I won’t lie to you, sis.
Not getting closure from someone you loved is an emotional torture.
It’s like you’re stuck in a loop; replaying memories, overanalyzing conversations, holding on to the hope that if you just understand what went wrong, the pain will stop.
And most times, you’re not even looking for him to come back.
You just want him to explain.
You want to hear why.
Why did he leave?
Why did he ghost you after all those promises?
Why did he say he loved you only to treat you like you were nothing?
That’s what we call closure.
So, what exactly is closure?
Closure is that emotional resolution or clarity we believe we need after something ends, especially a relationship.
It’s that final piece of the puzzle that makes the heartbreak make sense.
You think if you can just talk to him one more time, if he can just say why he left, if he can just admit what he did wrong, maybe… just maybe… your heart will settle.
That’s what you believe.
That’s what we crave.
Because uncertainty feels worse than the pain itself.
And I get it.
But sometimes, closure is not a gift he gives you. It’s something you give yourself.
You Don’t Need Closure from Him. Do This Instead
Why?
1. He’s not going to tell you the truth anyway
If a man couldn’t be honest with you while he had your heart, what makes you think he’ll suddenly find the courage to be honest after breaking it?
No.. tell me.
Because many women wait months, even years, for a conversation that will never happen.
And when it finally does?
It’s disappointing.
He doesn’t tell you what you need to hear.
He tells you what protects him; things like:
“You’re too good for me.”
“I wasn’t ready.”
‘‘It’s not you, it’s me.”
“I didn’t want to hurt you.”
You and I know those are not truths; they are exit lines.
Let me give you a real-life example.
A friend of mine dated a guy for three years.
They made plans.
Introduced each other to family.
One morning, he just stopped calling.
Blocked her everywhere.
She was devastated.
He moved out of his house.
When she reached out to his family and friends, they claimed they didn’t know his whereabouts.
I told her he’s met someone else; she disagreed.
Because I don’t understand why anybody in their right senses would do this to someone they loved.
Months later, she ran into him at a wedding and asked, “Why did you disappear like that?”
Guess what he said.
“I didn’t know how to end it… I didn’t want to hurt you.”
Really?
Like seriously?
And just like that, he walked away again.
When people know they messed up, they rarely come back with the truth.
They come back with damage control.
So even if he gives you an explanation, it won’t fix the ache.
It won’t undo the sleepless nights or suddenly make you feel whole.
So sis, ask yourself:
Do you really want the truth?
Or are you just hoping the truth will sound like “I made a mistake, and I miss you”?
Because let me warn you, if it doesn’t, it’ll only break you all over again.
2. Closure is not a conversation. It’s a decision.
We often think closure is about him and what he needs to say, what he needs to admit, or what he needs to apologise for.
What if I told you that real closure doesn’t come from a mouth that lied to you, it comes from a heart that’s finally tired of breaking?
Let that sink in.
Conversations don’t heal people.
Decisions do.
Closure is not waiting for someone to finally tell you the truth.
It’s not sitting by your phone, hoping he’ll do the right thing.
It’s not checking if he’s viewed your status or liked your post as some kind of unspoken olive branch.
Closure is that quiet but firm moment you say to yourself:
“I may never get the answers. But I refuse to keep bleeding just because he won’t hand me a bandage.”
It’s you choosing to move forward, even though your questions are still hanging in the air, and making peace with the fact that some endings won’t come with explanations.
Have you ever read a book that ended so abruptly you had to flip the pages back and forth to be sure you didn’t miss something?
That’s what heartbreak without closure feels like.
But you don’t need a final talk.
You need a final decision.
And that decision is this:
“I deserve peace, even if I never get the apology.”
Let that be your closure.
3. Stop trying to make sense of nonsense
I can’t imagine how exhausting it is trying to make sense of nonsense.
Because no matter how hard you try, some things will never make sense.
Why would someone say they love you and then ghost you?
Why lead you on for years if they knew they didn’t want anything serious?
See?
Doesn’t make sense.
And that’s because nonsense doesn’t come with logic.
But you know what we do as women?
We try to fill in the gaps with explanations.
“Maybe he’s going through something…”
“Maybe I was too much.”
“Maybe I should have just waited a little longer.”
Sis, no.
It’s not your job to figure it out.
Let me tell you what happens when you keep trying to understand someone who treated you poorly:
- You overthink yourself into sadness.
- You reframe their bad behaviour into something that sounds romantic (“He was just scared of how much he loved me. ” No, he wasn’t.).
- You delay your healing while waiting for a breakthrough that may never come.
Sometimes the truth is simple and ugly:
He was careless with your heart.
He didn’t value you the way you deserved.
And he didn’t even have the decency to explain why.
Does that hurt? Yes.
But will dragging yourself through a mental maze fix it? No.
The freedom comes when you stop trying to interpret someone else’s immaturity like it’s a complicated mystery.
It’s not that deep.
He didn’t love well.
You did.
You don’t need to figure out his ‘why’.
What you need is to choose your how:
How do I move on?
How do I reclaim myself?
How do I stop trying to make sense of someone who couldn’t even communicate like an adult?
Answer those questions.
That’s where your healing lives.
4. Redirect the questions inward
I’ve always believed self-awareness is one of the most important skills anyone can have.
Because no matter what anybody tells you, you are the only one who truly lives with your thoughts, your choices, and your truth.
And when it comes to relationships, especially the ones that end abruptly or painfully, it’s easy to get stuck asking the wrong questions:
“Why did he leave me?”
“Why wasn’t I enough?”
“Did I do something wrong?”
Sis, I get it.
You’re not asking because you’re weak; you’re asking because you care.
Because you gave your heart with good intentions, and you can’t understand how someone could mishandle something so precious.
Instead of asking questions that keep you stuck in confusion, start asking questions that lead you back to clarity and growth.
Flip the script.
- Instead of “Why did he leave me?”, ask:
“Why did I stay so long when I wasn’t being treated right?” - Instead of “Did I mean nothing to him?”, ask:
“Why did I keep giving so much to someone who kept withdrawing?” - Instead of “Was I too emotional?”, ask:
“Why did I keep suppressing my needs to keep the peace?”
Do you see the shift?
These are not questions to blame yourself.
These are questions to reclaim your power.
When you redirect the questions inward, you start healing on a deeper level.
You stop chasing closure and start choosing self-respect.
When you get curious about your own patterns, you stop romanticising their bad behaviour.
5. Write the ending yourself
A woman once shared how she sent a long, emotional message to her ex, hoping for closure.
She told him how much he hurt her, how she didn’t deserve what he did, how all she needed was the truth.
His response?
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
Wow!
Can you imagine?
All her pain, reduced to a line so cold it could freeze your lungs.
That day, she realised the closure she was waiting for would never come from him, so she wrote it herself.
She stopped checking his socials.
She stopped fantasising about what could’ve been.
She blocked the number, burned the journal, cut her hair, and started over.
Not because she didn’t care anymore, but because she finally cared about herself more.
That’s what writing your own ending looks like.
So, you are allowed to end the story without his permission.
You don’t need his version or his apology.
You don’t need him to sit across from you with sad eyes and say, “I messed up.”
Would that be nice? Maybe.
Would it heal you? Not really.
Healing doesn’t come from someone else’s guilt.
It comes from your decision to move forward anyway.
A lot of women stay stuck in emotional limbo, waiting for the talk that’ll finally bring peace.
You know, the one where he tells the truth, owns up to everything, maybe even cries, and says you didn’t deserve what he did.
If wishes were horses….
What if that talk never comes?
What if he never acknowledges the hurt he caused?
What if he never even looks back?
Don’t give anyone the pen to your peace.
Write the ending yourself.
I don’t mean write an angry letter or draft a revenge plot.
I mean choose an ending where you walk away with your dignity.
6. Block. Mute. Delete. Not out of hate, but for healing.
I’ve read people on social media say that blocking someone means you are immature or petty.
Lies!
Blocking someone doesn’t make you petty.
Muting them doesn’t mean you’re bitter, and deleting their number isn’t childish.
It’s called protecting your peace.
It’s psychologically damaging to constantly see updates from someone who broke your heart.
You cannot heal from someone you’re still tracking online.
He doesn’t need access to your life.
Not anymore.
He gave up that right the moment he stopped treating your heart like it mattered.
And no, you don’t owe him a warning.
You don’t need to text him, “Hey, I’m blocking you for my mental health, please don’t take it personally.” Yen yen yen.
You may be thinking, “But what if he reaches out later?”
Let him reach out to the air.
Let his messages bounce.
Let him feel the absence of access.
Because you can’t say you’re moving on while still leaving the door open “just in case.”
So block him, not because you’re angry, but because you’re healing.
Mute him, because your peace is too fragile for reminders.
You’re not erasing the past by deleting his number, but because you’re choosing not to live in the past.
It will feel weird at first.
But silence has a beautiful way of clearing space for clarity.
7. Closure from him won’t fix the ache. But choosing you will.
Okay, even if he sat you down and told you everything…
The real reason he left, the lies he told, the other woman, the parts he hated about himself, the shame he carried, you’d still feel the ache.
Closure from him can’t erase the memories.
It can’t undo the time you invested.
It can’t give you back the moments where you were left questioning your worth.
Closure won’t heal what you haven’t yet chosen to release.
And that’s why you must choose you.
Choose you when your mind starts replaying the good times and tries to romanticize what was never healthy.
Choose you when you’re tempted to reach out just for one more talk.
Choose you when loneliness makes you think maybe he wasn’t that bad…
Choosing you is not a one-time act.
It’s a discipline.
The ache might linger for a while.
That’s part of being human.
But do you know what also lingers?
The glow that comes from emotional clarity.
The power that returns the moment you stop needing someone else’s permission to move on.
You are the closure!!!
Your healing is not waiting for him to come back.
It’s waiting for you to come back. To yourself.
So come home, queen.
Choose you.
Choose peace.
I’m rooting for you!