I believe every woman has had an encounter with men who just want to play them.
Some fell for the charming act most players put up, while others didn’t.
There is no greater joy than the one you get when you identify danger fast enough to escape without any scratches.
However, if you have ever been played by a man, it is a terrible experience to have.
Let’s be real—nothing stings quite like realizing the guy you’ve been investing time, energy, and emotions into was never serious about you.
Maybe he love-bombed you at first, then ghosted.
Maybe he is hot and cold, leaving you confused.
Or worse, he is keeping you around as an option while he explores others.
Whichever method he used, it can be a very hurtful experience to go through.
If it only happened once, then he is totally at fault.
If it happened twice, the players would still be despicable creatures, but you would not have learned from past mistakes.
It’s no problem though.
You may just be unlucky with the kind of men that approach you.
However, if this continues to happen all the time, it can’t just be bad luck anymore.
There are patterns at play and the good news is that once you recognize them, you can break the cycle.
Here’s why you keep getting played by men and how to break the cycle.
7 Honest Reasons You Keep Getting Played by Men (And How To Stop It)
1. You ignore red flags
Some time ago, I was discussing with my female friend about why many ladies are in toxic relationships.
I told her that even while I understand that it is usually difficult to escape an abusive relationship, I think many ladies find themselves in abusive relationships because they ignore red flags.
“A lady in love has the tendency to be color blind. She sees red flags as green flags because she loves the person.”
These were my exact words.
Then I went on to mention an example I have seen around me.
A lady who is dating a cultist – a violent one at that but she doesn’t see his propensity for violence as a red flag.
Instead, she even boasts about it and says she is the only person he doesn’t act violently with.
One day, he gets violent and beats her up but she can’t complain to anyone because she has been warned several times that a man who is always violent will soon be violent with her.
This is the same way many ladies ignore red flags in their man.
Another good example is when you meet a guy who’s emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, or clearly not over his ex—but instead of walking away, you think, “Maybe if I’m patient enough, he’ll change.”
You are setting yourself up to be played in the most terrible way possible.
A man who isn’t emotionally available has no business being in a relationship.
If he isn’t over his ex yet, he has no business being in another relationship.
If he is inconsistent, you shouldn’t always make excuses for him.
Relationships are successful because of consistency.
Men show you who they are early in the relationship.
Even when he is pretending, the signs are still there.
If he’s not putting in effort, keeping plans vague, or bread-crumbing you, he’s not that interested.
Stop romanticizing potential and start accepting reality.
What can you do in this situation?
Trust actions, not words.
If he is not walking his talk, then he isn’t real.
If he’s not stepping up, don’t stick around hoping he will.
2. You are too available
I think another major reason why you attract players is the fact that you are too available to people who take you for granted.
One time, I came across a post where a lady was talking about how she was caught between two guys.
One of them was always there for her.
He tried to show up for her and support her all the time but the other guy was the opposite.
He could ghost for weeks and then show up to sweep her off her feet again.
She knows the logical thing to do is to go for the first guy but she kinda likes the other guy.
My response was that she shouldn’t be going for either of them.
She obviously doesn’t want a romantic attachment to the first guy and that’s fine.
She should speak to him about just being friends with him.
However, the other guy is the major problem.
She is attracted to him and won’t be able to move on if she doesn’t stop being available to him whenever he wants it.
I know the player’s handbook well because I used to be one, and the major trick of a player is to get a lady to like them so much before beginning to act inconsistently.
At this point, the lady is stuck.
So, regardless of how long he ignores her, when he comes for her, she just gives him access once again.
A sign you are being played because you are too available?
You reply instantly.
You are always free when he calls.
You prioritize him over your own goals, friends, and peace.
You do all of these even when he takes you for granted.
The truth is that while I don’t support a lady playing hard to get, I think it is important that you reciprocate vibes and energy.
Even in science, it is a law that every action has an equal and opposite reaction (Newton’s third law of motion).
What this simply means is that every action must and should bring an appropriate reaction.
The appropriate reaction to a guy who isn’t serious or consistent about being with you is for you to be unavailable to him whenever he comes around.
You can’t always be at his beck and call.
So, what do you do?
If he isn’t making an effort, you need to redirect your energy into more productive ventures.
3. You confuse sex with emotional investment
One of the oldest tricks of players is to tell a lady they need to have sex with them as proof of their commitment to the relationship.
This trick was exposed a long time ago yet many ladies still fall victim to it.
You sleep together early, hoping it’ll make him commit.
But instead, he pulls back or keeps things casual.
Some men may pretend to be into you for a while just because they want more sex with you, but the truth is that they don’t actually love you.
They are just around for the sex.
Dear lady, sex doesn’t equal emotional commitment.
And that’s on period!
There are no buts or exceptions.
You can’t attract emotional commitment from a guy by having sex with him.
Sex is not a proof of love.
If other gestures of affection are not enough to show that guy you love him, having sex with him won’t be enough.
Here’s a reality check.
If he’s not pursuing you emotionally before intimacy, he will not after.
Any form of emotional commitment you have to get with sex is not real.
It won’t stand the test of time.
So, you need to change that mindset.
That mindset is the reason why you keep on attracting playboys.
I believe that sex should have no place in any other romantic relationship except marriage.
You are welcome to disagree with me, but one thing you just have to agree with me on is that sex can’t inspire love where there is none.
If it’s not there, it’s not there.
So, make that guy wait especially if you notice that he seems to be pressuring for sex.
If he is seriously into you, he will stay.
In fact, you can’t let him know right from the start that premarital sex is not going to happen.
If he stays after this, it could be a sign that he isn’t just trying to play you.
Some men may actually wait with the intention of wearing down your resolve.
You need to be firm and determined.
But most of the time, that assertion is usually enough to send him running away.
4. You are drawn to the wrong qualities
I am a Christian and I like to think of myself as a church boy.
One time, we had a very informative discussion about why good girls like bad boys.
Of course, not every good girl likes bad boys, but I have seen many ladies fall for guys they shouldn’t even be with.
This is not me passing judgment or anything, but I think the reason you keep getting played by men is that you are attracted to the wrong kind of guy.
The energy you put out usually influences the kind of guys who approach you.
Even when I was younger, there were girls that guys didn’t just approach anyhow.
This was because even when these girls were young, they knew what they wanted in a man.
If you are drawn to charm over character or excitement over stability, you shouldn’t be so surprised that you are attracting guys who are players.
Now, I am not saying that a sincere guy can’t be exciting and charming, but the truth is if he also doesn’t offer stability and a good character, you may just be setting yourself up for another heartbreak.
You need to decide on which attributes you truly desire.
Do you want a bad boy or do you want a guy who will stand by you?
Do you want an exciting life or do you want stability and security?
When you decide what is more important to you, you will know what to do.
However, if you want a man who isn’t a player, then you must note that stability is a better quality than excitement, and being with a good guy is far better in the long run than any rush you can get from being with a bad guy.
5. You overlook boundaries
I know certain ladies who have no sense of boundaries.
They don’t have any tightly held values, and so, just like water takes the shape of whatever container it is poured into, they compromise their values all the time just to please whoever they are with.
If you are too quick to compromise your values or accept behavior that does not align with your standards, it will definitely open the door for others to take advantage of you.
Like I said earlier, I used to be a playboy and we had circles and networks.
The truth is that there is no luck involved sometimes.
All the guys approaching are doing so based on referral.
They already have the information that it is easy to make her compromise her values.
So, they pass her around like ping-pong.
What do you do in this situation?
Learn to stop compromising on your values.
Have clearly defined boundaries.
Guys may say you are strict but it will prevent disrespect and also help you attract only serious guys.
6. You rush into relationships
A female friend once told me she had just broken up with her boyfriend.
Two weeks later, she was already in another relationship.
I was shocked because I didn’t understand what the rush was about.
Within weeks, her new relationship was already crumbling.
The truth is that many ladies are like my friend.
They rush into relationships immediately after another one.
If you are like this, it’s not such a wonder that you attract players.
Jumping into relationships too quickly can prevent you from truly getting to know his character and intentions.
Many times, I see ladies complaining about things in their boyfriends and it makes me wonder how they didn’t know this before getting into the relationship.
The only reason that can happen is when they jump into relationships.
So, take your time and get to know a prospective boyfriend before agreeing to be in a relationship with them.
This would save you a lot of heartache.
7. You are afraid of being alone
I have never been afraid of being alone.
In fact, I love being alone.
This is one of the reasons why I tell people I am happily single.
This doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to be in a relationship.
What it means is that I am comfortable being alone, and so I don’t settle for less because of the fear of loneliness.
Many ladies are presently in situationships because they are scared of being alone.
If you are in this category, then that is probably the reason you keep getting played by guys.
You find a guy that you kinda like.
He is not really into you, but you would rather have some of his attention than none at all.
So, you find yourself in a vague and undefined relationship.
You don’t know what you are to him.
You just know that you do things with each other that friends don’t do normally.
And you are hoping that it develops into something better.
Take it from me; it won’t!
If he won’t commit, it’s because he doesn’t want to, not because he’s “scared” or “not ready”.
The best way to stop this is to know your worth.
When you know your worth, you will know how to walk away when you are not treated the way you deserve.
If he can’t give you clarity, walk away.
There’s no room for “let’s just see how it goes.”
When a man is ready to commit, he won’t keep you guessing.
He will want to define what you have.
Ultimately, you need to know that men won’t automatically treat you right just because you are a lady.
You have to show them how to treat you the way you want.
If you keep allowing half-effort, inconsistency, and emotional unavailability, men will keep giving you just that.
The moment you demand more and walk away when you don’t get it is when the games stop.
Now’s the moment for you to make a decision– to stop being an option for men.
You should be a priority!