
It is worth asking.