As much as we don’t like to admit it, everyone loves to be validated.
We all crave validation, and when we don’t receive it, we feel like something is missing.
And you’d think that once a person got married, their need to be validated would vanish because their partner can meet all their needs in that area, but nope.
There are times when married people still go out looking for validation in different places outside of their marriage.
Some married men look for acceptance and affirmation from people and things outside of their marriage, and you wonder why.
It’s not always intentional, and it’s rarely about a lack of love from the wife.
What is it, then?
I’ll tell you.
Please read on.
8 Reasons Why Men Start Looking For Validation Outside Marriage
1. They feel unappreciated
Appreciation is a huge part of validation.
No person, no matter how magnanimous, will be okay with constantly doing good without being appreciated.
When a man feels like his efforts go unnoticed at home, it does something to him.
He may not notice it until one day when he realizes that even a casual compliment from a coworker, “You’re so handy!” lights up his entire day.
It’s perhaps because he’s never appreciated at home.
No matter how often he cleans, takes out the trash, or honorably delivers his fatherly responsibilities, he never gets a “thank you.”
Expecting appreciation from his wife does not mean he’s irresponsible or doesn’t know that it’s his job; it’s just a human desire to want to be told when you’re doing a great job.
So, if he’s constantly starved of this acknowledgment, he may begin to seek the feeling elsewhere, especially if all he gets at home are complaints and criticisms.
It’s not that he doesn’t love his wife; he’s simply craving words of affirmation that remind him that his efforts are being seen and valued.
2. Routine has taken over in their marriage
No matter how exciting something is, you only have to do it a few more times, and then you’ll realize that it can get monotonous.
It’s the same with marriage; after some time, the excitement can die down, and it becomes characterized by wake-work-cook-clean-sleep-repeat.
And this is actually okay… Well, at least for some time.
When this routine keeps going on indefinitely, it can get boring and tiring, and every glimpse of fun, even from outside the marriage, seems inviting.
When romance disappears, men can start feeling emotionally neglected.
A husband may find himself drawn to the colleague who flirts playfully with him during lunch breaks, not because he wants an affair but because she reminds him of the thrill he used to feel with his wife.
Or maybe it’s that old friend who checks in with him regularly.
He finds himself looking forward to her messages because it’s been a while since his wife asked him how he was doing.
Everything she asks him now revolves around the kids and running the home.
He feels like a provider and a father but not a loved partner.
The boredom can make him desire something more.
3. They have low self-esteem
It’s not always about the wife or the marriage; Sometimes, it’s about the men.
It’s all him.
His personal issues
If he struggles with self-esteem, he might seek external validation to fill the void.
His wife may be doing great with validating and appreciating him, but he still doesn’t feel sufficient because his issue runs deep.
Some men try to dress sharper, go for different women, and hang out with friends who boost their ego because they feel inadequate at home.
But spoiler alert: they still don’t feel satisfied.
Well, that’s because you don’t address issues like inferiority complex and low self-esteem by constantly chasing validation.
Personal insecurities are best addressed through self-reflection or counseling.
4. They’re invalidated at home
It’s one thing for a husband to be unappreciated at home.
But it’s another for him to feel constantly invalidated.
That’s another level of disappointment.
Have you ever seen a man slink into the background of his own marriage?
Feeling dismissed and overlooked.
Some women do well as career people and even as mums, but when it comes to being wives, they’re lacking.
Their focus rarely shifts to their husband, and when it does, they’re quick to ignore his voice and opinions.
The husbands end up feeling more like roommates than husbands.
And the thing about situations like this is that when men feel sidelined, they start noticing where they aren’t ignored.
A friend’s simple “You’re so funny!” might remind them of how much they miss being seen as more than a paycheck or a babysitter.
5. They have unrealistic expectations
If a man goes into marriage believing that it’ll solve all his problems, it’s only a matter of time before he is fishing for affirmation elsewhere.
The reason is simple: marriage can never solve anyone’s problems completely.
Loneliness, insecurity, and the need for constant affirmation can be curbed to a large extent when someone gets married; however, it’s not a permanent solution.
A man who goes into marriage with a superhero-sized expectation of his wife is likely to seek reassurance from other people when those expectations aren’t met.
He may seek acknowledgment from friends, colleagues, strangers, or even social media.
6. Marital issues
It’s not unusual to confide in people when you’re going through a difficult time.
Marital issues, especially when combined with everyday life’s stress, can get so overwhelming and stressful that the couple needs other people to speak to on a personal level.
When a man feels unheard or misunderstood in his marriage, he might confide in someone else.
And if that man starts venting, perhaps to a female friend who listens without judgment before you can say Jack Robbinson, the friendship may start to feel more comforting than his marriage.
The comforting words he hears from someone outside can feel like a breath of fresh air.
7. He’s made to feel inadequate
No man likes to hear things like, “Why can’t you be more like so-and-so’s husband?”
Comparisons, whether direct or implied, are one of the many things that can make a man feel inadequate.
Another common one some wives do is dismissing their husbands’ dreams.
When he shares his plans and thoughts, she brushes them off as either unrealistic or not catchy enough.
If a woman constantly makes her husband feel like he’s not enough, the man is very likely to start looking for acceptance from someone who sees his unique qualities.
Men want to feel like Kings, especially in their homes.
They want to be highly regarded, told that their dreams matter, and told that they’re doing a great job of husbanding.
8. Lack of intimacy in marriage
People say that when a woman starves her husband of intimacy and affection, she pushes him to seek it outside.
I always respond to them by saying that any man who steps out on his wife did that because it’s what he decided to do.
However, the reality is that both statements are true; they’re not mutually exclusive.
Physical touch is a powerful form of validation, and when intimacy starts to shake, men might begin to feel like they’re not desired or wanted by their wives.
This can make even the most pious of men start noticing the attention he gets from other women, even if it’s just a glance.
All because of the desire to be recognized and cherished.
But like I stated at the beginning of this article, desire is not an issue; it’s present in every human being.
How it is approached and handled is what makes all the difference.
Couples should be able to create a healthy system where they meet each other’s emotional needs while still recognizing that they can’t solve all problems for each other.
Understanding that improper interaction with third parties can compromise their marriage is also crucial.
Also, there is no harm in getting professional help in your relationship if needed.
Unfortunately, many couples wait for when “water don pass garri” to seek help.