Have you ever noticed how hard it is to end affairs?
Some people are stuck in affairs for decades, and you wonder why.
Well, affairs are like getting tangled up in a spider’s cobweb.
The easiest thing about having an affair is deciding to have an affair.
Once you get started, it becomes naturally complicated.
If your affair is intense, it is easy to get lost in the relationship.
However, like everything with a beginning, every affair has an end, regardless of how hard it is to end it.
In this article, we will consider the various reasons affairs are so hard to end.
9 Common Reasons Affairs Are So Hard To End
1. The affair is filling a void
You wouldn’t be having an affair if you didn’t feel like your relationship was leaving some needs unsatisfied.
At least, this is what many people who have affairs think.
They are supposedly driven into the affair by the absence of affection or intimacy they need from their partners.
However, what they don’t realize is that the same needs that drove them into an affair can keep you deeply entrenched in that mire of cheating.
No matter how you have convinced yourself that your affair is just sexual with no strings attached, the fact remains that you are benefiting from that relationship.
Hence, trying to leave the affair without addressing this need or void may just be a waste of effort.
2. You believe they are your soulmate
There are so many married people who feel like they are married to the wrong person.
This may be due to many reasons.
Some people may have rushed into relationships and married without knowing their partners.
For some others, they may have let their relationship fall into a routine, and because of this, they may have fallen out of love with their partners.
Regardless of their reasons for having affairs, this set of people actually believe they are having an affair with their soulmates.
This is especially true when the affair is so thrilling and exciting.
When the chemistry and connection are top-notch, it is not a farfetched conclusion.
This makes it harder for such an affair to end.
3. You are afraid of retaliation
Sometimes, people find it hard to end affairs because they are afraid of their partner’s reaction.
People react to rejection differently, and some people respond even worse than others.
The fear of retaliation by a lover is enough to keep a person in an affair for years when they would instead have ended it.
It’s not so uncommon to hear of people who had their nudes leaked because of an affair they had in the past.
Some others have been stalked, threatened, and blackmailed by an ex-lover who took the end of the affair badly.
Many others face the threat of their infidelity being revealed to their spouses and setting off a string of unfortunate events that may leave the home broken.
4. The thrill of the affair
Having an affair is wrong, but it comes with an incredibly pleasant feeling that may keep you hooked.
There are many aspects of having an affair that are just so thrilling.
The hide and seek, the risk of being caught, and the pleasure of doing something forbidden.
All these combine to give off a feeling that rivals the headiness of drinking alcohol.
The oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine that shoot through your body when you’re with your lover makes you feel like you’re on top of the world.
The truth is being with your lover makes you feel good, and that’s not a feeling many people want to give up.
5. Inadequate willpower
Several things can make it hard to end an affair, but a major one is inadequate willpower.
Certain things are difficult to do and can only be done by the strength of will, and one of them is ending an affair.
It is easy to say you want to end an affair, but the question you should ask yourself is, “Am I determined enough to do this thing?”
Many people want to end their affairs but lack the willpower to see it through.
You start thinking of all the things that attracted you to your lover in the first place, and those thoughts weaken your resolve to end the affair.
It gets even worse if you are involved with a manipulative lover.
With a combination of guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and declarations of love from your lover, you may find yourself sinking even deeper into the affair than before.
6. You have a child with your lover
By design or mistake, many people have kids in their extramarital affairs.
This complicates the situation further, making it harder to leave the affair.
With a child in the picture, you will need to consider the child’s needs.
There is this feeling of love that parents have for their children, regardless of how they were conceived.
This love makes it hard to end such an affair.
In fact, it may just be as difficult as a messy divorce.
7. Burnt bridges
The things we do when we think we are in love!
It is not right by societal and moral standards to have an affair, and this is why it is mostly kept secret.
However, it doesn’t usually remain hidden for long.
When caught in affairs, people usually make either of these two choices: end the affair or end their marriage.
If you have already decided to end your marriage because of an affair, it makes it difficult to end the affair.
You will consider all the things you have sacrificed just for the sake of the affair and continue moving on with the affair.
At some point, you are remaining in the affair because of the effort you have put into it and not because you are in love.
It sounds like a pretty dreary spot to be caught in.
8. Fear of change
Ending an affair often results in significant changes in your life, including the potential dissolution of your marriage.
This fear of change is paralyzing and keeps you rooted to the spot in your affair.
This is because you may feel uncertain about how your life will look without the affair.
This fear can keep you trapped in the affair, even if you know it is detrimental to your overall well-being.
9. Fear of judgment
The fear of judgment from others can also make it challenging to end an affair.
You may worry about how family, friends, and colleagues will perceive your actions if it gets known.
The fear of being labeled as a cheater or facing social consequences can deter individuals from ending the affair.
There are so many reasons why exiting an affair is so hard, and the major ones have already been explored.
Perhaps you are in an affair that you need to get out of, but you feel stuck; understanding these reasons can help individuals navigate the maze of ending the affair.
I recommend that you also seek professional counseling or therapy to help you navigate the rut you are in.