Conflict resolution styles differ from one couple to another.
Since arguments and fights are common and almost unavoidable, it is normal to see couples adopting a particular method of resolving conflict.
While some people choose to talk about it between themselves, others may be used to talking to a third party.
If your boyfriend falls under the second category, you may ask questions like “My Boyfriend Complains About Me To His Friends. Is it normal?.”
Your boyfriend complaining to his friends about you may be upsetting and frustrating, but it is important to approach and deal with it correctly.
First, we will look into why he is doing this before discussing whether it should continue or not.
My Boyfriend Complains About Me To His Friends. Reasons:
1. Your Communication Is Poor
A very likely reason why your boyfriend complains about you to his friends is because he can not talk to you about it.
Communication is an indispensable part of every relationship.
Many things go wrong when communication is weak or absent in a relationship.
It is not unusual for you and your partner to start confiding in third parties when you cannot communicate with each other.
Your boyfriend may have some issues with you or the relationship, but due to poor communication between you, he would rather discuss and complain to his friends than talk to you about it.
2. He Is Used To Talking To His Friends
Old habits die hard.
If your boyfriend always discussed and confided in his friends as a single guy, it would take a conscious effort and discipline to stop it when he gets into a relationship.
He may have gotten too accustomed to venting and pouring out his frustration to his friends that he is now doing it even when he is with you.
In this case, he may not know his actions are wrong or affecting you.
He is just doing what he has always done.
3. He Does Not Really Like You
Many times, guys discuss among themselves issues that they can not discuss where their women are.
They find safety and solace in talking with each other.
So if your boyfriend does not really like you, the first people to know are most likely his friends.
He will likely open up to them and let them know he does not like you.
If your boyfriend does not really like you, he will complain about you to his friends.
In this case, there is nothing you can do about it because it is clear that he wants to leave the relationship.
You should help him make that happen faster.
4. He Is Immature
Immaturity is another reason why men complain about their women to their friends.
Mature men handle issues more reasonably, like discussing them with you and finding ways out of them.
On the other hand, an immature man may resort to childish routes like silent treatment and complaining to his friends.
5. He Is A Complainer
Some people are natural complainers.
This is not restricted to women alone.
Some men are hard to please and always have something to complain about.
They may complain when they are with you, but that is not enough.
Their complaints continue when they are with their friends.
In case you have been worrying your head sick, it has nothing to do with you.
He is just a complainer.
6. He Is Ignorant
Ignorance is another reason why your boyfriend complains to his friends about you.
Your boyfriend is ignorant about how relationships should work.
He does not know that conflict resolution does not have to involve third parties all the time.
Sometimes people go into relationships without fully understanding how it works and things they need to avoid.
If this is the case with your boyfriend, he needs to be educated on the effects of his behavior on you and the relationship.
It is not wrong to involve a third party when you both have issues that are serious or bigger than the both of you.
But it should not be constant practice, and your boyfriend definitely should not be the one always telling people the wrong things about you.
7. You Are Toxic
After looking at all the reasons connected to your boyfriend, it is time to focus on you.
Could it be that your boyfriend always has to complain about you to his friends because he is fed up with you?
Maybe you have toxic traits that frustrate him and affect his mental health, and he needs to let it out to someone.
You unknowingly may have unhealthy habits and behaviors that he is tired of.
Or maybe you are aware of your toxic behaviors, but you do not know they bother him that much.
You need to work on yourself.
Regardless of his reasons, however, your boyfriend should not keep complaining about you to his friends.
It is completely wrong and unacceptable.
A relationship is between two adults, and when situations arise, they should be able to sort it out themselves (Except in cases of abuse where third parties should immediately be involved).
If your boyfriend keeps complaining about you to his friends, here’s what to do:
My Boyfriend Complains About Me To His Friends. What Do I Do?
1. Find Out Why
Before knowing what to do about the situation, the first thing you should do is find out why your boyfriend keeps complaining about you to his friends.
Is it an honest act of ignorance that he needs to be educated on?
Or is it due to immaturity or the fact that he is tired of the relationship?
Could it be that your actions are responsible for what he does?
Finding out why your boyfriend always complains to his friends about you is the first thing to do.
2. Talk About It
Communication will help you confirm the reasons for his actions.
You will hear what he says and let him know how you feel.
Letting your boyfriend know how his actions make you feel may make him turn a new leaf.
However, there is no assurance that that will happen.
3. Seek Help
Another helpful way out is to seek professional help.
Matters relating to relationships are often complex and require professionals’ tailor-made solutions.
You and your boyfriend may need to see a therapist or a counselor to discuss the issues.
4. Make A Decision
At the end of the day, the ball is in your court.
You decide if you want to continue with the relationship or not.
Being patient with your partner is good, especially if they are willing to change.
But it is time for you to move on if he is not, or he shows signs that insinuate that he is no longer in the relationship.