Do you constantly argue and fight with your spouse whenever you try to communicate?
Are you always fighting and bickering at each other for the littlest to the biggest things?
This article is for you.
Effective communication is the fuel for every good relationship, and it’s important to learn how to communicate with your spouse without fighting.
Without good communication, your relationship is in danger, and things can easily fall apart.
However, if communication is poorly done, the purpose is defeated, and you do not achieve anything good.
If communication with your partner always leads to fights and arguments, something is wrong.
If you find yourself fighting with your partner every time you try to communicate, it is a sign that you are doing something wrong.
It may be one of you or both of you.
The interesting thing about relationships is that one person’s negative contribution can frustrate the other’s positive effort.
Thus, you or your spouse can be the reason for this challenge.
It is also possible that both of you are getting it wrong.
Once you have detected this problem, you need to seek the solution with a willing heart, ready to change.
If habits and mindsets are not changed, there will be no improvement in your relationship.
So, even before searching for a solution, you and your spouse must first be willing to make adjustments and changes where necessary.
The tips below will show you how to communicate with your spouse without fighting.
They are effective tips when applied strictly.
How To Communicate With Your Spouse Without Fighting
1) Do Not Raise Your Voice
Avoid raising your voice when communicating with your spouse, no matter how upset or frustrated you get.
When you raise your voice, you communicate anger and violence to your spouse, and you make them feel small.
The result is that they are likely to respond to you similarly.
Imbibe the habit of speaking in calm and low notes, getting your points across without shouting.
Shouting or yelling never does the job.
To get your point across to your spouse, talking gently will give you a better result than raising your voice.
And if a fight is what you’re trying to avoid, avoid raising your voice first.
Even if your spouse raises their voice for some reason, you can choose to be the emotionally intelligent one and respond calmly.
A soft answer is likely to turn anger away and prevent a fight.
2) Be Kind
We love our partners.
Unfortunately, many times, we forget to be kind to them.
When communicating with your partner and you begin to get upset or annoyed, you must remember that this is a person you love and choose to be with.
Remember that they love you too, that the issue is only temporary, and that you are on the same team.
Remembering these should spur you to be kind to your spouse, including in sensitive moments.
We are quick to be kind to strangers and friends, but sometimes, we do not remember that our spouses deserve kindness too.
More kindness in your communication is sure to take the fights away.
Be intentional about being kind to your partner during every conversation.
3) Choose Your Words
If you are wondering how to communicate with your spouse without fighting, you must pay some attention to your words.
Being kind to your spouse starts with your choice of words.
Choose your words carefully.
Go for kind and welcoming words and eschew abrasive and challenging words.
One word can be the difference between a peaceful conversation and a huge fight.
Pay attention to your words if you want to learn how to communicate with your spouse without fighting.
4) Listen To Understand And Not Respond
Communication is not a challenge; you must stop seeing it as one.
The aim of communication is better understanding; therefore, listening is crucial.
When you listen to respond, you’re likely to miss what your spouse is trying to communicate and only pick the mistakes or unpleasant things they say.
This will make you capitalize on the wrong and attack your spouse too.
Instead of listening to respond, listen to understand them.
This is called active listening.
It means fully focusing on your spouse and what they are saying and not interrupting or thinking about what you will say next.
5) Be Slow To Speak And Quick To Listen
To communicate with your spouse without fighting, one of the sacrifices you will have to make is not being hasty to speak.
Be more interested in listening to your partner’s points completely first.
Respond only after they have finished speaking and are ready to listen to you.
Interrupting them will only lead to a fight.
6) Be More Logical
Your emotions must take the back seat if you want to avoid fights.
Letting your emotions take the wheel will lead to chaos and fights.
Emotions are a huge part of relationships.
However, they shouldn’t always be what drives us.
Sometimes, our emotions are misleading and make us lose touch with reality.
Listen to your partner with your brain and not your heart.
Sometimes, your partner may be making sense, but your emotions will blind you from seeing it.
7) Never Use Insulting Words
You and your spouse must be disciplined and commit to never using abusive and insulting words, even in uncomfortable conversations.
The use of abusive language is a surefire way to ignite a fight.
8. Set Aside a Specific Time to Talk
Setting aside a specific time to talk can be like scheduling a “date night” for your relationship.
Just like how you would plan a special evening out with your spouse, you can also plan a dedicated time to have a meaningful conversation at home, especially if the subject of discussion is sensitive.
This creates a sense of intentionality and importance around your communication.
For example, let’s say you and your spouse have been feeling disconnected lately.
You could suggest setting aside a regular weekly “communication date” where you both put your phones away and spend at least 30 minutes talking about anything on your minds.
You could light some candles, pour yourselves a glass of wine, and really make an effort to create a special atmosphere for your conversation.
By setting this time aside, you’re showing each other that you value your relationship and want to make an effort to strengthen your connection.
9. Use “I” Statements Instead of “You”
Using “I” statements instead of “you” statements is like giving your spouse a verbal hug.
When you use “I” statements, you’re expressing your own feelings and needs without attacking your spouse.
This helps to de-escalate conflicts and create a more positive and understanding atmosphere in your communication.
If your spouse comes home late, and you’re feeling frustrated and neglected.
Instead of saying, “You never think about my feelings. You’re always late, and it’s so disrespectful,” you could say, “I feel hurt and unsupported when you come home late without letting me know. I need more communication and consideration in our relationship.”
By using “I” statements, you’re sharing your perspective and expressing your needs in a way that is more likely to be heard and understood by your spouse.
They may not realize how their actions are impacting you, and using “I” statements can help to open the door for a more productive conversation.
10. Take Breaks if Things Start to Get Heated
It’s okay to agree to disagree and return to the conversation when you both feel calmer.
Just like you pause a movie or TV show if you need a break, you can also take a break from a difficult conversation if it’s getting too intense or emotional.
This can give you both a chance to regroup, cool down, and return to the conversation with a clearer head.
May you and your spouse are having a disagreement about finances.
Things are getting heated, and you’re both starting to raise your voices.
Instead of letting the argument escalate, you could suggest taking a break.
You could say something like, “I think we both need a moment to cool down. Can we take a 20-minute break and come back to this conversation when we’re both feeling more level-headed?”
By taking a break, you’re giving yourselves an opportunity to reset and approach the conversation with a more positive mindset.
When you come back to the conversation, you may be better able to find a compromise or solution that works for both of you.
Take a break if need be!
11. Seek Help
Yep, seek help.
Seeking help from a therapist or counselor is a valuable resource if you’re having a hard time communicating with your spouse and resolving conflicts.
A therapist or counselor can provide a neutral and safe space for you to explore your thoughts and feelings and work on improving your communication and problem-solving skills.
They can also help you to identify any underlying issues or patterns in your relationship that may be contributing to your conflicts and provide you with tools and strategies for resolving them.
Seeking help from a professional is beneficial if you’re feeling stuck in unhealthy communication patterns or dealing with more serious issues that are impacting your relationship.
No relationship is perfect, and arguments are normal in healthy relationships.
However, they should not be frequent or cause fights.
A relationship where the two parties can not communicate without fighting is unhealthy and needs attention.
When you and your spouse apply the tips above, your communication will be more effective and healthy.