I recall a family Sunday at church a few months ago, where women complained about their husbands no longer taking them on dates after marriage.
And one of the men said, ”What’s the point? We did all of that to impress you, and now that we have you, no need for all that.”
Wow. Just wow.
Of course, as you can already imagine, we women came for his head. lol
Dating is basically an audition for marriage.
And just like in any audition, people are on their best behavior, showing you their best sides instead of their behind-the-scenes reality.
But for terrible husbands, they can’t completely hide who they are, even when they’re trying their hardest to impress you.
The signs are there if you know what to look for.
The problem is that most women are so focused on whether he likes them back that they miss the red flags telling them whether he’s actually husband material.
We get caught up in the butterflies, the chemistry, the excitement of someone new pursuing us, and even the wedding prep, and we ignore the behaviors that predict exactly how he’ll treat us once the honeymoon phase is over.
How a man treats you while dating is the best version of how he’ll treat you in marriage.
So if you want to avoid marrying a man who will make your life miserable, pay attention to what he does during the dating phase.
Men Who Make Terrible Husbands Always Do These 7 Things While Dating
1. They Talk About Their Ex Like She’s Satan Incarnate
We all have relationship baggage, and sometimes exes really are difficult people.
But when a man talks about his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend like she was the worst human being who ever lived, that tells you more about him than it does about her.
Maybe some of that is true, but if every single relationship he’s had ended with the woman being terrible and him being the innocent victim, that’s not bad luck.
That’s a pattern.
Men who make terrible husbands never take responsibility for their part in failed relationships.
Everything is always someone else’s fault, and they’re always the victim of circumstances beyond their control.
One day, he’ll be talking about you the same way to his next girlfriend.
Because men who blame their exes for everything wrong in their past relationships will blame you for everything wrong in your future marriage.
2. They Make Everything About Money From Day One
I’m not saying men shouldn’t be financially responsible or that money doesn’t matter in relationships.
Money is key, and I know how much I work to earn my money, so every adult should be financially responsible.
However, when a man is constantly talking about money, complaining about expenses, and making you feel guilty for costing him anything during the dating phase, that’s a preview of your future.
He splits every bill down to the cent, even when he asks you out.
He makes comments about how expensive gas is when he picks you up and talks as if taking you on dates is a huge financial burden he’s shouldering.
Some women think this means he’s just being careful with money, but what it really means is that he sees you as an expense rather than an investment.
Men who make terrible husbands treat their relationships like business transactions.
Everything has to be fair and accounted for, and there’s no room for generosity or taking care of someone you care about.
And once you’re married, he’ll nickel and dime you about everything.
Your spending will be scrutinized, your purchases will be questioned, in fact, you’ll feel like you have to justify every dollar you spend.
3. They Have No Real Friends
This past Sunday, during Sunday school, I taught the church about the importance of being a kind friend.
I talked about how making friends as adults is the absolute ghetto, and if someone considers you a friend, you should be a good one because adult friendships are hard to come by.
So I understand how hard it could be to make friends, but no matter how bad the street is, a man should have at least one real friend.
Remember, they say, “Show me your friend and I’ll tell you who you are.”
But what if he has no friends to show you?
What does that tell you about who he is?
Does he have genuine friends who like him and enjoy his company, or he is always complaining about people letting him down and betraying him?
Because men who make terrible husbands usually have a trail of broken friendships behind them, and they’ll tell you it’s because other people are jealous, envious, fake, or can’t handle their success.
If a grown man can’t maintain friendships with other adults, that should tell you something important about his character.
Friendships require compromise, consideration, loyalty, and the ability to resolve conflicts without burning bridges.
These are the same skills you need to be a good husband.
And if he can’t maintain friendships when there’s no legal contract binding him to those people, what makes you think he’ll be loyal to you when things get difficult?
A man with no real friends is often a man who doesn’t know how to give and take in relationships and can’t handle being wrong.
If he can’t be a good friend to people he’s chosen to have in his life, why would you expect him to be a good husband to you?
4. They Get Angry When Things Don’t Go Their Way
Everyone gets angry, including kids.
That said, there’s a difference between normal frustration and the kind of disproportionate anger that tells you someone has serious emotional regulation problems.
A man is supposed to lead by example in the home, so if a man, a potential head of the home, is losing his temper over minor inconveniences while you’re dating, what kind of leadership is he going to provide your future children?
Tell me.
Every woman in an abusive marriage today will tell you they saw the signs while dating, but they ignored them, thinking love would change him or that those moments of anger were just stress.
Bad husbands have terrible emotional regulation, and you’ll see glimpses of it even when they’re trying to impress you.
He might snap at waiters, get into road rage when someone cuts him off, sulk for hours when plans don’t go perfectly, and generally exhibit a lack of patience expected of a reasonable adult.
How will he handle stress in marriage?
Because yeah, marriage is beautiful, but it comes with its own set of challenges.
Marriage is full of things not going according to plan, and you need a partner who can roll with life’s punches, not someone who falls apart every time something goes wrong.
Those little moments of anger during dating become your everyday reality in marriage.
Don’t ignore them, sis.
5. They Never Plan Anything
Just yesterday, I was ranting to my friend that what makes a man is not the size of his… or the muscles he built in the gym.
What makes a man is the ability to lead in a way that a woman, no matter how strong, will follow him.
I’m not saying you should be perfect, but I can’t stand men who say, “I don’t know what to do,” “I have no idea,” “I’m clueless.”
Yes, you can be clueless, but not every damn time, bro!
I’m glad I don’t have a husband like this because it’s just exhausting.
Men who make terrible husbands don’t plan dates, don’t think ahead, and always leave the logistics to you.
“I don’t know, what do you want to do?” becomes his standard response to everything.
This kind of man will never make reservations, never research activities, never put thought into creating experiences for you two to share.
He expects you to plan everything while he shows up and enjoys whatever you’ve planned.
In marriage, you’ll be the one planning vacations, organizing social activities, remembering important dates, and managing your social calendar while he sits back and acts like these things just magically happen.
6. They Make Decisions That Affect You Without Consulting You
I remember an ex who said women should be subdued and controlled.
I thought I didn’t hear well. Then he said he hated Western culture with passion.
Wow. I spoke to my legs and ran for my dear life.
God forbid that I have a misogynist for a husband.
What kind of man would make decisions without consulting his woman?
One who believes women have nothing to contribute.
If you pay attention, it’s not that hard to know these men while dating.
They are men who will order for you at restaurants without asking what you want, who will pick movies without caring about your preferences, who will drive to places without telling you where you’re going, and even tell you what to wear and how to look.
In marriage, this becomes him making major financial decisions without you, accepting job offers that require you to move without discussing it, or making plans for your family without considering your input.
He’s showing you that he doesn’t see you as an equal partner whose opinion matters.
You’re just someone who’s expected to go along with whatever he decides.
The reason women end up married to terrible husbands isn’t because the signs weren’t there.
It’s because we’re so focused on being chosen that we forget we’re supposed to be choosing too.
We’re so busy trying to be the perfect girlfriend that we forget to evaluate whether he’d make a decent husband.
And we tell ourselves that love will change him or that he’ll be different once we’re married.
But dating behavior is best behavior.
If this is how he acts when he’s trying to impress you, this is the best version of himself you’ll ever see.
Marriage doesn’t make people better; it just makes them comfortable enough to stop pretending.
So if you’re dating someone who shows these patterns, don’t ignore them hoping they’ll improve.
Don’t make excuses for behavior that makes you uncomfortable, and definitely don’t think you can love him into being a better man.
The man you’re dating is the man you’ll marry, and the husband he becomes will be a worse version of the boyfriend he is now.
Pay attention to what he’s showing you while he’s still trying to win you over.
Because once he stops trying, those red flags become your everyday reality.