As much as many people would hate to hear this, not every affair ends in a breakup.
Some actually get serious and even progress to a full-blown relationship or even marriage.
This is bad news for people who have cheating partners and great news for some people in affairs.
Whichever side of the spectrum you belong to, it is important to know when an affair gets to this stage where it is getting serious and progressive.
This can help you know what decision to make for yourself and how to plan your life.
9 Telltale Signs An Affair Is Getting Serious
1. Things become more consistent
Affairs are usually all about excitement and fun.
The thrill, strong physical attraction, heightened sexual passion, etc.
They’re all about the happy and exciting times and are usually on and off.
Depending on the nature of the affair, there are no usually no serious strings attached, and both parties show up for each other only when it is convenient.
You know things are getting pretty serious when this changes.
When the parties involved no longer show up only when it’s convenient but are there for each other through most seasons.
They spend more time together outside of regular activities and develop a routine around each other.
They think about each other often, not only sexually or physically but in a deep, affectionate way.
Their actions towards each other portray a similitude of commitment, and you can almost visibly see their care and concern for each other and commitment to making their relationship work.
2. Higher priority
They begin to prioritize each other more, even if they have primary relationships.
They do not let their other commitments and engagements stop them from creating time for each other.
They spend quality time together and make sacrifices for the affair.
Make no mistake, just because I used the word “sacrifices” does not mean they’re doing something noble.
Their sacrifices can range from lying to their primary partner, covering up details, and depriving their family or relationship just to satisfy their affair.
And even if they weren’t doing anything exactly wrong, their sacrifices still loses its nobility because of the context within which it is done.
3. Deepened emotional attachment
You can tell that an affair is getting serious when both parties become more emotionally invested in each other.
When it stops being just about how fast they can take each other’s clothes off and how much sex they can have together.
Maybe prior, they only talked about surface things and shared nothing deep, but as things get more serious, they begin to share personal thoughts and feelings.
Their connection deepens, and it’s like they develop a strong bond and connection that goes beyond physical attraction.
The guy may begin to remember little details about the woman and be present during her special occasions.
He’s no longer a night owl who only shows up on the nights when he wants to keep his bed warm; he suddenly discovers that he has magical powers to show up during the day, too.
What a surprise!
He is now present with her during birthdays, anniversaries, and special holidays, bringing presents and nice stuff.
And, of course, if he’s with her, he’s definitely away from his primary relationship or marriage.
Because he can’t be in two places at a time now, can he?
This clearly shows where his priority lies.
4. Less secrecy
Affairs are illegal or illicit relationships.
They are wrong, and because both parties know they are wrong, they usually keep the relationship secret.
The partners do not introduce each other to their family members and friends.
They always have to meet behind closed doors and keep everything about the relationship secret.
They worry about being found out because they know that could spell doom for them.
So when they begin to worry less about being kept a secret, you know for a fact that things are starting to change.
They now comfortably introduce each other to their friends or maybe even family, and they no longer have to have dinner in the darkest part of the restaurants.
They may even display some level of public affection.
Once this is noticed, it is a sign that the affair is getting serious.
5. They leave their primary partner
One of the most common lies told by people having affairs to their affair partner is that they plan to leave their original partner.
Be it through a divorce or a break-up.
Nine out of ten the time they say that it is a lie, and they never do it.
It’s all a ploy to distract the affair partner and make them feel special.
But if, in this case, they actually take the step to leave their primary partner and it is confirmed that it is because of their affair partner, that can be a sign that the affair is getting serious.
Neglect of the primary relationship many times signifies that the affair is winning.
And note that I said neglect, not just the mere desire or promise to neglect.
There are many times I’ve desired to stop eating chocolate cake and work out five times a week to get my dream body.
But have I done that?
So until it’s actually done, it is not done.
6. Enhanced intimacy
Things are getting serious if both parties in the affair begin to enjoy and experience a deeper form of profound physical and emotional intimacy.
And I don’t mean a one-time or two-time experience of good sex and uttering sweet nothings into each other’s ears.
I mean actual vulnerability with each other and a kind of openness they probably do not experience in their primary relationship.
They begin to share secrets and experiences that they would not share with anyone else with each other.
This portrays a deeper form of relationship and can give a sense of exclusivity.
7. Feelings of love
An affair is getting serious when the parties begin to feel or talk about love.
Particularly if they avoided the word before.
If they begin to admit that what they feel for each other is strong, you know that things are getting real.
I can’t vouch for this love they profess or claim to understand it since they also once claimed to love their primary partner but still ended up here.
But I won’t refute the fact that people in affairs can fall in love with their affair partner.
Or at least they can feel like they have.
Whenever this happens, it is safe to say the score between the primary relationship and the affair is 0-1.
8. Future planning
Affairs usually have no future.
Both parties know that there is no destination in this affair vehicle that they have boarded.
So, in a normal situation, they do not make future plans together.
Unless of course, this is no longer a normal affair, and it is now becoming a proper relationship.
Both parties may begin discussing future plans together, such as taking vacations or making living arrangements with each other.
They involve each other in their personal lives, plans, and aspirations and may even get involved in each other’s finances.
This long-term planning only says one thing: the affair is becoming a solid relationship.
It may grow into a relationship or even go as far as starting a family or growing old together.
Yes, it can happen.
9. Jealousy and possessiveness
This can also be a sign that the affair is getting serious.
When one or both parties become possessive of the other and do not want them getting involved with other people romantically.
They display jealousy and want their affair partner all to themselves.
This is a dicey one, though, because while it can be a sign that they want you for real, it can also be that they’re naturally jealous and want to keep you all to themselves but still just as their affair partner.
Remember, these signs can vary depending on the situation and the individuals involved.
It is also worthy of mention that whether this is good or bad news for you, things like this usually have complex emotional and even physical consequences.
Pay attention to the signs above, but also critically assess your life and situation and consider the consequences of your decisions and actions.
It is always a great idea to communicate openly and honestly with your partner and seek professional help if you’re unsure about your decision.