Before I got married, I heard someone say that marriage would teach you incredible things about yourself that you didn’t know before.
She further went on to say, it will expose your traumas and true character, and you will be surprised by some of the things you are capable of.
Now, although I thought that was profound, it didn’t hit me as much until I got married.
I am a strong advocate of learning from others’ experiences; however, there are some experiences whose weight you cannot fully comprehend until you experience them yourself.
Marriage is one of such.
Yes, you should know enough about the institution before getting into it – plan for the marriage as you are planning for your wedding day.
But still, there are certain things you will likely not know about marriage, your spouse, and yourself until after the wedding.
Please bear in mind that my intention is not to scare you off marriage; I just don’t want you to go into it with rose-colored glasses.
Make sure to choose right and make sure to prepare yourself, but also expect to learn a lot.
Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get right to the business of the day.
Marriage Will Expose These 7 Things About You
1. Your True Values
Before marriage, I knew the things that mattered to me, and I believe you do too.
It will be dishonest to say you won’t know your values before marriage.
As far as you got married as an adult, you do know some things about yourself.
For instance, you likely know whether or not you want children and whether or not faith in God matters to you.
Therefore, be sure to consider these factors when selecting a spouse.
However, I put it to you that despite that, when you get married, marriage will hand you a mirror and show you what’s really important.
For instance, I used to think my love language was gift-giving, but then marriage taught me that a hands-on husband was more important to me than one who gave me gifts.
I could live without the gifts, but I wanted someone who helped me in the kitchen.
When I discovered that, instead of growing resentful, I quickly sat my husband down to let him know the new development.
Of course, he was shocked because, since he had known me, I had always said gifts were number one.
However, he adjusted to the change, which is why you need to ensure you marry the right person.
I say that to say, marriage will teach you what’s a priority in your life.
It will help you determine whether you prioritize family time or if you actually crave a lot of independence.
In fact, it even shows some women that they don’t actually love kids; they just thought they did.
And it shows some others that they love children more than they thought they did.
So, you never know; marriage just has a way of peeling back all the layers and revealing what truly sits at the core of who you are.
This is not necessarily a bad thing, though, as long as both of you already expect changes and don’t paint them negatively.
If you can communicate about it and see it as a chance to grow, you will be fine.
2. Your Character
I know someone who was easy-going all their life; they could live with the devil and have no issue with them.
But they got married to find out they could be combative.
Like my friend, you will find out your real character because marriage will test your patience, kindness, humility, and even your temper.
It will reveal whether you’re someone who forgives or holds grudges, and whether you face problems head-on or try to avoid them.
I will explain this later, but it is easy to relate to people, and they don’t touch the core of who you are because you may put them emotionally at arm’s length.
However, you can’t do that in marriage.
The daily closeness of married life leaves no room for fakeness; you and your partner will see the real you, flaws and all.
It’s a seriously humbling experience to see that you are not as good as you thought you were, but it is also a beautiful one when you see your strength.
All in all, when you’re both honest about who you are, you get to build something real, not just mushy.
3. Your Communication Style
If you think you’re a great communicator, marriage will confirm it.
It’s easy to talk when things are good, but what about during conflict?
Do you shut down, explode, or stay calm and open?
And do you actually listen or just wait to respond?
Now, you may say that you’ve had conflicts while dating and think this doesn’t apply to you, but you would be wrong to think so.
This is because you have yet to have your biggest conflict until you start living as one.
Even if you were living together before marriage, the expectations of husband and wife will always trump those of boyfriend and girlfriend.
When you have those disagreements that really matter, you will be exposed to how you handle tough conversations, how you express your needs, and how you resolve disagreements.
It’ll also show if you’re more of a texter or talker, and whether that’s working for your spouse.
Ultimately, marriage can make you learn communication if you are open to it.
4. Your Financial Habits
This is one thing that you may already know before you get married; it just gets escalated in marriage because you are now accountable to someone else.
For instance, you may already know that you are a spender or a saver before marriage.
But you might not know the gravity of it until someone puts the mirror before you.
You may be a spender now and think it will be easy to change when you get married, but then you find out how difficult it is for you to change.
Marriage will really show you your mindset around money.
It will show you if you are someone who avoids budgeting or if you are transparent about your spending.
It will also reveal whether you are a team player when it comes to financial goals, or if you prefer to ride solo.
As we all know, money is powerful, so it can cause tension.
But you can get past it if you see it as an avenue to learn about trust, priorities, and planning.
5. Your Commitment To Personal Growth
Although marriage is a union where you grow together, you also grow individually.
And that means that one person can outgrow the other if you are not moving together.
Marriage will show you if you are willing to work on your flaws, take feedback, and evolve.
Or you get defensive and are stuck in your ways.
It will show you how committed you are to doing your part to grow for the greater good.
A healthy marriage constantly nudges you to be better, and you will know, truly, how much you like that, especially with an accountability partner right beside you.
6. Your Traumas
We all carry baggage that may not be exposed until we get married.
Some traumas show up in relationships, some stay hidden until marriage.
Marriage will show the impact of past betrayals, childhood wounds, and whether or not you have abandonment issues.
You will see them in how you love, react, and protect yourself, or even your propensity to self-sabotage.
Marriage will bring your triggers to the surface, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
You just need to give room to understand how your experiences shaped you and begin to heal with your partner’s support.
7. Your Propensity For Codependence Or Interdependence
Yes, marriage is a union where two people have to become one, but it doesn’t mean you should be codependent, whereby your whole existence is determined by your spouse.
Instead, couples should be interdependent where they rely on each other, are accountable to each other, but can stand as a whole being alone.
When you get married, you will know if you are someone who always needs someone around to feel whole.
Or if you love your spouse and enjoy their presence in your life, but they are not the reason for your existence.
There is a thin line between these two, and it will take a lot of self-awareness to see where you stand.
However, it is something that marriage can help you see and work on, if you are willing to grow from the knowledge.
Final Thoughts
There are two things about marriage that makes it touch our core and bring out the best or worst in people.
Firstly, marriage is a union that demands the meshing of two completely different souls.
For that mesh to work well, each party has to let go of certain things to fit perfectly like two pieces of a puzzle.
That letting go is what scares most people, especially when they feel like they are sacrificing more.
The second thing is that marriage has a sense of finality that also scares you, because it means you need to ensure you are fine with your partner’s strengths and weaknesses for the rest of your life.
So, people fight harder because they want to make sure their partner fits that image that they can live with, which causes a clash between the two.
Again, this is not to scare you; marriage is beautiful when done right.
I have a happy marriage, and I know many who do.
You just need to be self-aware and be ready to face and fight your demons while your partner is doing theirs for the sake of the union.