”My husband says mean things about my family.”
It is heartbreaking when your spouse, the man you love and want to spend your life with, disrespects what’s most important in your life: family.
When you catch your husband saying mean things about your family, it can knock the wind out of you.
Even if he’s unaware that he’s doing it, this is a very painful form of emotional abuse.
It can be even more devastating when he does this in front of other people or children.
It’s hard to know how to react when your husband says mean things about your family.
While some things may be simply said in anger, there are times when this is a pattern and your husband’s words reflect his true feelings about you and your family.
They are hurtful and personal.
No one deserves to be talked to that way and it is painful, especially if you love him as much as you love them.
You may feel like it’s all going downhill from there and that it will never get better.
In this blog post, we’ll discuss what to do when a husband says mean things about a wife’s family.
Husband Says Mean Things About My Family: How To Respond
1. You Are Not Alone
First of all, remember that you are not alone.
Many women have been in this situation, and many have come out of it to become happier people.
I don’t mean to sound insensitive or oversimplify your situation but just to give you hope and comfort.
If others have experienced the same and gotten positive results, you too can.
2. Figure Out Why He’s Saying These Things
You have a right to be upset if your husband is verbally abusive towards your family.
And when your husband says mean things about your family, there’s usually a reason behind his comments and actions, even if he doesn’t realize it.
Talk to him about why he’s feeling this way.
Is it because he feels inadequate?
Is he ashamed of the family?
Does he dislike the fact that you’re closer to your family than he is to his?
Is he threatened by you?
It could be that he’s just frustrated with some things going on in his own life, and he’s taking it out on you and your family.
Or maybe he’s just acting out of habit and toxic behavior is all he knows.
That doesn’t excuse him for what he said or did, but it does explain why he did it, which makes it easier to forgive him and move on from there.
Try to talk to him calmly and see if you can get to the root of the problem.
It’ll take a lot of self-reflection and honesty on your part to figure out what’s really going on here, but it will make a big difference in how you handle it.
Trying to handle this in the heat of the moment rarely works.
So you need to approach this calmly and rationally, so as not to provoke him further or give him any reason to take offense at what you’re saying.
Be sure to let him know: You can’t control what he says when he’s upset, but you don’t want any more hurtful comments about your family in front of your kids.
Telling him that what he’s saying is hurtful might not make him stop if he’s doing it on purpose.
However, it is important that you tell him how his words are making you feel.
He needs to understand how his words affect you and your family members.
If he continues to say what is said, don’t respond right away.
Take some time and think about what you’re going to do before doing anything rash that could cause more issues in the long run for your relationship with him.
3. Set Boundaries
A lot of women make excuses for their husbands when they talk like this.
They think that they are just venting and that they don’t mean what they are saying.
However, there is a difference between venting and being mean.
It is okay for him to talk about his feelings, but it is not okay for him to talk about yours or anyone else’s family in a negative way.
If your husband continues to say mean things about your family even after you’ve talked to him, it might be time to set some boundaries.
Setting boundaries is key in any type of relationship, but especially so when you are dealing with abuse.
Boundaries let the other person know what is and isn’t acceptable to us and what we will and won’t put up with.
When it comes to boundaries in abusive relationships, they can be tricky because, on one hand, we want to set them high so that the abuser will realize what he has to change in order for us to stay while on the other hand, we don’t want him so angry that he lashes out and hurts us.
Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud and John Townsend will teach you all you should know about setting boundaries in marriage.
I’ve read it, so I highly recommend it.
4. Try Not To Take What He Says Personally
We have all heard the saying “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”
But in reality, it is not true.
Words can hurt as much as sticks and stones can.
When someone says something hurtful, it hurts because we cannot control what they say.
However, once we realize that the things people say about us are their issues, not ours, then we do have a little bit of control over how we react to them.
What you need to remember is that people who make nasty comments about your family are usually just jealous, envious, insecure, or projecting their own issues onto you.
They want to see you fail so that they don’t feel so bad about themselves.
The best way to deal with them is to ignore them completely because the moment you give their words power over you is the moment their words become a self-fulfilling prophecy for you.
So if someone says something negative about your family, don’t take it personally, just remember that they are really just telling you what they think, and not the truth about your family.
5. Talk to Someone Who Can Help You
This might be a friend, therapist, or family member.
They will be able to provide an unbiased perspective and may have some advice on how to deal with the situation.
Venting to someone who loves and supports you can help you feel better and may even give you some insight on how to deal with the situation.