The world is full of so many fascinating people.
I realized this early in life.
As a kid, I had issues understanding love.
Part of my indoctrination was the idea that love is a special feeling you only feel for a few people.
So, I couldn’t explain my feelings towards several girls as a teenager.
I couldn’t call it love because love was meant to be special, but I knew I was attracted to more than one female at a time.
This got me worried.
I was worried about how I would be able to be married to someone forever without ever being disloyal if I could “like” five girls at a time.
Now, I believe that I understand love a lot better.
Love is a beautiful feeling – simple yet complex.
It is what keeps us committed to one person in a world full of fascinating people.
But does it stop you from feeling attracted to other people?
No, it doesn’t.
Attraction is a natural human experience.
It doesn’t automatically shut off the day you say, “I do.”
Marriage and love don’t make you blind to other people’s attractive qualities.
It just asks you to make a choice – a choice you must keep making “till death do you part.”
It may feel a little complicated, but stay with me as we examine the reason a man can love his wife but still be attracted to other women.
You must note that while we are focusing on men, these reasons are not particularly gender specific.
“Can A Man Love His Wife And Still Be Attracted To Someone Else?”– 5 Things To Consider
1. Love and attraction are not the same
Let’s clarify something important before proceeding…
Love and attraction are not the same.
Comparing the two is like saying the antenna of a snail is the same as a bull’s horn.
Love is a deep, enduring connection built on trust, respect, and shared experiences.
You don’t just fall in love with anyone from the first time you lay your eyes on them.
Yeah, I know the line, “From the first day I set my eyes on you, I fell in love with you.”
I have even used it myself.
However, it doesn’t make it real.
Now, don’t get me wrong…
You felt something the first day you set your eyes on her.
It just wasn’t love.
What you felt was an attraction.
Attraction is that immediate visceral reaction you get when you come across a fascinating person.
There is this “magnetic field” drawing you to the person.
That “magnetic field” is attraction, and you don’t need to be in love to feel it.
A man can love his wife deeply and still feel that spark of attraction for another woman.
It doesn’t reduce his love for his wife.
It just shows that human emotions are much more complex than we really realize.
What he does with this attraction determines whether he is totally committed to the marriage or just wants to eat his cake and have it.
Most affairs start with people feeling attracted to each other and nurturing the attraction instead of dealing with it effectively.
2. His wife can’t fulfill all his needs and desires
Today, I will be exposing a myth that most of us believe in.
It is a myth because it truly doesn’t exist.
This myth romanticizes finding your “one and only”—the person who fulfills all your needs and desires.
The truth is that such a person doesn’t exist.
From a purely spiritual perspective, the only person that can do this is God.
And no human being is God, right?
So, we can agree that no one can fulfill a person’s needs and desires singlehandedly.
You can’t be everything to your partner, no matter how hard you try.
A man might feel intellectually stimulated by a colleague in ways his wife can’t even comprehend.
This is not even because you are not intelligent.
You may just be interested in other things.
Sometimes, I see people talking about politics, mentioning names and dates.
It is nice, but it really doesn’t move me.
I like to talk about books instead.
I love to talk about plots, themes, and flaws in writing.
If I have a wife who is not interested in this sort of discussion, it is a need that she can’t satisfy.
This doesn’t mean she isn’t a great wife.
A man can also be physically attracted to someone else and emotionally connected to a friend while still loving his wife deeply.
This doesn’t mean he is unhappy in his marriage.
He is simply experiencing the full spectrum of human interactions.
If he doesn’t act on that physical attraction, it either dies a natural death, or he smothers it to death.
Either way, he must still act out of love for his wife.
3. He is looking for something new
Humans are wired to seek novelty.
We want to do new things.
It’s why we try new foods, travel to new places, get involved in new hobbies, and even binge-watch new TV series.
This also applies to relationships.
This is why things go so smoothly at the beginning of every relationship.
The newness of everything is such an exciting experience.
Give the whole thing time, and that feeling begins to wear off.
It is at this point that we will truly discover if we are in love.
If it is love, the relationship matures, and couples remain committed to each other even if the initial excitement seems to be fading away.
It doesn’t mean that they don’t find other people attractive during this period.
But what they do is make a choice to remain committed to their marriage.
Men can get attracted to a new and exciting lady.
You meet someone really interesting, and you just want to continue talking to them.
That’s a form of attraction.
However, this doesn’t mean that it can and should go beyond just having interesting conversations.
This is where clearly defined boundaries are needed.
To keep mild attraction from mutating into something far more dangerous for your relationship.
4. He is attracted to an idealized version of her
Several years ago, I met a lady for the first time, and I felt like I was in love.
I couldn’t take my eyes off her for the entire period, and when she walked up to me to say “hello,” I stuttered and stumbled over my words.
That was the day our friendship was forged.
I still felt that attraction to her for the first month.
After that, I realized I was attracted to an idealized version of her.
When I first met her, I wasn’t close enough to know her beyond the public aura she carried.
By the time I got to know her well, I realized that my attraction was gone.
I didn’t regret being friends with her, but I also didn’t want to be more than friends at that point.
To be honest, fantasy plays an important role in attraction.
It’s easy to idealize someone when you don’t have to deal with their quirks, flaws, or morning breath.
When you get exposed to all of these, you may realize that what you feel is not love.
Men who truly love their wives love them despite their quirks and flaws.
They have seen their wives’ imperfections and still decided to love them.
This is why love is greater than attraction.
Attraction can never be without any strings attached.
5. Some forms of attraction are harmless
Not all attractions are harmful.
I could be attracted to someone because of their intellectual abilities and their ability to discuss matters easily.
This doesn’t necessarily translate into an attraction that could be potentially dangerous to your relationship.
We all have friends, and I must say that we all gravitated towards each other because of some form of attraction.
I met a particular lady for the first time who left a strong impression on me that day.
I was in a foul mood, so I wasn’t even in the mood to notice if she was beautiful.
I just wanted to be done with classes.
When she approached me and greeted me, I responded so rudely that even my friends were shocked and had to apologize on my behalf.
Well, by the next day, I was feeling repentant.
I knew I should never have been rude to her.
She wasn’t the cause of my predicaments; she was even trying to be nice and polite.
I made up my mind to apologize to her as soon as I met her.
So, when I saw her, I walked towards her to apologize, but I was shocked.
She smiled at me, and even before I could apologize, she spoke to me like I hadn’t been rude to her just the other day.
That was the day our friendship was forged.
I was attracted to her ability to forgive so easily.
I liked the fact that she was always smiling even when school was choking the life out of us.
I liked that she always encouraged me even when I was totally tired.
I was attracted to certain qualities in her, which made me want to be friends with her.
The attraction to her was harmless.
In the same way, people can be harmlessly attracted to a quality in someone else even when they are married.
It doesn’t mean that they plan on replacing their partners.
Feeling attracted to someone else isn’t inherently wrong—it’s how you handle that attraction that matters.
Healthy relationships require boundaries.
This might mean avoiding situations that could lead to temptation, being honest with yourself about your feelings, and communicating openly with your spouse.
A man who loves his wife will prioritize her feelings and the integrity of their relationship over a fleeting attraction.
He’ll recognize that love is a choice, not just a feeling.
And he will make that choice every day of his life.