If you read the title of this post, don’t assume this post is about blaming women for being disrespected.
Nah. A man who disrespects his woman is to blame.
But men, even good men, respond to what is tolerated.
This is not even about being difficult or anything, but understanding that how you respond to disrespect teaches people how to treat you.
If you recognize yourself in any of these, no shame. You can always decide, starting today, to teach him something different.
If You Do These 6 Things, You’re Teaching Him To Disrespect You
1. You accept apologies without changed behavior
If you’ve ever heard that a true apology is changed behavior, please believe it.
Any fool can say sorry. It requires just two syllables and a slightly remorseful face.
But a man who apologizes and genuinely repents is #goals.
That’s a man who doesn’t just say he’s sorry, but shows you he’s sorry by never doing the same thing again. Or at least trying not to.
Even the Bible is clear on this. Whoever covers his sin shall not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes it shall have mercy.
Confesses AND forsakes. Not confesses and repeats.
Now, let me be fair and say that just because a man respects you doesn’t mean he won’t misbehave sometimes.
Good men make mistakes. Nobody is asking for perfection, but you must see progress.
Evidence that the apology meant something.
But if he hurts you, and apologizes, and you forgive, then he does it again, and you keep accepting sorry without requiring change, you’re teaching him that sorry is enough.
And a man who knows sorry is always enough will never feel the pressure to do better.
2. You make yourself too available at the expense of your own life
Of course, you should be available.
If you want a good relationship or marriage, you can’t be a ghost in your own relationship.
But there is available, and then there is canceling your plans the moment he calls, abandoning your friendships, your hobbies, your goals, and your whole individual life until your entire existence has been rearranged around him.
And you did it out of love. That’s the painful part. You did it because you wanted to be a good partner.
But what excessive availability to a man removes your mystery and value, because people, including the ones who love us, have a tendency to take for granted what is always there.
A woman with her own life is attractive in a way that has nothing to do with physical appearance.
She is interesting. She is not waiting for him to give meaning to her life.
That alone commands respect.
3. You always forgive too quickly without accountability
They say forgiveness is what you do for yourself, not for the other person.
And that’s true. Holding onto bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick.
Also, no relationship can survive without forgiveness.
However, forgiveness without accountability is just permission.
Women who forgive too quickly because conflict is uncomfortable, or because they don’t want him to be upset with them, rob him of the consequence of his actions.
A man who always gets a quick exit from accountability will never develop the internal pressure to do better.
Why would he?
Yes, forgive him for your own peace, but don’t rush it.
Let him feel the weight of what needs fixing before you lift it. That’s how people change.
4. You threaten to leave and never do
It’s better not to make threats or give ultimatums you’re not prepared to follow through on.
You keep saying ‘I’m done’ but never leave.
So he knows that your leaving is not a real possibility.
A man who knows you’re not going anywhere will stop working to make you want to stay.
I’m not saying to leave your marriage over every disagreement.
Marriage requires staying power and the willingness to work through hard seasons.
I’m talking about when a woman repeatedly announces she is at her limit and then demonstrates that she has no limit.
Just as children stop listening when they know there are no consequences, so do husbands.
If you are unhappy, have tough conversations and set boundaries with consequences you are prepared to enforce.
But if you’re not leaving, don’t say you’re leaving.
Your words are either currency or they’re noise.
Decide which one you want them to be.
5. You do everything for him and leave nothing for yourself
Some of us women are such natural givers that we don’t even notice when we’ve given ourselves away completely.
I’m one myself.
The instinct to provide and make sure everyone around you is comfortable is beautiful.
It’s also dangerous if you don’t learn to manage it.
You cook, clean, manage the home, raise the children, support his dreams, show up for his family, and forget about yourself.
And the man on the receiving end of all this giving gets comfortable because people adjust to what is consistently offered without complaint.
When you do everything and say nothing, you teach him that everything is fine.
Meanwhile, everything is not fine.
You’re depleted, pouring from a cup that nobody is refilling.
Give him your love and your support, but leave something for yourself.
A woman who is full has so much more to offer than one who is empty and pretending otherwise.
6. You allow him to speak to you anyhow and explain it away
You may not be able to control how a man speaks to you, but you can absolutely control what you accept.
Some women can tolerate any tone, and they wonder why he doesn’t respect them.
He speaks to you like you’re a child, cuts you off mid-sentence, talks over you, raises his voice at you, and you say he didn’t mean it like that.
Babe. He meant it exactly like that!
Stop excusing nonsense!
Every time you absorb disrespect without response, you tell him can speak to me this way, and nothing will change.
The standard you walk past is the standard you set.
Women who are treated well in their marriages are women who have decided firmly what they would and would not accept.
Who loved their husbands fully and still held a standard. That is self-respect in action.
And self-respect, more than anything else, is what teaches a man how to treat you.