“It’s the little details that are vital. Little things make big things happen.”—John Wooden
I am sure John Wooden had pleasant things in mind when he spoke about little things making big things happen.
However, I find this quote shares a similarity with this article that I must exploit.
It’s an age-old tale.
The tale of how people who were in love with their partners suddenly find themselves in an affair with someone else.
You know how this tale proceeds…
You have probably seen it happen to people if it hasn’t happened to you.
You may not be able to guess the end because there are several ends to the tale.
The main focus of this article however is how the tale begins…
How does a man or a woman who is so in love with their partner find themselves in an affair with someone else?
It starts with the little things.
Those things later accumulate into that big mountain of problems called infidelity.
This article aims to explore these little things that give rise to affairs…
6 Common Ways Affairs Usually Start
1. That little feeling of dissatisfaction
It is not really a wonder that dissatisfaction is one of the major things that starts an affair.
Right from the beginning of time, humans have done terrible things because they were dissatisfied with how they were treated.
If you are a student of the bible and Greek mythology, you will see several examples of this scattered in books.
Cain killed his brother, Abel, Jacob stole his brother’s birthright, and Hector’s brother stole a man’s wife and brought destruction upon the whole of Troy.…
To mention but a few.
When a relationship ceases to give you satisfaction, it is a sign that something is wrong somewhere.
For a relationship to be fulfilling, there must be a strong emotional connection between the partners.
In most relationships, it is easy to build and maintain this strong emotional connection in the beginning.
However, the connection may begin to fade if it is not nurtured.
This fading emotional connection is what leads to dissatisfaction in relationships.
When you start noticing that your partner doesn’t seem to satisfy you, it is a sign that you need to work on certain aspects of your relationship.
Don’t get it twisted, satisfaction doesn’t mean only sexual satisfaction.
It encompasses even more.
When a person doesn’t feel that sense of satisfaction in their relationship, they may be tempted to seek out what they are missing with others.
And if your partner doesn’t spark that sense of contentment in you anymore, you may need to communicate with your partner effectively.
Talking things out and making efforts to improve your relationship may be all you need to do to prevent yourself from having that affair.
2. A desire for excitement
From time to time, it is normal to desire some form of excitement in our lives.
At this point, we hang out with friends and do risky things we normally won’t do.
Perhaps, a little bit of sailing or surfing…
A camping trip in the woods…
Mountaineering…
These are all acceptable forms of seeking excitement.
If you feel bored with your relationship, then you need to engage in activities that will spice up your relationship.
A romantic dinner complete with candles and soft music playing in the background.
Strolls in the park…
Playing games with your partner.
These are things you can do to help spice up your relationship if you feel like the relationship is beginning to fall into a routine.
However, if you neglect to do any of these, that desire for excitement may push you into an affair with someone else.
It may start as something harmless…
Probably just texts and calls.
But once it starts, it will probably grow into a full-blown affair.
All because of that little desire for some excitement in your relationship.
3. That desire for attention
Motivational speakers usually say things like “you don’t need anyone’s validation” and other stuff like that.
While that’s true, we all want validation and attention from the people we care about, especially our partners.
You want to feel like your partner is excited to see you and interested in hearing your thoughts.
It’s hard when you begin to feel like your partner doesn’t care for you or want to hear your thoughts.
When you are feeling that way in a relationship, it may not be so surprising if you turn to the next person who shows you attention.
That little desire for attention may be the spark of a full-blown affair.
This is why it is important that you address this feeling with your partner beforehand.
If you leave it to grow, a stuttering flame may become a roaring conflagration.
4. Proximity to potential affair partner
This is one of the most common ways affairs start.
Without proximity to potential affair partners, all of the factors above are just factors.
Contrary to the narrative of affairs being mistakes, most of the time, people know their potential affair partners long before they start the affair.
There is always the chemistry that exists between you and someone who is a potential affair partner.
You just know that the only thing stopping you from being involved with them is the fact that you are in a relationship.
This proximity can happen through a lot of avenues; work or other social environments that foster connection.
It is really easy for you to develop feelings for someone you spend a lot of time with, especially if they are attractive and share similar interests.
Throw in the various problems you may be facing in your relationship and it becomes more certain that an affair may develop between the two of you.
This is why you need to clearly define your relationships and set boundaries in place to prevent such an event from occurring.
5. Opportunity for privacy
When individuals have the ability to keep their actions hidden, they are likely to engage in behavior that goes against their values or commitments.
Life transitions or major stressors can also be a catalyst for starting an affair.
During these times, people may be feeling particularly vulnerable or in need of emotional support.
The attention and validation that comes from an affair partner can be tempting in these situations, providing a temporary escape from the challenges of life.
6. Social media
Remember I said it starts with the little things.
Social media is one of those indispensable little things.
You can do all kinds of good on social media…
However, there are a lot of other attractions that are not so good and beneficial on social media.
It brings you in contact with attractive people who share similar interests with you and have no scruples having entanglements with ease.
You really don’t even need to be scared of being caught by your partner if you keep your device close at all times and you don’t need to meet up to have sex.
People do phone sex these days…
They sext and do nude video calls.
When you begin to indulge your base instincts on social media, you may be at the starting point of an affair.
Find a way to resolve your problems within your relationship.
If you are feeling dissatisfied with your relationship, it is better to let your partner know and work on it than to get involved in an affair.
Ultimately, if you have followed me closely in this article, you will realize that it is the little things that actually matter in relationships.
So, the next time you are feeling that twinge of discontentment or the need for attention, sort it out with your partner.
Relationships only blossom when they are tenderly nurtured.